I Chose This
by Maddz2
Summary: Near the end of season one. Alex makes Piper choose, either her or Larry, they can't keep going on like that. When Piper makes a decision, will Alex be able to accept it, and how will her reaction affect Piper? (Slight changes include: Nicky being close friends with Piper and alternate scenario of events.)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** **A/N Hello! So,** **I've never written for these characters before, but I was re-watching the first season and decided to write this. I'm sure by this point someone has already written something similar to this, however, I thought of it while I was working on the details for a three-way crossover of _Orange is the New Black_ , _The Blacklist_ , and _Blindspot_. So, this is more or less just practice with these characters before I attempt that ambitious endeavor, which will pick up close to where this left off.** **  
**

 **I hope you like it and feel free to comment!**

 **My question was 'What could have happened if Piper would have chosen Alex instead of Larry at the end of season 1?'**

 **This will be a two chapter mini fic, with slight angsty Vauseman theme (Mostly to come in the second chapter, while chapter 1 focuses more on Nicky's friendship with Piper).**

 **I own nothing, but I hope you enjoy it anyways. :)**

* * *

Piper walked into the library where Alex was sitting with a book, her green eyes scanning the pages from left to right until they stopped when she noticed her presence. Without even looking up Alex knew it was Piper. "I assume you have made a decision." She closed her book and stood so she could look directly at Piper when she said it was over. "So here's what it means going forward. You may not come running to me again. Not with your problems. Not with your love. Not with your need, or sadness or love. Not even your laundry unless it is specifically your laundry day. You may never come to me again. Ever" Alex said harshly and deadly serious. Piper just broke her heart for the last time and she hadn't even said anything yet.

"Whoa, hold on" Piper was flustered and she wasn't prepared for Alex to jump to that conclusion, hell, Alex hadn't given her a chance to speak. "You're right that I have made a decision, but you're wrong, can you come with me for like two minutes you need to hear something" Piper wasn't good at expressing herself directly, so she had come up with a better idea to solve two problems at the same time. She would break up with Larry over the phone and have Alex listen to her explain why. There was no way Alex could misunderstand who Piper decided she chose and who she really loved, the only problem was getting Alex to trust her this last time.

Alex rolled her eyes. "You've got to be fucking kidding me. Did you not hear me, when I said you may never come to me again"

"I-I just thought this didn't count, I'm already here," Piper said quietly. "Please Alex, and I swear if you don't agree with what I have to say then it will be exactly as you asked, I will never come to you again, not even with my laundry, ever again. In fact, I can probably make it so you'll never have to see me again" Alex hated that Piper would actually agree to that because there was no way she was going to like whatever excuse Piper was going to give her, and she loathed the thought of never being able to see her again. But of course, Piper was going to drag this out for as long as possible and make it harder for both of them, but she followed her down the halls nonetheless.

"Piper what the Fuck are you doing?!" Alex would have yelled, but there were guards around. "I thought you wanted to tell me something?!" They had stopped by the phones and Piper was dialing a number, and Alex only had one guest at who it was.

"Yeah Alex just wait one minute" Piper held the phone up to her ear as it rang. "Hello-Larry-I wanted to talk to you"

Alex wanted to scream. Of course, she would call fucking Larry. Why did she even think Piper would do anything different. That was it though the last straw, though. She turned on her heel and was determined to leave that bitch behind forever.

"Alex where the Fuck are you going?!" Piper yelled after her surprising both herself and Alex with the seriousness and yet complete desperation in her voice, as she held the phone away from her. "Please Alex come back" She pleaded before she brought the phone back up to her. Alex sighed and cursed inwardly at herself for being so stupid, but she walked back over to Piper and tried to act uninterested, however, the way Piper was watching her made it very hard not to show any expression so she looked away and kept her eyes focused elsewhere.

"Did you just re-ask me to marry you, Larry? As if that would fix how fucked up this is!" Piper snapped angrily into the phone making Alex look at her again. "No Larry, I'm afraid I have to decline" Her voice returned to the sweetness it held when she had first greeted Larry. "-why?-because I love someone else - yes you heard me - are they better than you, do they love me more?- well, it's hard to say, but I hope so" Piper looked Alex up and down assessing her body language. Alex was still gorgeous, even in prison, and Piper would never get enough of it, but her expression was serious and she was hardly looking at her which made Piper uneasy and unsure if she could actually have a different answer to Larry's question.

Alex was shocked. She was completely speechless. She couldn't even make herself smirk at how Piper had chosen her over Larry. "Larry- yes I'm sure I won't change my mind - Larry, you have never known how to love me - not the way this person does" Piper smiled softly at Alex who was still unable to form any facial expression at all because she was trying to wrap her mind around all of what Piper was saying. The worst part was that Alex didn't know if she could take her back. She didn't know if she should, even after this.

"She's better than you Larry, she's taller, sexier, and she understands me- no Larry you will never understand - no, you will never learn how to love me because you won't get the fucking chance - how do I describe it? - Larry, you're like a cigarette and I was addicted to smoking, because that was the life I thought I wanted, you were who I thought I wanted- the problem, Larry, is that Alex is like air and we both know that I can live without a cigarette, but I need air to breathe, and I'd die without it, without her- yes Larry I know that was a good analogy - now shut the Fuck up, go complain to mommy and daddy that your pretty fiancé broke up with you and left you for a woman - yes Larry I know you think you love me - yes Larry I promise this fucked up relationship is over - bye bye now" Piper hung up the phone relieved that it was over finally, she couldn't take the way Alex was looking at her for much longer. However, Alex was still standing there, so Piper took that as a good sign. She had been watching Alex the entire time looking for any reaction, but Alex was particularly good at pretending so Piper didn't know what to think of her lack of response. "Alex, I love you, and I choose you, and I'm really sorry," Piper said as she moved so she was standing directly in front of the taller woman.

"Piper, I don't-" Alex was so lost, she felt like she was going to faint or something and that never happened, maybe because this was the first time in a long time that Piper had been actually honest with her, even if it was indirect. She was still disappointed, though. As happy as she was that Piper had chosen her, Alex didn't want Piper to explain it to Larry, she wanted Piper to talk to her. Perhaps if she held out a little bit longer Piper would realize that. She wasn't that self-centered, but she wanted Piper to talk to her directly. She wanted to hear Piper say that she was all she needed to be happy, all she needed to live and that she was the only one she truly loved. Her talking through her conversation with Larry wasn't going to cut it, maybe it would have in the past, but not this time, and as much as it hurt Alex to do so, she was going to force herself to wait for Piper to understand that.

But she didn't have time to continue her response before they were interrupted.

"Yo Vause, Chapman!" Nicky yelled as she strode confidently down the hallway with her mane of hair swishing behind her.

Piper looked away from Alex to see the other woman approach them. "Hey, Nicky what's up?" Piper smiled, but Alex was unchanged although she did turn her head to see Nicky coming towards them.

"Something wrong with some electrical thing somewhere, come on Chapman don't make me do it by myself" Nicky explained quickly before really noticing Alex hadn't said anything to her. "What's wrong with you Vause?" She asked.

"I think she's a little overwhelmed or something like that," Piper answered. She leaned up and kissed Alex on the cheek. "Think about what I said, and if you can forgive me, then I'm yours" She whispered closely to Alex's ear. Piper took a step back and saw Alex nod slightly. "I'll think about it" was all Alex said.

"Good, so maybe I'll see you later," Piper said as she walked away with Nicky who yelled over her shoulder "See ya Vause"

Piper spent the rest of the day trying to focus on fixing the electrical things with Nicky, but all she could think about was Alex, and she wondered why Alex hadn't said much, it really wasn't like her to be caught speechless.

Nicky pestered her about what she and Alex were doing when she found them and Piper explained almost everything and Nicky just laughed. She wasn't one for romantic displays so she found Piper's little charade quite amusing, but she understood that Piper wasn't outspoken, so if calling Larry and pretending to continue a conversation with him after he had already hung up was how Piper wanted to tell Alex her feelings, then so be it, good for Piper for being smart like that.

They couldn't figure out what was wrong with the outlets in the library so they gave up and just sat and talked about mostly nothing, both of them trying to avoid further conversations about Alex. At one point Piper had asked Nicky about how things had been with her and Lorna, but Nicky didn't want to talk about it and brushed it off calling it 'complicated' as if everything else wasn't complicated too.

When they decided to finally get back to figuring out what was wrong with the electricity in that room Piper had a thought.

They wandered around the prison until they came to the fuse box and sure enough, the circuit had been tripped, so they just flipped the switch and made their way back. Luckily for them, the electricity was back on and they could be on break again. There wasn't much else to do, but one of the guards caught them slacking off on their job and forced them to find something else to fix.

First they went to the electrical shop outside even though it was snowing, but because of all of the snow, no one was there. That small building didn't have very good heating anyways so they quickly made their way back inside the main prison. Nicky remembered the lighting in the laundry room was always having issues, and she was kind of curious to see what Alex would say to Piper, so she directed herself and Piper there next.

Alex was there, but she didn't acknowledge Piper at all when they walked into the room and greeted her. Piper had been almost hopeful about seeing Alex, but that hope was quickly shredded, then burned and Piper thought she was going to die right then and there because obviously Alex had made up her mind and Piper obviously wasn't forgiven. The little exchange didn't go unnoticed by Nicky and although she would swear that she didn't take sides, she had to admit that it kind of pissed her off that Alex had treated Piper like that.

Thankfully for Piper, one of the lights was not working and it gave her something to focus on if only for a short while. It didn't take long for her to figure out it was just loose and fixed it, but then she no longer had anything to think about other than Alex and it was making her sick. She couldn't be in there anymore. She couldn't be in the same room as her right now. She needed a bathroom and fast.

She practically bolted from the laundry room only throwing a quick "I have to go" over her shoulder, because that was all she could manage without losing the contents of her stomach right there, leaving a concerned Nicky and a mildly confused Alex behind.

Honestly, Alex hadn't expected Piper to give up so fast, and while she was still confused about her own feelings, she had hoped Piper would fight her a little, she was wrong. Piper was doing exactly as she promised, staying away from her. They only problem was that it wasn't what Alex wanted, she had just been so concentrated on sorting her thoughts out that she hadn't even noticed Piper until she almost ran out of the room.

Nicky had followed Piper and found her hunched over a toilet bowl, trying hard to keep her hair out of the way as she lost her entire lunch.

Nicky took Piper's hair in her hand so it didn't fall in her face and she placed a soothing hand on her back. Nicky could feel the tremors shake Piper's entire body and she knew that there was probably only one reason for her sudden sickness: Vause.

A moment later, they heard footsteps and they both turned to see Alex walk in. She stopped at the sight of Piper kneeling with her hands trembling and her eyes red. As soon as Piper saw Alex, she immediately had to turn away to throw up again, and thus Nicky's suspicion was confirmed.

Nicky just shook her head. "Vause, don't you have some laundry to do?" She really hated when her friends fought, but right now Piper was suffering and she wasn't about to stand by and watch Alex make it worse for her.

"But Piper-" Alex tried to formulate the words she wanted to say to her, but, to be honest, she was still really confused, and conflicted about her feelings.

Piper shook her head and glanced up at Nicky, silently asking her to get Alex to leave, and Nicky understood.

"Alex, I'll take care of her, she doesn't want to talk right now," Nicky said and Alex sighed as she turned and left.

Piper didn't think it was possible for her to have anything left in her stomach after the eternity it felt like she'd been on that floor, so she ventured to stand up, but she staggered into Nicky who caught her before she could fall.

"Easy Chapman," Nicky said calmly.

"Thanks, Nicky" Piper mumbled.

"What are friends for, eh? Now can we uh get out of here?" Nicky asked and Piper nodded.

Nicky led Piper back to her bunk and laid her down. "Nicky - I don't feel good"

"You look like Shit too, sleep it off, you'll be fine tomorrow," Nicky said as she sat down on the edge of her bed.

"Not if Alex has anything to say about it" Piper muttered.

"Then just stay away from her, she fucked you up big time Chapman, you need to let her go" Nicky suggested, but by the look on Piper's face, she knew the blonde didn't agree.

"I can't go near her anymore, let alone speak to her. Not after this." Piper said sadly. Keeping her word to Alex was going to be harder than she anticipated, mostly because she didn't expect to have to. Obviously, she was mistaken.

"Why not, Chapman just play it cool," Nicky said.

"I promised her I wouldn't and I can't go back on my word to her," Piper said. "Not again"

"Vause is my friend too and she's also a bitch, but Chapman tell you what, I'll do your talking to her, and I'll take your laundry. You just stay away from her, yeah, and don't do anything stupid" Nicky offered. Piper came from a similar background as her, which made it easy to understand each other, and they got along well. This wasn't going to be as hard for Nicky as it was for Piper, she'd been in this position before, so she would just have to see how it played out between her friends. She just hoped that Alex got her head out of her ass before it was too late, because despite every awful thing Nicky had witnessed and heard about their past and present relationship, they still seemed like they belonged together.

"What do you want? Why are you doing this?" Piper asked suspiciously.

"We're friends Chapman, besides, eventually you'll come to return the favor I'm sure," Nicky said as she stood from Piper's bed. "Now where are your clothes, I'll take them to Vause now, shall I?"

Piper nodded. "They're just over there" She pointed to the bag of clothes by the wall of her cube.

"I'll be back in a while with some water for you, don't go dying on me now Chapman" Nicky joked as she took Piper's laundry and walked away.

Alex had just finished folding a set of khaki pants when Nicky walked in. "Nicky is she okay?" Piper was the still on her mind, even though she was still trying to decide what to do, and if she just wanted to accept her apology or not. She hadn't expected any of this and it threw her so far off balance that it felt like she would need days to sort her thoughts out.

Nicky raised an eyebrow questioningly at her. "Who?" Nicky asked although she knew very well who Alex was talking about. She was just upset that Alex had the nerve to ask after she had seen how broken down Piper was. Nicky had seen how Alex practically ignored Piper when they came by earlier, and she, unfortunately, saw the effects it had on her electrical coworker.

"Fuck you Nicky, Piper, who else would I be asking about?!" Alex snapped.

"Oh I don't know, maybe uh someone you actually care about?!" This wasn't her fight, but Piper couldn't or wouldn't do it for herself, and Vause needed a nice awakening if she said so herself. "But if you must know. Piper is probably going to be great, once she gets over your sorry ass, you fucking bitch" Nicky spat.

"If I didn't care, I wouldn't have asked! Why are you defending her anyways! She was going to leave me for that numbskull, Larry! How am I supposed to feel about her sudden declaration of love when she couldn't even tell me directly?!" Alex fisted her hands and hit the table covered in clothes.

Nicky stepped closer to Alex, glaring harshly at her. "I'm defending her because you need to wake up Vause. You gave her a choice and she chose you, what the Fuck is the problem?" Nicky asked sharply.

"I don't know!" Alex gave in. "I don't know what to do"

Nicky sighed. "Well, you need to figure it out Vause, because my friend, and your ex, underwent a huge amount of emotional stress for you. And I swear if you come back to her and hurt her again because you didn't figure out what and who you wanted, I will personally see to it that the rest of your time in here will be hell, you hear me?!" Nicky said deadly serious, because no one, not even one of her best friends would treat any of her other friends that way.

Alex nodded. "Are those hers?" She asked gesturing to the bag of clothes in Nicky's hand.

"Yeah, here you go laundry queen," Nicky said as she tossed Alex the bag and turned to leave. "Get your Shit together Vause" and then she was gone, and Alex was alone. The other people in the laundry room had left as soon as Nicky and her had started arguing.

She looked down at the bag of clothes in her hands and sighed. Bringing them up to her face she inhaled deeply. They were definitely Piper's clothes, they smelled just like her, and she loved it, but she was so confused. Nicky was right, though, she had to figure out what she was going to do. She leaned back against the wall behind her and let herself sink to the floor.

Good thing the day was almost over she thought bleakly.

Nicky stopped at the commissary and picked up Piper a bottle of water before she headed back to check on the sleeping blonde. Or, at least, she was supposed to be sleeping, but when Nicky came back Piper wasn't there. She was immediately concerned that Piper had gone to be sick again, so she went to check the bathrooms. She was relieved that Piper didn't appear to be in any of them so she wasn't throwing up, but then where was she?

It was close to dinner time and she hoped Piper was there, but when Nicky went into the cafeteria Piper wasn't there either. All of her other friends were, though, including Alex, and they waved her over to their table. Reluctantly she went over, sure that she Piper would walk in at any moment, or, at least, she'd be able to find her afterward.

Nicky wasn't even aware of the other people talking to her at the table until someone waved a hand in front of her face. She was too busy thinking of all the places Piper could be if she wasn't here or in her cube.

"Nicky - Earth to Nicky-" Alex said from across from her.

"Eh? What?" Nicky had been paying no attention at all.

"I said where's Piper" Alex repeated rather unenthusiastically, probably since she had to say it over like five times.

Nicky wasn't going to tell her that she didn't know, because if she did Alex would probably have sort of fit, and plus, Nicky had given her word that she would take care of Piper, so if she lost her it meant she failed. "I'm not telling you, Vause, she doesn't want to talk to you, and right now she can't even be in the same room as you in case you don't remember earlier," Nicky said evenly, hoping desperately that Alex just believed her.

Lorna, who was sitting next to Nicky, hadn't been paying much attention until Nicky had started talking. "What happened to Piper earlier?" She asked Alex, but before Alex could answer Nicky spoke up again.

"She felt sick, it's nothing to worry about, she should be better in a few days, though," Nicky said quickly, earning a questioning look from Alex, but she ignored it.

"You know, I bet it's the weather. It's been snowing here for like three days now when it clears I'm sure she'll feel better" Lorna added. "Speaking of Chapman, I think I'm going to go see how she is" Nicky stood up and was about to leave but Red who was also sitting at the table called after her "But Nicky, you didn't have anything to eat" but Nicky wasn't paying attention anymore, she had a thought and needed to go see if she was right. And she hoped to god that she wasn't.

Without another word she left the cafeteria quickly and headed towards the stairs where there was a window with a view of the yard. It was so hard to see since it was dark and the snow was so heavy it blurred everything together. She scanned the white yard until her eyes skimmed over something that wasn't supposed to be there. A person lying in the snow. Shit.

She practically ran down the stairs passing Red and Lorna who had left the cafeteria just after her.

"Nicky slow down, what happened?!" Red called after her, making Nicky pause at the door.

"It's Piper! One of you get some blankets, one of you hold the door, she's outside and I'm going to get her. Don't tell anyone, especially Vause" Nicky demanded quickly before pushing the door open and vanishing into the snow. It was so cold. The icy wind cut across her face, she could only hope that Piper wasn't frozen to death already. Damn Piper had really done it this time, or could she blame Alex? She didn't know, but she was cursing Piper right now for being stupid and for walking so far out into the yard while there was a giant snowstorm. By the time she reached the person she assumed was Piper, her fears were already confirmed, as even in the dark and snow, she could still see the blonde of her hair. Nicky's hands were shaking uncontrollably, but she still managed to get her arms around Piper's leaner frame, and she began dragging her limp body back towards the light of the prison door. As she got closer, she tripped dropping Piper and getting a face full of snow, but that only made her more determined to make it back. She pushed herself off the ground and got a better grip around Piper's torso and continued back to the door. Before she knew it, she found herself engulfed in the heat coming from the building and it stung, almost worse now than the cold. Thankfully most of the inmates were still at dinner as Lorna helped Nicky and Piper inside. Red had returned and gasped at the sight of the two girls who had been outside. She immediately helped Nicky get Piper to her cube with Lorna following quickly behind them.

Nicky didn't know how long Piper had been out there and that really worried her. Piper's lips were blue and her skin was paler than normal. Nicky prayed that they could get Piper back to normal before Alex noticed anything happened.

Red had made up Piper's bed with extra blankets, but they needed to change her wet clothes before they put her in it. They carefully set her down on the floor. "Nicky we need to get her out of these clothes, get her a different set" Red ordered in her thick Russian accent.

"Uh-all herrr clothesss are innn the lauundrrry, I-I tttook theem therrre myselllf " Nicky shivered as she started pulling Piper's shirt over her unconscious head, but she was having so much difficulty because her hands were still shaking uncontrollably.

Nicky turned to Lorna who had been busy trying to get Piper's shoes and socks off. "Lorrrna go-go gget a-a ssset of my clothess you-you knnoww wheree theey are" Nicky tried so hard not to shiver as she talked, but she couldn't help it. Lorna nodded and scurried off to Nicky's cube to fetch some new clothes.

"What got into her?!" Red asked as she helped Nicky get Piper's shirt completely off.

"Ssshe annd Allexx arre havvinnng issuesss" Nicky managed to say without giving too much away.

"Aren't they always?" Red scoffed as she leaned down to help Nicky with Piper's clothes. Thankfully Lorna returned just then with two new sets of clothes so Nicky didn't have to explain further; yet.

Nicky quickly stripped off her shirt and pants and slid into the dry ones Lorna had brought for her before she knelt back down and started re-dressing Piper. They had left her bra and underwater on, not wanting to deprive Piper of any sort of dignity if she recovered from this. Nicky had finally started to warm up and she and Red were able to dress Piper fairly quickly before they lifted her into the bed and covered her up to her neck in blankets.

Nicky sat just on the edge of the bed and put a hand to Piper's cheek. She was still freezing.

"Is she going to be okay?" Nicky asked glancing up at Red nervously. She didn't know what would happen if Piper didn't come back to them. She had no idea how she would react, let alone how Alex would if Piper- she didn't even want to think about it.

"I don't know honey." She reached for Piper's hand and held tightly onto her wrist searching for a pulse. Piper was still alive, her pulse was weak, but it was there. "She's still alive, but we'll have to keep an eye on her overnight, and hopefully she'll wake up," Red said. She had never cared much for the blonde, but now that she was lying there so vulnerable, and on the edge of death she felt sorry for her and admittedly more than a little curious about what pushed her over the edge. Nicky had mentioned Alex, and even though Red had a generally neutral feeling towards the tall brunette but not anymore, she had hurt one of Nicky's friends, and any friend of Nicky's was a friend of Red's, so that made it her problem. If Alex wanted to play rough prison bitch with her friends then so be it, but Red would remember all that had happened.

Red had noticed how quick Nicky had taken a liking to Piper since Piper arrived, and it made her happy that she had friends outside of druggies. Proud was the best word to describe how Red felt when she saw how willing Nicky had been to help Piper, she just hoped that Nicky's effort wasn't in vain.

Nicky seemed somewhat calmed by Red's words, but she still insisted on hugging the older woman in thanks for her help.

Nicky sat back down and took Piper's hand in hers and just hoped she would wake up.

Lorna sat down next to her comfortingly, but Nicky didn't want any of it. She knew she shouldn't have left Piper alone after she had seen what happened.

"Morello, can you keep an eye out for Alex for me, and let me know if she comes this way?" Nicky asked without taking her eyes off the unconscious blonde.

"Sure Nicky" Lorna said in her usual high pitched slightly accented voice before she walked away to go sit in her bunk to watch for Alex.

Red just stood there disapprovingly looking down at Nicky, who got the feeling she was about to be told off.

"What are you going to do? Why are you trying to keep Alex away from her?" Red asked.

"Alex did this to her, ma." Nicky said as if that would clear everything up, but when she looked up at Red, she knew she wasn't getting away with that answer. "They fought earlier, kind of" Nicky continued.

Red threw her hands up in the air, she clearly must be getting old if she couldn't understand how people fought anymore. "How can you 'kind of' fight with someone Nicky, explain that to me and why the Fuck do you care?!"

"Red- she probably my best friend in this joint- I can't lose her like we lost Trish- not this way, she has to get better" Nicky said quietly shuddering at the memory of the last girl that committed suicide there. "but listen they can't know I told you, yeah, they're my friends" Red nodded in acceptance of that condition. "So uh- Alex made Piper choose between her and her fiancé Barry or whatever the Fuck his name is, and when Piper went to Alex to tell her, her decision, Alex assumed she had chosen her fiancé, so in order to tell Alex how she felt, she called him and dumped him while Alex was listening, therefore proving that she had chosen Alex, but I guess Alex didn't believe her, or she wasn't expecting that, or I don't even know, but Alex never answered, and when Piper and I stopped by to see Alex a bit later, Alex still hadn't made up her mind, but she didn't tell Piper that and instead ignored her completely, which was totally uncalled for" Nicky explained quickly recapping everything. "Anyways, Piper didn't expect that reaction from Vause and she got real sick to her stomach and lost her entire lunch over it. I brought her back here and told her to lie down while I got her laundry sorted out and had a word with Vause. I stopped on my way back to get some water for her, but she wasn't here when I got back. I checked all the bathrooms and then I gave up and expected her to be at dinner, but she wasn't and I had no idea where to look until Morello mentioned the weather, and you know the rest" Nicky sighed and leaned back against the wall.

Red nodded slowly. "I see." She reached into her pocket and pulled out some folded papers and handed them to Nicky. "That explains this then"

Nicky's eyes widened. She took the papers and took a deep breath before looking back up at Red getting silent confirmation that it was what she had been internally hoping not to be true. She had wanted Piper to wake and tell her it was an accident, but the papers in her hands signified, and made it abundantly clear that this was no accident. Piper had chosen this.

Nicky carefully unfolded the papers and saw that most of the two pages front and back were full of words. Piper had obviously cried whilst writing it, as there were circular water stains all over it. She read it slowly, not wanting to miss any detail and her heart broke more with every word that was written. Piper seemed to have given this a lot of thought and there appeared to be a short section to everyone she cared about, it brought tears to Nicky's eyes, and she never cried.

 _Dear world,_

 _I'm going to leave now and I just wanted to say my final goodbyes, because I will miss so many of the people here, even if they will never miss me._

 _First of all to my parents:_

 _I'm sorry I was such a Fuck up in your eyes, and I hope you can find it somewhere in your cold, black hearts to forgive me for going to prison, and for ruining your precious reputations. Although, I hope my death can bring you some peace in the fact that I can no longer Fuck up your lives. I always loved you, even after the hell you put me through. Goodbye._

 _Cal:_

 _You were always the best part of our family, and it was a pleasure to be your competition for the worst child and biggest disappointment. I will miss your friendship. Goodbye, favorite brother._

 _Polly:_

 _You were one of my best friends and my worst enemies, and I loved you for it. Thank you for always being there for me, except when you weren't. I know you never agreed with my lifestyle choices, but after all, it was my life, and I forgive you for it. I just hope you can forgive me for being a stuck up bitch and not listening to you when you told me I was fucked. Anyways, I will miss you. Goodbye, Pol._

 _Larry:_

 _Yes, I know, crazy right. After I called to tell you it was over I included you in my suicide note. Well, I just wanted to be clear that you're a great guy, just not for me, and I also wanted you to know that I did mean everything I said to you earlier, so you can just think about that. Goodbye forever._

 _To whomever, it may concern inside Litchfield Federal Prison._

 _Red:_

 _I'm sorry I insulted your food the first day I got here. It was an honest mistake. Please forgive me._

 _Morello and friends:_

 _It was a pleasure meet you all, and although I'm sure my death means a whole lot of nothing to you guys, I wanted you to know I thought of you as my friends._

 _Nicky Nichols: -_

Nicky stopped reading right there. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know what Piper had written to her. She was still hoping for her to live, although Piper obviously had thought this out and Nicky was going to find out sooner or later, so she might as well read it now. And if she was lucky and Piper lived, she could beat her up for putting her through this nightmare.

 _Nicky Nichols:_

 _I'd like to thank you first of all for being my friend, and second of all for putting up with all of my fucked up problems. Also, thank you for your help earlier today, I'm only sorry that I couldn't say goodbye in person, I know if I had tried you would have stopped me, or, at least, talked me out of it, but I couldn't let you do that, so I regret that I had to say goodbye to you this way. None of this was your fault, though, and I swear to god if you blame yourself you better believe I will come back as a ghost and haunt you forever until you let it go, so please for both of us, don't blame yourself. You were probably my best friend in prison, thank you for making it bearable, and for your constant humorous commentary during all of our electrical work. I am not taking any secrets to my grave, so I wanted to admit that although your blunt lesbo nature kind of creeped me out when I first met you, I'm really glad I did because you are a really cool person, and I'll miss you so much. Stay away from drugs my friend._

Nicky couldn't help herself, she was full on crying now and even though some parts of it were meant to lighten the mood of it all, it just made it worse for her to think that Piper was able to joke around while she wrote all of this. She skimmed over the rest of it which was addressed to Alex, and there was another short section at the very end to the world again. Nicky didn't know if she should read what Piper wrote to Alex, especially since Alex caused this whole event in the first place, and Nicky knew that if she read it she probably wouldn't be able to stop herself from mauling Alex for what she did to Piper, but that made it all the more enticing for her to read. She wanted a reason to punch that bitch in the face. So she continued reading in hopes that she would find one.

 _My dearest Alex Vause:_

 _I hope this letter makes it to you, especially since I wrote the most for you._

 _First of all, I want you to understand that I did this for you, as it was my choice, and I didn't do it because of you, so it wasn't your fault._

 _Secondly, I know you won't be able to read this whole thing without breaking down because I know you're a total softie at heart. I know you're probably reading like "What the Fuck is this stupid bitch going on about. The only words to describe me are, tall, sexy, and badass" I know that, but I'd like to think I knew the true you, totally soft and cuddly. If I wasn't dead already I'm sure you'd kill me for saying that, too bad I am right?_

 _Anyways moving on, I thought you should know that I absolve you of your title "Ruiner of Piper Chapman's Life" because I did that myself, with only marginal help from you, which I forgive you for. Actually, come to think of it, I think I forgave you a long time ago for everything that happened._

 _Also, I know that I am anything but deserving of your love, trust, or even your forgiveness, but I wanted to apologize this one last time for all of the pain and heartache I put you through. I should never have abandoned you ten years ago. I should have held on to you and never let you go, but you don't need to worry about me anymore, I won't cause you any more problems._

 _By the way, I hope you realize that my death allowed me to keep the promise I made you earlier today; you will never have to hear me speak, or see me occupy the same room as you, and I will never ever be able to crawl back to you with my needs, my problems, my love, or even my laundry on the days when I could have had mine washed anyways, you needn't worry because I won't come crawling back to you at all. And if I come back as a ghost, maybe I'll visit you when I'm not too busy haunting Nicky or my family._

 _Lastly, I did say I wouldn't come back to you with my love, I am afraid I have to revise that. I have always and will always love you, Alex Vause, whether I'm there to show it or not, my love for you will always exist._

 _Please find some sort of peace in your life now that I'm not there to destroy it._

 _I heart you, always. -Pipes_

 _And finally, to any investigators or prison staff, I fully admit that this was an action of my own doing and, therefore, a suicide. There is no need for an investigation. I wasn't forced by anyone except myself, and there were no weapons or drugs involved. However, if I may, I suggest you lock the doors in winter if you don't want this to happen again._

 _Sincerely, (signed) Piper Elizabeth Chapman, loving daughter, sister, acquaintance, friend, and lover._

Nicky hadn't even noticed Red had found a chair to sit in as she had finished reading Piper's final words. Nicky wiped the remaining tears out of her eyes, took one last look at the unconscious Piper, and stood. Red watched her. "Where do you think you're going?! Are you going to just leave her here?!" Red snapped, trying to talk some sense into Nicky before she did something stupid.

"Where is everyone at, they should have come back from dinner by now?" Nicky evaded Red's question.

"They're at the Christmas party, in the chapel, so if you are going to confront Vause like I can see is what you're about to do, maybe don't do it in front of everyone" Red knew there was no talking Nicky out of it, but this way she would get in less trouble.

"She needs to know that she did this and she needs to be able to live with that!" Nicky said loudly causing Lorna to peek out of her bunk. "Hey Morello, why don't you go to the Christmas party, yeah, I'll stay here with Chapman in case Vause shows up," Nicky said as calmly as she could. Lorna nodded and disappeared down the hallway, leaving Red, Nicky, and the cold, unconscious Piper all alone.

"Red, why don't you go enjoy the party," Nicky said after a few minutes of silence.

"And leave you all alone with the dying girl? I don't think so, besides you will need a witness to say you didn't kill her if she- uh if she..." Red trailed off at the horrified look she got from Nicky. "Don't worry, I'm sure she'll be fine"

"How the Fuck can you tell me not to worry?! Are you fucking kidding me right now?! She's fucking dying from hypothermia and you're telling me not to worry?!" Nicky was beside herself with anger for Alex for having done this, and she felt guilty for leaving Piper alone when she knew what had happened.

Red went silent and just let Nicky be, she knew if she said anything else it wouldn't go over well.

Nicky never expected Piper to try something like this. The part that scared Nicky the most, the part that made everything worse, was that if it wasn't for her, Piper would be dead by now. Frozen solid, not found until the light of day if she wasn't covered by too much snow, and if that happened, she wouldn't have been found until the snow melted. She would have been reported missing for sure, and Alex would have been distraught for sure, but there would have been no definitive answer as to whether she was dead or alive, or free, or just good at hiding. No one would know because no one else had cared enough to look for her, hell no had even noticed she went missing. Not even Alex Vause had noticed, albeit that was because Nicky lied to her, but she figured if Vause really cared, and really wanted Piper back, or if she really wanted to know how Piper was, Alex would have come looking for her herself no matter what Nicky told her. But Alex didn't, so Nicky was the only one who noticed. Even the guards didn't notice that one of their prisoners went missing, left the building during a snowstorm, and tried to commit suicide. Nicky knew this place was a joke, but come on. She had hoped since what happened with Trish, security would have tightened up around here just so things like this wouldn't happen as easily as they could, but based on the blue-lipped blonde that lay near her, nothing had changed at all. She didn't even notice anymore, but she had tears in her eyes again as all of these thoughts raced through her mind.

"Nicky - what is it?" Red asked when she noticed the wetness on Nicky's cheeks.

"It's just - hard to think that if- if I wouldn't have found her - she would be dead right now because no one else even noticed" Nicky didn't know if she was even making sense anymore, but she knew she could tell Red anything, even if it was nonsense.

Red moved over and sat next to Nicky, letting her cry onto her shoulder. "Shh - it's okay Nicky, you were there for her, though, even when no one else was. You probably saved her life, and when she wakes up she'll thank you for it" Red soothed her, speaking quietly.

When Nicky finally let Red go, she felt a lot better. It wasn't so much Red's words, but her presence was just comforting.

The Christmas party must have ended because people started wondering back to their cubes, laughing and smiling. One of the first people Nicky saw was Morello who upon seeing her tread quickly over to her. "Nicky, Vause is coming back, I didn't tell her anything I swear," Lorna said quickly before smiling and returning to her cube across the way.

Sure enough, a few minutes later Alex could be seen walking purposefully towards Nicky, and it took everything Nicky had to not give anything of what happened away, at least not yet. She still had everything under control. Before Alex reached them, Nicky got Red's help in rolling Piper onto her side to make it look like she was upset, or at the very least like she was asleep.

Alex stopped just outside of Piper's cube and gazed at the blonde, whom she assumed was just ignoring her, until Nicky obstructed her view.

"Vause, I thought I told you not to come near her until you got your Shit together," Nicky said cooly.

"I know, I remember. I just wanted to see her." Alex said sadly. "Piper!" Alex said hoping to get the blonde's attention, but Piper didn't move at all. In fact, Alex could hardly tell the Piper was even breathing.

"Shit Vause! She's asleep!" Nicky hissed.

"Are you sure? Is she even breathing Nicky?!" Alex's eyes narrowed and she quickly moved around Nicky, but before she could get to Piper, Red stepped in front of her.

"She's fine, no thanks to you. She said she might talk to you tomorrow, but that was before she fell asleep, I imagine if you wake her now she'll not be too grateful!" Red said sharply, her accent thick and intimidating. Alex nodded and backed away.

"Can you uh let me talk to her tomorrow then?" Alex asked Red but looked at Nicky for any signs of disapproval. Nicky shared a concerned glance with Red before she looked back at Alex.

"If she asks for you, we'll let you know," Nicky said, and with that, Alex turned to leave back to her own bunk.

Nicky quickly rolled Piper back onto her back and readjusted the blankets. Her skin was warmer than before and she was regaining some of the colors in her cheeks. Her lips were also a shade closer to red than they had been an hour before.

When the guards did their final rounds of the night, Nicky had to go back to her cube, but as soon as the lights were off and she was sure her roommate was asleep, she quietly made her way back to Piper's bunk. She would stay there all night, it wasn't like she was going to get any sleep anyways.

She positioned herself at the foot of Piper's bed and let herself lean back against the wall. She held one of Piper's hands and it seemed to bring her just enough comfort that she fell asleep for a few hours. When she woke up it was still dark, she was still on the foot of Piper's bed, and it was totally silent, she glanced around to see what woke her up. She almost screamed, had a heart attack, and fainted at the same time. She had to rub her eyes and pinch herself twice to make sure she wasn't in some twisted dream, or in a wonderful nightmare, because she was looking right at Piper who was leaning on her elbows, looking as confused as ever, but she was awake! And she was alive and that's what Nicky cared about.

"Nicky? Is that you-" Piper asked before she started coughing, her throat scratchy and hoarse from the cold dry air.

Nicky crushed her in a hug immediately. She had never been happier to hear Piper's voice.

"I can't believe you're alive. You bitch! I'm gonna kill you for what you did!" Nicky whispered quietly, but Piper could tell she was both happy and serious.

"Would you mind letting go of me?" Piper barely managed to say before she started coughing again.

Nicky did as requested and quickly handed Piper that bottle of water she got for her earlier.

"First tell me how you feel," Nicky said in a hushed voice.

"Cold, hungry, and tired, like really- really tired" Piper drawled and for a moment Nicky was scared that if Piper closed her eyes again she may never open them again. Piper's head lolled to the side and her eyes closed softly. "Piper, no. Wake up damn it" She shook her lightly, and then grabbed her head and forced her eyes open.

"Hmm? What happened?" Piper asked sleepily.

"You have to stay awake Piper stay with me" Nicky muttered and Piper nodded.

"I'll try but Nicky- where's the note I..."Piper trailed off when she saw Nicky hold up the papers. "You read them?"

"You bet your pretty fucking ass I did, but we can talk about that tomorrow," Nicky said. She didn't want to bother Piper with how upset this whole ordeal made her, yet.

"Okay, but did Alex? Did Alex read it too?" Piper asked hesitantly.

"No Chapman she doesn't know anything. She doesn't know what happened." Nicky tried to explain.

"What?" For some reason, that seemed to make Piper anxious and the last thing Nicky wanted was to stress her out.

"I told her you were still sick from earlier and she believed me" Nicky smiled softly.

Without any warning to Nicky, Piper used all of her strength to push herself up and wrap her arms tightly around the other woman. "Thank you so much" Piper whispered before she pushed Nicky away and started coughing.

"Easy tiger, lay off. You gotta rest up." Nicky grinned and Piper just shook her head.

"Nicky. She can't know." Piper said seriously.

"Eh?"

"Alex. She can't ever know what I tried to do. And she must never ever find out, do you hear me?" Piper barely managed to say without coughing again.

"Okay okay, jeez. We can go over things like that tomorrow, right now you seem okay, but I'm gonna wake you in a few hours okay?" Nicky said before she yawned and leaned back against the wall again. Piper laid back down and reached for one of Nicky's hands. She held onto it as tightly as she could muster because just Nicky's presence was comforting to Piper as she felt herself spiral in the black oblivion and her last thought was of how lucky she was to have had a friend like Nicky.

* * *

 **A/N I hope to have the final chapter up in less than a week. Let me know what you thought in a review or feel free to PM me!**

 **Also just in case you don't like how Alex was portrayed in this section, the next chapter will show more of her and her thoughts on everything.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Hey, so there was a change of plan. I decided, after giving it some thought and realizing I couldn't bring it to the conclusion I wanted to in only these two chapters, that it will actually be longer, I can't say how long, though. With that in mind, I made some changes to this chapter so there aren't as many Alex/Piper moments as I promised, but those will come, and there is still a healthy amount of angst and drama, though, so don't worry about that. Still kind of OOC for some of the characters, but I hope you can look past that.**

 **Special thanks to the wonderful Reven207 for suggesting I make it longer, and for their willingness to listen to my crazy ideas!**

 **Also, thank you to those who took the time to review on the first chapter. Although, I will say if you don't like the way I set up the characters (namely Alex), don't read any further, because I write them the way I do and unless you have a specific way I can make it better, there's nothing I can do. Otherwise, thank you for your kind words, and I hope you enjoy what is to come.**

 **Please Enjoy!**

* * *

Alex could hardly sleep at all. She tossed and turned on her uncomfortable bed. There was only one thing on her mind that was keeping her up-Piper.

She knew she loved Piper, and that was something that would never change. The problem was that Piper was unpredictable, unreliable, and extremely stubborn.

Her goal was never to get back together with Piper when she named her to the FEDs. She fully intended to make Piper suffer, just like she had when Piper left her in Paris. But when Piper kissed her that first time after she was released from SHU, Alex realized she didn't really want Piper to suffer, she didn't really want to cause her harm. But she still did because Piper had hurt her terribly. Now she wanted to work things out, she wanted things to be good between them again. Alex knew, though, that a relationship between them would come with a cost. A cost that Alex hadn't decided if she could pay. She didn't know if she could forgive Piper for Paris or if she could forgive her for treating her like a substitute for her fiancée.

It was easier for Piper, though, it always was. Alex always had to fight for everything, but not Piper. Piper never had to worry her pretty little head about anything because everything she had was handed to her on a silver platter. Forgiving Piper involved believing that Piper was worthy of forgiveness and Alex didn't know if she was. That was the whole issue, though. She desperately wanted to forgive her. Piper had already made her decision, she had chosen Alex over Larry, and that was what Alex wanted. And she should be happy about it, but nothing Piper said changed the fact that she walked out on her all those years ago or that she almost did it again.

No apology in the world could make up for what she'd done and how she'd broken Alex's heart, but if Piper would talk to her again, Alex would give her a chance and maybe that's all they would need.

More or less, Alex decided she needed Piper to hear what she had to say because she was getting nowhere with her own thoughts, and she still couldn't sleep.

She got up for a moment, perhaps getting a look at the blonde would help ease her troubled mind. She shuffled quietly across the way to Piper's cube and leaned on the half wall just outside. She could see that Nicky was there, asleep and still holding onto one of Piper's hands.

Nicky being involved confused her to no end as well. She didn't know if she wasn't paying close enough attention, or if perhaps they knew each other outside of prison, or what happened, but she never realized how close friends they were if that's all it was. God, she hoped that's all it was, Alex didn't know if she could stand it if Nicky and Piper got in a relationship. It would just be weird. Even though she considered Nicky a good friend, she couldn't entertain the idea of them together, not so soon at least. She wouldn't admit it, but she felt a slight twinge of jealousy that Piper would rather have Nicky take care of her than anyone else, especially because Alex thought Nicky was better friends with her than she was with Piper. She couldn't believe Nicky was even on Piper's side over this. She didn't understand at all.

She took a deep breath and glanced over Piper's sleeping form.

She looked so blissful, her blonde hair draped over her pillow, the remnants of a soft smile still toying on the edges of her mouth. Alex sighed. She was right, just seeing Piper was enough to calm her down, and to make up her mind. She would talk to Piper in the morning, over breakfast.

She walked back to her cube and easily fell asleep with thoughts of having Piper in her arms again fresh in her mind.

* * *

"Nicky! Nicky - wake up" Red shook her by the shoulders roughly.

Nicky blinked her eyes open and was completely awake in seconds, thought surrounding Piper rushing back to her.

"Red, what, what is it? Is she okay?!" Nicky asked hastily, but she relaxed slightly as she glanced over the sleeping blonde next to her.

"She was awake a second ago and asking for you," Red said. It was brighter out than the last time Nicky was awake, and there were a few people milling about as the rest of the prison slowly woke up.

"Thanks, Red," Nicky said over her shoulder as she moved so she was kneeling at the edge of Piper's bed. The blonde seemed to be shifting in and out of consciousness muttering things Nicky couldn't understand.

"Piper? It's Nicky" She said softly taking one of Piper's hands.

Her green eyes opened wider, and she blinked a few times when she heard Nicky's voice.

"Piper, can you hear me?" Nicky asked trying to get an affirmative answer from her. Piper nodded slowly as she tried to sit up.

"Do you need anything?" Nicky helped Piper sit up further.

"Water," Piper said, her throat dangerously dry, sending her into a coughing fit. Nicky was fast in retrieving the requested item from the cabinet and handing it carefully over to Piper.

The cool liquid soothed her burning throat, and she was able to breathe again. "Thank you".

Piper crisscrossed her legs and shifted slightly to make room for Nicky to sit next to her.

Piper was still pale, but the blue hue of her lips had disappeared and they returned to their normal pinkness.

"How do you feel?" Nicky wanted Piper to say she felt fine, but then again Nicky wouldn't believe her if she did.

"I don't know, I don't really feel like anything," Piper said clearly confused by her own answer.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Nicky looked at her, trying to read any expression or emotions in Piper's eyes. But Piper's eyes didn't hold their normal brightness and energy, they seemed dull and void of any feelings and that almost scared Nicky more than anything else.

"I don't know. I'm not sure if I'm happy or not. I just feel empty inside. Thank you for saving me Nicky, but maybe you shouldn't have" That wasn't what Nicky wanted to hear. She expected that Piper would feel awful or that she was thankful to be alive, but the nothingness that was reflected in her voice and her eyes, that she seemed to feel meant that she may try this again and Nicky didn't know if she could take it. Someone would have to be with her all the time until she was satisfied that Piper wouldn't try this again. But Nicky would have to be careful with who she told, she trusted Morello and she figured between the two of them, they could keep Piper company all the time, and under no circumstances should she be left alone with Alex, but it would be hard.

Nicky was so busy trying to formulate this plan that she almost forgot to respond to Piper's statement. She turned to face her and looked Piper right in the eyes. "Chapman listen to me. Don't say that! Don't ever say that!" Nicky said seriously. "Vause can go Fuck herself, you don't need her, and you don't need to do something as stupid as that ever again, do you hear me!"

Piper nodded silently.

"Piper promise you won't try this again!" Nicky needed to hear her say it.

"I won't, Nicky I promise," Piper said softly, but not convincing enough for Nicky's liking.

It was almost time for breakfast and Nicky knew that if Piper didn't want to be hauled off to the SHU or down to psych, she would have to act normal like nothing happened. Luckily for Nicky, they had another shift in electrical today so she could keep an eye on her with a less likely chance of running into Alex.

"Do you think you can make it down to breakfast?" Nicky asked as she stood and stretched her sore limbs. Sleeping at the bottom of Piper's bed did not agree with her, next time she would sleep on the floor.

"Probably, but I'm not very hungry, you go without me," Piper said wearily, but Nicky shook her head as she looked down at her.

"Nope, you're coming with me," Nicky said. "Even if you don't eat anything you're not staying in here all day."

"But-but Alex" Piper stuttered as if saying Alex's name would make Nicky understand.

"One second" Nicky carefully walked away from Piper and towards Alex's cube. The brunette wasn't there. Nicky went back to Piper. "She probably went to shower or something, she isn't there. But Piper I'll be there, you don't have to say anything to her. You don't owe her anything."

"But I- okay, let's go," Piper said as she pushed herself off her bed. Her legs were shaking slightly, but Nicky put an arm around her shoulders to keep her from falling back onto the mattress.

"Come on Chapman, nice and easy," Nicky said as they walked slowly down the halls passing a few people here and there.

Most people were already in the cafeteria, sitting, laughing and joking, still excited by the festivities of the night before, oblivious to the horror that both Nicky and Piper experienced.

Nicky helped Piper sit down next to Red and Morello while she went to grab some food, even if Piper wasn't going to have any, she was starved.

"I'll be right back," Nicky said before she walked quickly away, looking back occasionally to watch Piper at the table to make sure she didn't go anywhere.

"How do you feel Chapman?" Morello asked curiously. She saw what had happened last night, and although she didn't know why, she was concerned.

"I feel-" Piper started to answer before she started coughing. "Fine" she managed to finish although unconvincingly.

"Jesus Chapman you sound like shit- why don't you have something to eat, it will do you good," Red said knowingly.

"Thank you-" more coughing. "But I'm not hungry" Piper refused. She didn't know if she could stomach anything yet. She didn't even know if her life even had a meaning anymore and thinking of the prison food made her feel worse about her decisions recently.

She gave up her fiancée for Alex, and now she had no one. Until now she hadn't realized just how dependent she was on other people and how awful it was to be alone, especially in this prison. Maybe this was a good thing, though. Maybe this was just a lesson she had to learn to be a stronger, independent person.

"She's right Pipes, you should really eat something," Alex said sitting down across from Piper, breaking the blonde out of her thoughts. Piper looked up hesitantly at the woman in front of her, now she really didn't want to eat anything. She wasn't ready to face Alex, she didn't know if she would ever be. But she knew she couldn't do it now. She needed to get herself better and prove that she didn't need anyone. She could survive this, she'd gotten over Alex before, she could do it again. Granted before, she had actually left Alex and she didn't have to see her every day, but if she could do it now again after everything, that would prove she was strong enough, both to herself, and to Alex. If only the raven-haired woman in front of her wasn't so damned sexy, and alluring and if she didn't feel so inevitable to her.

"I don't recall saying you could sit there" Red sneered before Piper even started to think of a response.

"That's because I didn't ask, and I don't have to" Alex retorted sharply before turning back to Piper. How was it that she had everyone on her side? Alex knew how manipulative the blonde was, but the fact that she had Red fighting for her was a real surprise. Whatever the reason for that was, she brushed it off for now. "Feeling better today?" Alex asked, her voice smooth and full of concern, but Piper could hardly look at her and she didn't answer.

"Piper, look at me, I'm sorry, okay, I just need some time, and I need you to let me explain why" Alex continued when Piper didn't answer her.

Piper chuckled and had to look away, careful not to start coughing again. Piper didn't know what was funnier, the fact that Alex was sitting in front of _her,_ asking _her_ for more time, or that Alex thought she _owed_ her an explanation, which she didn't, and Piper didn't want to hear it anyways.

"Okay, so here's an idea, why don't you take all the time you need somewhere else and explain to someone who actually cares," Lorna said coolly surprising them all. Alex raised an eyebrow at her. The Italian almost never spoke to anyone like that, least of all to Alex. There were only a few people who actually had the guts to challenge Alex like that, Piper, Nicky, and a few others.

Damn, Piper really has them wrapped around her finger, she thought.

"Morello has a point, go on Vause, you can leave now" Red spoke up again.

It was Alex's turn to laugh now, although humorlessly. "And you're going to make me?" She wasn't going to get in an actual fight over this, although if she did maybe Piper would listen to her.

"No- I will" Said Nicky who was now standing behind Piper. She had been watching them closely and as soon as Alex sat down in front of Piper, she knew there was going to be trouble, she was just relieved to hear that Lorna and Red understood what the issue was here.

"Woah, you her bodyguard now?" Alex directed at Nicky, smirking incredulously. "Or are you my replacement? Are you two -" She gestured between Piper and Nicky, leaving the last part up to interpretation. She watched a mix of emotions across Piper's eyes, but the blonde remained silent. Alex could see that her idea of talking to Piper had failed before she and even sat down, and she wasn't going to take this from them anymore. She didn't care if she sounded like a jealous bitch because she just wanted everyone else to back off and let her talk to Piper. She could see that wasn't going to happen so she chose to insult them instead, knowing full well that would do more harm than good, she just didn't care anymore.

So Alex had resorted to accusing Piper of cheating as if Piper had anyone to cheat on. she wasn't in a relationship anymore. She had dumped Larry, and she and Alex had nothing definite, She would be damned if Alex thought otherwise and could, therefore, use her friendship with Nicky against her. That's rich, Piper thought still watching the other woman intently, only Alex could reject someone and then get jealous over nothing!

Given the look on Nicky's face, she wasn't too happy about that accusation either. "Us fucking? Of course, because, after only a day, she's over the emotional wreckage you caused and already realized that I'm a much better option, Jesus christ," Nicky shot back. "No, look, Alex, you can stop being jealous now because even I'm above fucking my best friend!"

"Piper, you don't really _want_ me to go, do you?" Alex ignored Nicky's comment and the others and instead focused on Piper who was now watching Alex, silent and emotionless, clearly deciding if she was going to speak. Piper really didn't know anymore. Alex was acting bitchier than usual and she didn't really like it. Piper couldn't sit there and listen to her insult her and her friends anymore. She could deal with Alex later, she thought, some other time when Alex wasn't so riled up over nothing.

"Of course-" Nicky started, but Piper's hand on her arm caused her to stop, surprising everyone. Nicky looked at her questioningly, but Piper nodded silently saying it was okay. "Want. That's an interesting word that doesn't apply here Alex." Piper said evenly. "No, you don't have to go and I don't _want_ you to. Please stay for as long as you like" Piper said and Alex smirked as if she'd just won, but her smirk slid right off her face when Piper continued. "But don't expect me to stay, because we both know it's not about what _I_ want, it never is. It's only ever what _you_ want, Alex, and for your information, just because I _loved_ you doesn't give you the right to do and say whatever you want, and it absolutely doesn't mean I have to put up with you right now" Piper stood carefully, gripping Nicky's shoulder for support. "I'm done here" Alex was dumbfounded. She couldn't even remember the last time Piper spoke to her like that. Even Nicky was shocked to hear Piper like that, but it was understandable. There was only so much a person could take, and Piper exceeded her limit.

Nicky glanced once at Alex who gave her a pleading look before returning her attention to Piper. "Are you-"

"Yes, Nicky I can't be- here" She coughed and leaned more heavily into Nicky, and Alex who was watching felt that familiar mixture of guilt and jealousy again. Why did Piper have to be friends with Nicky?!

"Alright, calm down Chapman, let's get you some water and then we'll head over to electrical yeah?" Piper nodded. "Go on, I'll be right there" She added and Piper shuffled towards the door to the cafeteria.

"Piper?!" Alex stood and called after her, but Piper continued walking.

"You have no idea Alex. No fucking clue about what you did to her. I almost feel bad if you wouldn't have almost ruined her life for the last time" Nicky spat viciously before turning to leave to catch up with Piper, not letting any time for Alex to respond.

"Sit down Vause" Red suggested. Alex was so confused, she didn't know she could have hurt Piper this badly, and ironically this wasn't even the worst of it, but she didn't know that.

"What have I done?" Alex asked mostly to herself, but the other two women just glanced at each other. Both of them had given their word to Nicky that they wouldn't tell Alex what happened.

"Chapman's just sick and tired from yesterday, she'll get over it," Lorna said, but Alex didn't look impressed.

"This is all her fault. All of it" Alex said spitefully, even though she knew that she did this to Piper this time and she didn't even mean too. "Why do I have to be the one to apologize? What did I do?!"

"Maybe when you made her choose and when she did, you rejected her?" Red said remembering the whole explanation Nicky had given her the night before. "Or perhaps it was because you weren't there for her last night when she probably needed you the most" Red continued vaguely. Red assumed that if Alex was the one with Piper last night, Piper would have forgiven her already and this all would have been over.

"What are you talking about last night?! She wouldn't let me near her!" Alex snapped. "I didn't even know where she was yesterday during dinner or the Christmas party!"

Lorna and Red shared another uncertain glance and Red nodded to Lorna silently letting her know to give them some space. The young Italian woman smiled weakly and left the cafeteria. "Did you bother to look for her?!" Red asked even though she knew the answer.

"Why would I have?! She clearly wants nothing to do with me anymore" Alex grumbled. Why was everything involving Piper so complicated?

"That didn't stop you today." Red pointed out.

"No, but I was right anyways, she still doesn't want to be anywhere near me" Alex argued.

"Oh Vause," Red shook her head. "You have no idea how wrong you are, because if you did you wouldn't be sitting here, you would be talking to her instead" She continued. "I'm not going to tell you, but you need to figure out where Piper was last night, I think you'll find she wanted you more than you think" with that Red stood and left, leaving Alex sitting alone, more confused and concerned than when she sat down.

Well, her plan of talking to Piper had failed and now she had no reason to sit there anymore. She had completely lost her appetite, so she cleared her tray and was about to leave, but stopped short when she heard familiar voices around the corner to the cafeteria. It was Piper and Nicky.

"Piper, you can't keep beating yourself up over her," Nicky said facing Piper who was tiredly leaning against the wall. "You can't always be the one to leave, you have to get over it and suck it up because you'll both be in here with each other for a long time."

"I know, and I will get over it when I don't feel sick anymore, but this is all my fault," Piper said sadly. "Ten years ago I left her and it broke us both and she never forgave me...hell, I never forgave myself!" She said with realization.

Well, at least, Piper knew what one of the issues was, Alex thought. But Alex had been so busy trying to get over the loss of her mother and Piper at the same time that she never gave any thought to how Piper dealt with it. Never would she have thought that Piper actually felt guilty about leaving, even if it was right that she would. Alex had always assumed that Piper was completely happy with her decision and hadn't given it two thoughts since then.

"Why did I think anything would have been different? Things are never constant between us, there are never good times, only the calm before everything gets fucked up again" Piper continued.

Alex felt a sharp pain of guilt, but she did know it was true. Nothing was ever easy between them, but they were both different now, all of their time apart had changed them, and they should be able to forgive themselves and each other. It was just going to be hard.

"Piper, look at me, I don't know what all happened between you, but you both chose to tango, not everything could have been your fault," Nicky said sympathetically.

Alex had to admit it wasn't all Piper's fault. If Alex hadn't asked Piper to do another run for her, maybe Piper wouldn't have left, maybe they wouldn't be in prison right now. For sure if Piper had never met Alex they wouldn't be here, or, at least, Piper wouldn't be, but then again, Alex had said it before and she would say it again, Piper knew exactly what she was getting into. It was both of their faults.

Piper lifted her gaze to look at Nicky. "But this was, Nicky. I shouldn't have done anything. I should never have left her the first time, and I shouldn't have gone back to her when I got out of the SHU, I just wanted- well I don't even know what I was thinking but I shouldn't have gone back to her again- especially not under these circumstances- actually, we were never supposed to see each other again after I left." Piper explained. "That was supposed to be it. Over and done with. Nothing but a painful memory to both of us as we moved on with our lives because we aren't good for each other."

Alex couldn't even imagine not ever seeing Piper again anymore, it had been so devastating the first time that she didn't think she would be able to survive losing her again. After everything they had been through, she never wanted to not see her again, but then again maybe it would have been better for both of them.

"But aren't you glad that you got the chance anyways?" Nicky questioned, although she knew the real answer and the answer she was going to get from Piper were two different things.

"Hell no! Being in the same place as her is like being reminded everyday what a terrible person I am and how I managed to Fuck up her life" Piper had a point, Alex thought, but her fucked up life was mostly her own fault and although Piper always played a part, it was never completely her fault. The fact that Piper did think that, did nothing to ease Alex's guilt. "Now I almost did it again, although this time it's better," Piper said thoughtfully.

"Why? Why the fuck is it better?" Nicky questioned harshly, and truthfully Alex was wondering too.

"Because this time I decided to do something about it, or I tried to until you fucking stopped me! Everything would have been fine if you just left me alone!" Piper said angrily before closing her eyes and inhaling deeply. "Because that's all I deserve, Nicky, to be alone"

What did she mean, what did Piper try to do that Nicky stopped her from? That concerned Alex to no end, and not knowing was killing her.

"Shut the fuck up Chapman! Get a grip. Your life isn't over just because Vause rejected you!" Nicky said trying to knock some sense into Piper. "I saved your life Piper, and there was no need for it. Especially not over something so stupid! You need to get it together because you shouldn't have felt you had to do that. Not for Alex. Not for anyone!" Nicky was furious and Alex could tell but, why, what got her so riled up? "You're lucky I care about you because you almost fucked up all our lives, including your own!" Nicky continued just as harshly.

"No, everyone's lives would have been better because I wouldn't be here to Fuck them up anymore!" Piper snapped. "You should have let me die, Nicky" Piper practically growled, in complete seriousness, and Alex was just wondering if this was all a figure of speech or if Piper actually tried to kill herself.

That argument had taken more energy than Piper actually had and she couldn't fight anymore. Her body felt weak and she started feeling sleepy. Nicky noticed the change in the blonde right away.

Alex felt like she couldn't breath waiting for them to continue, and it only got worse when she heard Nicky's concerned voice.

"Piper?" Nicky said trying to get the blonde to focus her eyes on her again. "Piper look at me, you alright?"

"I don't feel good" Piper really felt rather faint, she tried to ignore it, but that wasn't going so well.

"You're okay Piper you'll be fine, come on" Nicky put an arm around Piper's shoulders and directed her down the hallway.

Alex peeked around the corner, Nicky was helping Piper walk down the hall. The blonde looked like she was drunk.

Alex decided to follow them, what more harm could it do, besides Red said she needed to know what happened the night before, listening to them could be the only way she could figure it out.

Piper could barely see straight, in fact, she might be seeing double and everything was spinning. "Nicky-" Piper stumbled slightly as her legs started to give way underneath her. Nicky was trying her best to keep the blonde walking forward with her, but it wasn't working.

"Keep walking Chapman, we're almost back to your bed, you can lay down in a second" Nicky said trying to pick up their pace so Piper didn't pass out in the middle of the hallway.

"Nicky-" Piper drawled before her eyes rolled back in her head and she collapsed. Alex was only a few steps behind them and without a second thought lunged forward to catch Piper before she hit the floor.

"Vause-" She heard Nicky's voice warningly from the other side of Piper.

"Don't argue with me now Nichols, you need my help. You can't lift her by yourself " Alex said preventing her from saying anything else. They both knew she was right, even if Nicky didn't want to admit it.

Alex managed to wrap Piper's arm around her shoulder, similar to Nicky, and they quickly walked her to her bunk and laid her down.

Nicky paced back and forth, trying to decide what to do, and frankly, she had no idea, she never really had to take care of anyone before. Alex, on the other hand, was on her knees at Piper's side, brushing errant locks of blonde hair behind Piper's ears and off her face.

"Back away from her Vause!" Nicky said suddenly.

"And if I say no?" Alex challenged from her position on the floor.

"Alex you need to leave," Nicky said. "She's trying to get over you. She doesn't need you"

"Oh really? From where I sit, you have no idea what you're doing" Alex replied. "I'd say she needs me more than she needs you. Do you even know how to take care of someone else?"

"Yes of course I do!" Nicky retorted, but that was a lie and Alex could see that.

"Then what's wrong? Why did she faint?" Alex asked only because she knew, and if Nicky didn't, she had a better reason to stay than the fact that she wanted to be there for Piper.

"She's just got low blood sugar since she didn't eat anything, but when she comes too, I'll make her eat, there, you can go now," Nicky said nervously, she actually had no clue.

"Wrong answer, Nicky," Alex said knowingly. "She has a fever you fucking idiot and combined with the stress from your argument, that overloaded her system so she passed out! She probably needs actual medical attention!"

"No, we have to take care of her here," Nicky said adamantly choosing to ignore the fact that Alex had just admitted to hearing them argue. Nicky knew they couldn't send Piper to a doctor because she might not come back. Not because she will have died, but because they'd send her to psych if they found out what happened and Nicky wasn't going to let that happen.

"Why? Just tell a C.O., they'll take her to a hospital" Alex said. She didn't want to see Piper taken away, but she would rather that than sitting here and watching her die.

"No, we can't," Nicky said, giving away nothing.

"Tell me why or I'm going to get a CO right now" Alex threatened standing up to call over the nearest C.O., who just happened to be Bennett. She knew he was all about the rules and he was a generally kind hearted person, who wouldn't hesitate to call a doctor for Piper. But she stopped when she felt a tugging on her arm.

"No, you can't. They'll send her to psych and she won't come back!" Nicky said hastily in a hushed voice. Alex's eyes widened with concern and suspicion.

"Why?" She pressed further but Nicky didn't answer right away. "Damn it, Nichols, why would they send her to psych!?" Alex had grabbed Nicky by the shoulders.

"I can't!" Nicky said trying to get out of Alex's grip. "Piper will kill me if I tell you. I swore I wouldn't!"

"Well, I'm going to get a C.O. right now, and come back to beat you for whatever it is you aren't telling me!" Alex hissed letting go of Nicky and turning away again.

"She's getting over hypothermia," Nicky said so quietly that Alex almost didn't hear her. Alex spun on her heel to face the shorter woman again.

"That's not possible, she hasn't been outside" Alex stated, clearly getting annoyed now.

"Yes, Alex, she was. I don't even know for how long, but it was over an hour. She wasn't wearing a coat, and I found her unconscious outside" Nicky explained, careful to leave out anything that could make it sound like a suicide attempt.

"When?" Alex asked as they walked back over to where Piper was.

"Yesterday. She went out while we were arguing in the laundry room and she was out there all during dinner" Nicky said, but Alex had her back to her. Alex had resumed her position on the floor next to Piper.

"Where?" Nicky heard Alex's soft voice.

She had to think fast. "She was looking for me in electrical and gotten her directions mixed up because the snow storm was so heavy last night and it was dark out." That should pass. She saw Alex nod in acceptance and she silently breathed a sigh of relief.

"Is that why she wouldn't talk to me last night Nicky? She wasn't asleep she was unconscious still?!" Alex asked harshly.

"Yeah, I didn't want to make anything harder for you Alex, you still had to figure your shit out and you didn't need to deal with hers too" Nicky tried to explain.

"You think it's any easier for me now, seeing her like this-" She gestured to the sleeping blonde. "Knowing that she could have needed me last night and I wasn't there for her" Alex continued.

"This wasn't your fault, Alex, it was an accident" Nicky lied, she knew it was Alex's fault this happened, but she couldn't make that accusation without informing Alex of what Piper really did.

"Of course, it wasn't my fault, but I still should have been there for her," Alex said, running her thumb over Piper's cheek.

"Can you help her by yourself, or does she need an actual doctor?" Nicky changed the subject.

Alex smirked. Fixing this fever would be nothing for Alex. A decade ago when they traveled the world together, Alex learned all of Piper's habits when she was sick. She learned how Piper liked to be taken care of, and how she liked to be treated. Alex had always done a good job of making Piper comfortable, and she knew Piper loved it.

"I think I can" Alex finally answered. "Can you go get some ice," Alex asked still not leaving Piper's bedside.

"You get it, I'll stay here" Nicky countered.

"Oh, and get a thermometer too please" Alex added ignoring Nicky's statement.

"I said you can get it, I'm not leaving her alone with you" Nicky repeated sharply.

"And I'm telling you to get it, or you can find someone else who knows how to take care of her like I do! Or maybe I should call a C.O. over instead" Alex returned roughly. Nicky exhaled and gave in grudgingly.

"I will be right back, don't try anything Vause, I'm warning you," Nicky said as she walked away, cursing herself for having to leave Piper with that bitch.

Alex cupped Piper's cheek in her hand, willing her to open her emerald green eyes for her.

"Piper, I don't really understand what happened, but I'm sorry for it," Alex whispered close to Piper's ear, hoping she could hear her. "I'm sorry I messed things up this time after you tried to fix them" She felt tears in her eyes but quickly wiped them away. "Piper please wake up, I don't want to lose you, and I need you to know that" She continued. Alex found Piper's hand and held onto it for dear life, wishing that Piper would forgive her, and hoping that they could just forget this whole thing.

Nicky was back less than fifteen minutes later with the ice, a cup of Ramen, and a bottle of hot sauce.

"What the Fuck is this?" Alex asked looking incredulously between Nicky and the bottle of hot sauce she handed her.

"What? Gloria said to just put some in her mouth and it should stimulate her senses enough to wake up" Nicky shrugged. "And Gloria mentioned she should probably eat something too"

"Why were you talking to Mendoza?" Alex questioned suspiciously.

"Because smart ass, she wouldn't let me take any fucking ice unless I told her what it was for" Nicky explained. "I wasn't gonna lie about it, I thought she might be able to help, ya know she used to dabble in magic and what naught"

"Fine" Alex rolled her eyes. She carefully opened Piper's mouth and put a few drops of hot sauce on her tongue and waited a few moments. Sure enough Piper's eyes fluttered open and she immediately started coughing. Alex put a hand on her shoulder and helped her sit up.

"Here drink this" Alex handed her a water bottle. She took a drink and handed it back to Alex a moment later.

"Nicky what happ-Alex?" Piper was so confused. Her eyes widened with the realization that Alex was really there. "Alex?"

"Yeah, it's me Pipes" The raven haired woman responded softly, thanking the Lord that she got to hear Piper's voice again.

* * *

 **A/N So I hope that was alright, it isn't what I was intending but, there you go.** **Feel free to leave a review to let me know what you thought. I love hearing from you all.**

 **I probably won't be able to post again before the holidays, so I wish you all safe, warm, happy, and peaceful holidays!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N So I hope yall have been having great holidays. Here is the third chapter, I admit it's a little bit long, but I hope you'll find it enjoyable anyways.**

 **Thank you so much for all fo the follows/favorites, as well as the reviews on the previous chapters, I absolutely love hearing from you all. I'm glad to hear that my characterizations are good.**

 **To guest reviewer _Ty_ , I can't really get rid of Alex because she is one of the main characters, but two chapters from now, we will see less of her. (Take that how you will, but if you stick around, you'll see what I mean) **

**Also, I'm not sure if this was clear or not, but just because Nichols told Alex that Piper had hypothermia, doesn't mean Alex knows what happened. (Just keep that in mind)**

 **Btw, this picks up at the very place the last chapter left off. Please enjoy!**

* * *

"Nicky what happ-Alex?" Piper was so confused. Her eyes widened with the realization that Alex was really there. "Alex?"

"Yeah, it's me Pipes" The raven haired woman responded softly, thanking the Lord that she got to hear Piper's voice again. "Now open up" Alex stuck the thermometer in Piper's mouth. It read a little over 100 degrees, nothing Piper hadn't experienced before.

"Why is my mouth on fire?" Piper waved her hand in front of her face when Alex took the thermometer away. Nicky chuckled and Alex shot her a glare. "That one-" She nodded to Nicky. "Thought it would be a good idea to talk to Mendoza about how you fainted and she suggested this extremely hot hot sauce to wake you up."

Nicky shrugged. "It worked didn't it? You should be thanking me"

"Thanks, Nicky," Piper said before taking a sip of water, trying to rid her mouth of that horrible taste. They lapsed into silence before Piper spoke again.

"Alex you don't have to be here, I'm sure you have better things to do and Nicky's here so-" Piper said, avoiding eye contact with Alex.

"I'm in prison, no, I don't have anywhere I need to be other than here" Alex sighed. "Do you want me to go Piper?" That was the second time she asked her that today, hopefully, this time, Piper wouldn't say no.

Truthfully, Piper always loved it when Alex took care of her when she was sick, and now was no different. She was still trying to recollect her thoughts from before she blacked out, and she wasn't sure if she wanted Alex near her. Piper knew it would only make it harder to let her go, but then again, if she let Alex stay and listened to what she had to say, then maybe that would be what she needed in order to finally let herself move on.

Nicky watched her, constantly shifting her weight between her feet, by the look on Piper's face, she knew what Piper was going to say and there was nothing she could do about it. She wouldn't fight Alex if Piper wanted her to stay.

Piper shook her head, she could, at least, let Alex stay with her just to give Nicky a break. She would just have to keep reminding herself that it was over between them and she had to remember it.

Piper could see Nicky's objection before the other woman could even open her mouth to speak it. "Nicky, it's okay. Go take a nap, or get something to eat, you look exhausted" Piper said quietly. "I'm a big girl, I'll be fine, plus Alex will be here while you take a break, right?"

Alex nodded, eternally grateful that Piper gave her this chance.

"Chapman, you know very well why I can't leave you," Nicky said warningly. Alex was still trying to figure out what was going on, but if Nicky left her with Piper then maybe she could find out.

"Nicky, I swear on _my life_ I won't do anything stupid, and I promise you won't have to come looking for me outside again, I'll be right here" Piper assured her, understanding Nicky's concern.

"Jesus christ" Nicky cursed under her breath. "We both know how much your life means to you Piper and I don't trust your promises for a second, not after last night. I'm not leaving."

"Nicky look at me," Piper said with as much force as she could muster. "What the hell am I gonna do from where I am? Cause I sure don't think I'll be wandering around by myself anytime soon. You have my word, I won't leave, and if I get any ideas, I'll have Alex let you know so you can come save me from myself, yeah?" She joked, but Nicky didn't look amused.

"Fine, I'll go, but I swear to god Chapman if you try anything again I will kill you myself, and Vause don't you dare let her out of your sight. I'll be back to check on you between my shifts in electrical" And leaving it at that, Nicky unhappily stalked away, doing the one thing she said she wasn't going to do, and that was leaving Piper alone with Alex.

Alex just looked up at Piper again, desperately trying to figure out what they meant. "Piper-?"

"What happened Alex, how did I get here, and why are you here?" Piper cut her off before Alex could ask what that was about with Nicky.

"You fainted kid," Alex said, cringing on the inside when she saw Piper grimace at the nickname that usually made her smile. "Sorry-"

"No Alex it's fine," Piper said calmly. It really wasn't and they both knew it, but they pretended it was anyways. "So you were saying?"

"Uh yeah, you and Nichols were talking and you got kinda worked up," Alex said as she used the edge of Piper's bed to stand up. Piper moved over and motioned for her to sit next to her.

Piper remembered what pieces of what happened and it made Alex's care for her all the more awkward. She recalled walking out of the cafeteria after having had enough of Alex's behavior towards her and stopping to wait for Nicky to catch up with her so they could walk to electrical. They had started talking instead and then nothing, that was it, the next thing she knew she was looking into Alex's eyes.

Alex nodded and sat down next to her, leaning against the wall and leaving enough space between them so they weren't touching. "Want to talk about it?" Alex was going to give Piper one chance to explain herself before Alex would bring up what she heard, herself.

"No Alex, I don't. You don't need to know, and you don't want to" Piper said defensively not giving anything away.

Alex nodded, so much for that, now she would have to bring it up, but first she would make sure Piper was okay. "So uh, here's some ice for your head, and I got some Ramen here for you if you're hungry," Alex said hesitantly handing the soup and ice to the blonde.

"Thank you," Piper said softly, accepting the items. Something was off, she could sense it. Something was bothering Alex and it wasn't the fact that they'd had a falling out the day before or even that morning, if it was just that, Alex would have her usual dangerous glint of anger in her eyes, but Piper didn't see that, she saw concern and confusion, like Alex wanted to ask her something but was afraid to. It always worried Piper when Alex was afraid because Alex was the bravest and strongest person she knew, so whatever she was too afraid to ask was probably something Piper wasn't going to like. She had to know. Piper took a bite of her soup before looking up at Alex again.

"Alex," Piper said making the taller woman look at her.

How was she going to talk to Piper without getting her riled up? Alex had seen what happened when Piper was arguing with Nicky, she didn't want her to faint again. "What are you thinking about?" Piper asked carefully.

"Not much, you?" Alex answered shortly. Of course, Alex would play that game with her, Piper thought. Piper was a master at reading Alex and right now Alex was lying and it was starting to piss her off. She let Alex stay with her with the hopes of hearing what she had to say since Piper had brushed her off earlier, but apparently not. "Who knows" Piper shrugged knowing how much Alex hated it when she did that. "Maybe I'd tell you if you told me the truth"

 _Damn_ , Alex cursed internally. "What are you talking about!?"

"Damn it Alex. Don't fucking lie to me. You have two options, either tell me what's bothering you or get the hell out, because I can't handle this right now" Piper said, her voice surprisingly even, that it made Alex nervous. Piper was trying really hard to keep her cool.

Alex paused for a moment and Piper thought she was going to leave, but then she spoke up.

"You and Nichols seem like really good friends," Alex said, it was the first thing she thought of.

"Jesus, Alex, not this again, you can't be serious!" Piper would have laughed if she hadn't started coughing. When she steadied herself again she continued. "You don't have the right to be jealous of my friends anymore"

"I'm not jealous of Nicky, don't be stupid" Alex huffed.

"Whatever" Piper shrugged, then she allowed herself to study Alex's face. She looked lost, and Piper knew that wasn't really what was bothering her, or at least not all of it. "You heard us" it wasn't a question.

"What?" Alex was momentarily perplexed.

"Nichols and I, you heard us arguing," Piper elaborated.

Alex could only nod, there wasn't much else to say, but she needed to know. Alex needed to know if what she heard was true. "Piper-" Alex tried to reach for Piper's hand, but she recoiled.

"I said I didn't want to talk about it before," Piper said quietly.

"Well, you wanted to know what was bothering me so there you go," She replied. Piper asked and she was going to tell her. "I heard you arguing and I want to know what it was about. Why was Nicky so upset and why doesn't she want you to be alone?" Alex finally explained lazily standing up before aimlessly pacing back and forth. Piper tried to follow her with her eyes, but she quickly got dizzy

"Alex-" Piper tried to interrupt her to ask her to stop, but she didn't pay her any attention.

"What did she mean she saved your life? Why were you outside yesterday? Because I know you weren't looking for her in electrical, and there's no way you got lost" Alex said still pacing. Piper looked up at her.

"Alex-" Piper really needed Alex to sit down or, at least, stop pacing, it was making her nervous, not to mention it was distracting her from even thinking of responses to any of her questions.

"I mean I don't understand and I don't believe Nicky's explanation. It doesn't make any sense" Alex said ignoring Piper's pleading voice.

"Alex!-" Piper raised her voice and ended up coughing and fumbling for her water bottle. Now noticing her again, Alex stopped to help her, but she started pacing again almost immediately.

"Alex!" More coughing. "Stop!" Piper said as loud as she could finally getting the taller woman's attention. "Stop pacing, and give me a chance to answer you, Jesus. You're making me dizzy and really fucking nervous. Will you just sit down!"

"Sorry-" Was all Alex said, but she made no move to sit down again. She had forgotten that pacing was one thing Piper really hated. How could she have forgotten that? "So - you were going to answer?" She prompted.

Piper nodded and set her water down again. "It was snowing really hard out and it was dark, I couldn't find my way back" Piper folded her arms across her chest. "Why do you care?" Alex just looked at her like she was crazy, but Piper shrugged it off choosing not to read into it. "You know I don't do well in the cold, and I could hardly see, so yes. Contrary to what you might think, I ended up wandering away from the building instead of towards it." Good thing Alex was so keen on asking a lot of questions before Piper answered or she wouldn't have been able to confirm the lies Alex had apparently heard.

Alex still didn't believe her though and she instead of pacing she subconsciously shifted her weight between her feet. "So how did she know you were outside? How did she just happen to find you? Why are you alive right now?" She rattled off all of those questions hoping Piper would answer any one of them.

"Believe me, I wish I wasn't" Piper muttered softly under her breath.

Alex just looked at her not having heard her completely. "What?"

"Nothing," Piper answered quickly. "I just don't know how she knew where I was, I'll have to ask her the next time I see her" Piper actually hadn't asked how Nicky had found her, but she was still wishing that the shorter woman wouldn't have. Piper missed the sting of the cold on her skin because right now she didn't feel very much and she hated it. At least sitting outside she felt better, more at peace, and even her emotional pain was numbed by the cold and the silence. That was how she wanted to go, feeling completely at peace with herself, numbed of any pain she carried, and yet still being able to feel the delicate flakes of snow land on her warm flesh. Only thinking about this now did she feel trapped, isolated, alone, and senseless.

Alex was oblivious to Piper's internal struggle though and she couldn't help herself and continued pacing. "So you don't know how she found you, and you claim to be outside because you were trying to find her" Alex stated and Piper didn't answer, she wasn't even paying attention she was so lost in her thoughts. "Why did Nicky make it sound like something else? Why did she think they would send you to psych for having hypothermia? I accepted it so she would shut up, but that's not the truth. Why was she afraid you would get sent to psych?" Alex was getting closer to the truth, she could feel it, and Piper still hadn't answered her.

"Piper, you still with me?" Alex sat down, closer to the blonde this time, and waved her hand in front of her face. Nothing. Piper was too deep in her thoughts to even move. "Pipes, come on, come back to me" Alex dared to cup her face in her hands, forcing her to look her in the eyes. "Piper-"

Her eyes focused and she snapped out of her thoughts, jerking away from Alex.

"Calm down, you're alright," Alex said softly scooting over to give Piper some space.

"Sorry, I was thinking a little too deeply I guess" Piper shrugged.

"Dangerous thing, thinking" Alex joked and Piper smiled weakly.

"What were you saying?" Piper asked knowing she probably missed some of Alex's rambling questions.

Alex sighed. "I asked why Nichols thought they would send you to psych for having hypothermia"

 _Shit_ \- she was close to figuring it out, Piper thought. "That's odd, I agree. I don't know"

Alex raised an eyebrow at her knowingly, because as good as Piper was at reading her, she was better at reading the blonde and she could easily see her question made her anxious and Piper knew exactly what the answer was.

"You don't, do you? Are you sure?" Alex asked again knowing it would only make Piper more nervous.

"Can we talk about this after I get back from the bathroom?" Piper asked as she tried to push herself up off the bed, suddenly feeling claustrophobic in the cube so close to Alex. She leaned heavily on the metal cabinet accidentally knocking some papers onto the floor, but she just left them. Alex was up in a second trying to help her stand up but before she could, Piper's voice stopped her. "Don't touch me" Alex froze but respected Piper's wishes of independence. "Don't follow me, I'll be right back. I'm just going to the bathroom so you don't have to come"

Alex moved to follow her anyways, but Piper shook her head slowly. "No, don't. I swear if you follow me to the bathroom don't even bother coming back with me afterward. I'll be right back. If I'm longer than five minutes you can come find me" Alex couldn't argue with that so she started pacing again as Piper shuffled away. She looked at the clock and was going to wait exactly four minutes before she would go after Piper.

She stopped when she stepped on the papers on the floor. Bending down to pick them up she flipped through them, it looked like a letter to someone. She didn't want to go through Piper's stuff but it was on the floor and she was only putting it back where it came from, after reading it of course. For a second she thought it was to Larry, and she had to know if Piper was still writing to her ex-fiancée or if she was just paranoid about it.

Upon closer inspection it had dried tears drops on it. What the fuck is this, Alex thought cautiously. She flipped to the last page and read

 _Sincerely, (signed) Piper Elizabeth Chapman, loving daughter, sister, acquaintance, friend, and lover._

It was definitely Piper's signature, but she thought it extremely odd to close a letter like that. She turned back to the front to see who it was to and read: _Dear world, I'm going to leave now and I just wanted to say my final goodbyes, because I will miss so many of the people here, even if they will never miss me._

She read that one statement a few times trying to understand it. She was telling herself it wasn't what it sounded like. No, Piper wouldn't do that, she thought, not because of her. That thought reminded her of what she overheard Nichols say earlier: _"Not for Alex. Not for anyone!_ So this is what they were arguing about Alex realized and it made her all the more curious to read it. Alex skimmed over the rest of the front and back of the first page noting the headings: _First of all to my parents, Cal, Polly, Larry, To whomever it may concern inside Litchfield Federal Prison: Red, Morello, and Friends, Nicky Nichols._ She stopped when she got to the top of the second page. _My dearest Alex Vause_ was written as the header for the only section on that page, which was longer than any of the other ones before it. She stifled a sob, she didn't even realize she was crying.

She sat back down on the bed and started reading the portion addressed to her.

 _My dearest Alex Vause: I hope this letter makes it to you, especially since I wrote the most for you._

 _First of all, I want you to understand that I did this for you, as it was my choice, and I didn't do it because of you, so it wasn't your fault._

What did Piper get herself into? How could she do this? Alex didn't know she ever had this kind of influence over Piper and it scared her, but she read on.

 _Secondly, I know you won't be able to read this whole thing without breaking down because I know you're a total softie at heart. I know you're probably reading like "What the Fuck is this stupid bitch going on about. The only words to describe me are, tall, sexy, and badass" I know that, but I'd like to think I knew the true you, totally soft and cuddly. If I wasn't dead already I'm sure you'd kill me for saying that, too bad I am right?_

She cried harder at Piper's imitation of her than she should have and she tried to wipe the tears out of her eyes, but it was no use. Why did Piper have to joke around, this was serious, what if she had actually died? It wouldn't be funny then, would it?! Not that it was anyways, it was awful that Piper still managed to joke with her. She had to put it down for a second before she could continue. She had to wipe the tears out of her eyes and breathe because this wasn't anything like what she imagined when she first thought of a secret letter to Larry. No, this was much worse. She calmed herself enough to keep reading.

 _I thought you should know that I absolve you of your title "Ruiner of Piper Chapman's Life" because I did that myself, with only marginal help from you, which I forgive you for. Actually, come to think of it, I think I forgave you a long time ago for everything that happened._

"Shit" She mumbled to herself. How could Piper possibly forgive her for everything. She didn't deserve that, as much as she wanted it, Piper should never forgive her for pushing her to this point. She didn't even want her forgiveness, not this time. Everything she had held onto against Piper all, this time, seemed like nothing compared to the damage Alex seemed to have done to the blonde in return. There was a time when she may have wished harm to Piper for breaking her heart all those years ago, but not something like this.

She read further. _Also, I know that I am anything but deserving of your love, trust, or even your forgiveness, but I wanted to apologize this one last time for all of the pain and heartache I put you through. I should never have abandoned you ten years ago. I should have held on to you and never let you go, but you don't need to worry about me anymore, I won't cause you any more problems._

She scoffed, even though the tears kept falling. That's all Piper is, and always has been for her, one big, adorable, blonde problem. From the moment Alex had first seen her, she had fallen and she'd never been able to get back up again. Even, and especially, now, Alex worried about her to no end, and yet, she didn't notice that Piper had still not come back after ten minutes. But she was paying no more attention to the clock as she continued reading instead.

 _I hope you realize that my death allowed me to keep the promise I made you earlier today; you will never have to hear me speak, or see me occupy the same room as you, and I will never ever be able to crawl back to you with my needs, my problems, my love, or even my laundry on the days when I could have had mine washed anyways, you needn't worry because I won't come crawling back to you at all._

"Fuck, that's not what I wanted!" Alex cursed. She knew she had been harsh with Piper that day, but she was frustrated that she had to be Piper's dirty secret from her fiancée. She had wanted Piper to take her seriously, but not this seriously. She wanted Piper to come back to her. She wanted Piper to fight for her. She wanted Piper to be able to come to her with her problems, her love, and even her laundry especially if it wasn't her day. She wanted all of Piper, and that's partially why all of this had started. Having to share Piper's love was something she didn't want, but now she didn't know if Piper still felt that way.

Time ticked by, the ten minutes had turned into fifteen and the blonde still hadn't returned, but Alex still hadn't noticed, too focused on the next part of Piper's note.

 _Lastly, I did say I wouldn't come back to you with my love, I am afraid I have to revise that. I have always and will always love you, Alex Vause, whether I'm there to show it or not, my love for you will always exist._

"For Christ sake Piper!" She exclaimed to the still empty cube. Why did Piper have to write that? It gave her hope that Piper still loved her, but after this, she didn't know if Piper would ever show it again, or ever trust her again for that matter. She hated when Piper used her full name, even if she wrote it, it sounded wrong coming from someone she was so familiar with. As she looked at Piper's final statement to her, she almost lost it.

 _I heart you, always. -Pipes_

She felt the hot tears stream down her face. She didn't even try to stop herself anymore.

Alex crushed the papers in her hands and threw them roughly to the floor, why would Piper hide this?! She knew very well why Piper would, but that didn't make it any easier for Alex to deal with. She sat there for a long while trying to understand it until she finally gave up.

She needed to talk to her about this. Where was she? Alex dried her eyes, and stood, catching a glimpse of the clock that displayed a time of almost forty minutes after the blonde had left.

"Shit" was all she said before she sped walked right out of there and towards the nearest bathroom. There was no way Piper was there still, but she had to make sure she didn't pass out. Her heart was racing from what she had just read, from the fact that Piper was still alive, and that she still could have a slim chance with Piper if this slip-up didn't ruin it. She prayed she found Piper before Nicky came back to check on her.

Alex wasn't watching where she was going until she managed to run into someone as she rounded a corner.

"Vause, you should really watch where you're going" It was the short Italian woman, Lorna.

"Sorry," Alex said off-handedly.

The shorter woman straightened out her clothes before really taking a closer look at Alex. She noticed right away how red Alex's eyes were and by the tone of her voice, she assumed Alex had been crying.

"You alright?" Lorna asked.

"No- I mean yes, well no, I just really need to find Piper, have you seen her?" She stammered, which was really unlike her. Usually, she had a much stronger resolve, but that never lasted when it came to Piper.

"Sure sure I have" Lorna answered. "But I'm not sure she wants you to find her"

Enough of this, Alex needed to know where she was, and although she wasn't generally violent this was an exception. She took Lorna by the shoulders and held her firmly against the wall. "Where is she?! She isn't supposed to be alone! I need to find her!"

"Okay okay, I think I saw her a few minutes ago sitting with the nun in the rec room, please don't hurt me" She pleaded, but Alex lets go of her instantly and left as fast as she could to find Piper.

She came to the rec room only to be confronted by Red.

"What are you up to Vause?!" The Russian asked eyeing her suspiciously.

It seemed like everyone was trying to get in her way of finding Piper.

"I'm trying to find Chapman," Alex said looking over Red's shoulder into the room, but Piper wasn't there.

"Oh, I see, well, I just spoke to her, she was sitting on the counter in the bathroom looking rather sick and tired of waiting for you" Red explained. "Check there but she isn't too happy with you, if anything, whatever you did now, you made it a lot worse for yourself, good luck" She continued in her thick accent before stepping away.

"Wait-" Alex called making the red head turn around. "I know. I know what happened"

Red just looked at her. "Then you need to do something about it instead of standing here" with that Red walked away.

Alex was just about to head back to the bathrooms but C.O. Bell called for her making her stop. "Vause, you have a visitor!"

She rolled her eyes, of course now would be the time for her to get a visitor. "Who is it?"

"Mr. Uh-Larry Bloom, now get a move on" The C.O. commanded.

She had no choice but to abandon her search for Piper, hopefully, she could get rid of this guy quickly.

She walked into the visitation room and saw the guy Piper almost left her for. It made her sick and angry to even be in this guy's presence, but she put on a brave face as she approached him.

"You must be Alex, you're tall," He said observing her closely.

"So I've been told," She replied coolly as she took her seat across from him. "What do you want? Why are you here? And why aren't you visiting Piper?"

"She won't see me, and I wanted to meet you anyways," He said trying to keep his composure.

"You wanted to meet your replacement, well sorry to disappoint, but even though she left you, she didn't come running back to me," Alex said with an air of nonchalance.

"How could she not? You seduced her. You've been working her since you got her put in here" Larry accused, but she just rolled her eyes and leaned forward.

"Me? No no, is that what she told you? She kissed me. She fucked me in that chapel. Not the other way around. It was all her" Alex stated, and even if it wasn't completely true, it made sense.

"I don't believe you. Stay away from her" Larry demanded even though he had no right to say so what so ever.

Alex pretended to think for a second. "Hmm, no I don't think I will. We're in prison together, so it's kind of hard" She said smirking at him. "She apparently has poor taste in her lovers, and you have no right to even try to keep me away from her, in case you forgot, she broke up with you, you aren't her fiancée and she doesn't love you" She threw all that at him and revelled in how he flinched at her words because they were all true. He looked like a kicked puppy, but Alex didn't care and she loved it. "I can see why you don't cut it, but if you'll excuse me, I'm going to show her love like you never could," She said standing and leaving him gaping at her as she walked away.

She had no intentions of fucking around with Piper until they could talk, but seeing the jealousy on that poor sap's face was worth every word. She couldn't wrap her head around why Piper even considered leaving her for him, he's a total moron. He is nothing like what Piper deserves and right now she's grateful that Piper left him.

She had to find Piper though and she was sure she probably wasn't in the bathroom anymore.

She wandered around for a while, but as she was passing the bathrooms she heard some voices, it sounded like Piper and someone else that she couldn't quite place. She rushed in only to slam into something or rather someone accidentally knocking them to the floor.

The other person just looked up at her, wide-eyed, from the floor.

It was Piper and Alex was relieved, even after she saw a look of anger grace the blonde's features. Whoever she had been talking to left immediately, but neither of them seemed to notice.

"Piper!" was all Alex could say before she practically lifted Piper off the floor. She couldn't make herself let go of her even after the blonde found her feet again. She kept her arms tightly wrapped around Piper, wishing she would never have to let go again, but Piper had other ideas. The smaller woman pushed her away and glared at her.

"Where were you?! I have been sitting here talking to the occasional passerby waiting for you!" Piper said angrily. She could have gone anywhere on the entire campus in the time it took Alex to come look for her. If Alex really cared, she wouldn't have left her alone for so long, actually, she wouldn't have let her go alone at all. "That was a test Alex, and you failed. Nicky told you not to leave me alone! What if I did something stupid, or heaven forbid what would have happened if I fainted again and you weren't here with me!"

"I was told you were in the rec room and then I got a visitor, and I couldn't find you! I'm so sorry" Alex couldn't come up with anything else as she watched Piper look at her like that.

"It's-" Piper was going to lie and say it was okay, but she was surprised when Alex hugged her again, this time, more tightly. Piper wondered who visited Alex, but Alex hugging her completely distracted her, thankfully for Alex.

"I'm so sorry Piper. I didn't mean to. Please forgive me. You don't know how sorry I am" Alex wasn't able to stop herself. "I love you, I'm so sorry"

"Why? Why are you sorry? And why are you hugging me?" Piper was flustered, she didn't understand where this was coming from and she didn't know why Alex seemed to be crying too now. Most of what Alex was repeating wasn't registering with her brain at all. It had been like an hour and a half, it wasn't that big of a deal, she wondered what Alex was doing that entire time, but nothing she could think of could have caused her to break down like this.

"I'm just so happy to see you and I'm so so sorry. Piper, I love you, please forgive me" Alex repeated, although her voice was distorted by her sobs.

"What are you talking about?!" Piper grabbed Alex by the shoulders and pushed her away from her. "Calm down so you can talk to me, what happened?" Piper was mildly concerned, mostly for Alex, but also for what led Alex to break down like this.

Alex took a breath, maybe she should just keep what she had discovered earlier to herself for now. "Nothing, I was just scared you hurt yourself, but you're okay and I'm so relieved" It wasn't a totally lie at least. "Come on, you should lay down" Alex dried her eyes again and tried to act normal. Thankfully for Alex, Piper didn't resist when she wrapped an arm around her shoulder as they walked back towards Piper's cube.

As Piper sat down on the bed, she noticed the scrunched up papers on the floor and immediately picked them up. Alex saw and tried to act neutral. "What's that?" She asked not trying to sound overly concerned.

Piper shoved the papers into her pocket. "Nothing. It's nothing, hey actually I feel like a walk, and I never told Luschek I wasn't going to work because I was _sick_ , are you going to accompany me this time or will you just hope I'm okay by myself?" Piper asked, hopeful that Alex would go with her no questions asked. She would rather go alone, but she knew it was no use trying to get Alex to stay there, especially after seeing her reaction only a few moments before. "I don't want you to freak out or anything this time because worry and tears are really unbefitting of your badass persona" Piper smiled softly and Alex returned it, although weakly, recalling how easily Piper had made that joke before in her letter.

"Yeah, of course, I'll go with you. I'm not leaving you ever again" Alex said, and she meant more than just not leaving Piper then, but ever again.

Piper turned back to her then. "Don't say things you don't mean, lying is one more thing that doesn't suit you very well" Piper got up and walked slowly down the hallway stopping at one point to wait for Alex to follow her.

"I do mean it, Piper, I won't leave you ever again, I promise," She said when she caught up to the blonde.

Piper chuckled, but it made Alex cringe. "If you think about it, you never have left me. It was me who walked away from you in Paris, and me who almost walked away when you got stuck in that dryer, and me who walked away when I was taken to the SHU, and me when I almost walked away from you for Larry, and me who walked away from you this morning. I do a lot of walking away from you, but somehow I always end up right where I started so I can walk away all over again." Piper said sadly as they continued walking.

"Yeah, Paris, but I understand and I forgive you, and you were taken to the SHU it wasn't your choice, and you didn't leave me in that dryer, and you didn't go back to Larry. And yeah you did walk away from me twice today, but here we are" Alex answered trying to ease the guilt she could hear in Piper's tone. "Maybe you should walk towards me instead of always walking away"

Piper stopped to look at her, the ghost of a smile on her lips. "Maybe I should" She really didn't know if that would be such a good idea after everything that had happened, but she couldn't deny how relieved she was to hear Alex say she understood her for Paris and that she was forgiven. Maybe their relationship could be saved.

"So, why are we walking all the way over to Nichols? I could have just taken a message for her, or you could have waited for her break" Alex said changing the subject as they turned down a different hallway, at the end of which, they approached the door to the outside.

"No. I have to talk to her myself, besides you can't leave me alone to take her a message, and I have to deal with this now" Piper said as she pushed open the door and shuffled as fast as she could through the snow over to electrical with Alex close behind her.

Nicky noticed them as soon as they stepped inside the smaller building. _Of course_. She couldn't trust Alex to do anything anymore, she thought bitterly.

"Vause why is Chapman not resting? And Chapman why are you out here?!" Nicky snapped a little too loudly, getting the attention of C.O. Luschek.

"Ladies, what is going on over here, and Chapman why weren't you on time for work?" He asked bruskly.

"I-uh I'm sick, I came to tell you and to ask Nichols if she could take over for me," Piper said as innocently as possible.

"Sure okay Chapman. Rest up, I expect you to be at work as soon as possible, the snow isn't good for these old buildings" He said. "You-" He had to squint to read her name tag. "Vause, make sure she gets back inside okay"

"Sure," Alex said absent-mindedly.

"Can I have a few words with Nichols before I go?" Piper asked just as Luschek turned to walk away.

"Yeah sure" He threw over his shoulder.

The three of them stepped outside, but Piper made sure that she and Nicky were a few steps away from Alex.

"Chapman you better have a damn good reason for being out here, it's fucking cold out, you're never gonna get better if you keep coming outside!" Nicky said angrily, but Piper knew she was just concerned. She pulled out the crumpled papers that she had shoved in her pocket and handed them to Nicky.

"What the fuck is- oh" Nicky started until she realized what it was she was holding.

"I need you to get rid of it, burn it or shred it, I honestly don't care how" Piper said in a hushed voice. Nicky shoved the papers in her own pocket quickly.

"Did she-?" Nicky asked glancing at Alex over Piper's shoulder.

"Almost, that's why I needed your help," Piper said quietly. "She can't know Nicky, she can't" Piper hadn't even realized the tears in her eyes, but Nicky did.

"Come here" Nicky wrapped her arms around Piper who couldn't help but cry into her shoulder. "It's okay, you're fine now. I'll take care of it, just go back inside with Alex, she'll take care of you, yeah?" Nicky said a little louder getting Alex's attention. She had been listening the entire time, and everything they said made things less confusing to her, except their friendship. When she looked up and saw a crying Piper hugging Nicky, she wouldn't even deny that she was jealous. It was infuriating. She should be the one comforting Piper. Not Nicky.

Nicky noticed immediately the dangerous look Alex was giving her, but she honestly didn't care that much.

"Piper, come on you can let go of me now. Go hug someone who actually likes hugs." Nicky grinned when she heard Piper laugh softly at her comment and let go of her.

Piper stepped away from her and nodded in thanks before she started walking away. "Keep an eye on her Vause" Nicky shouted towards Alex but Alex walked up to her.

"What?" Nicky eyed the taller woman suspiciously and was caught completely off guard when Alex hugged her tightly.

"Thank you for saving her" Alex whispered in her ear. Nicky just looked up at her.

"You know?!" Nicky asked in a hushed voice. Alex gave a slight nod and let go of her. "Shit"

"Come find me later, we have a _ton_ to talk about Nichols!" Alex said as she turned to walk away.

"Damn right we do Vause!" Nicky shouted back.

"Thanks again Nichols!" Alex tossed over her shoulder before she jogged to catch up to Piper, who had stopped and curiously watched the exchange between her and Nicky.

"Come on, you're shivering," Alex said observing Piper closely. "Let's get you back inside" She draped her arm around Piper's shoulders and directed them inside the main building again.

They walked in silence all the way back to Piper's bunk where Alex finally let her go and helped her lay down. She pulled the blankets over her and sat on the edge of the bed looking down at her. Piper was looking at her uncertainly and Alex longed to know what was going on in her head. There were so many things she wanted to ask her, but she didn't want to make Piper more upset with her. Piper clearly didn't want her to know what happened so maybe if she pretended she didn't know, things could get better between them. She just didn't know if she could pretend forever.

"What was that about with Nicky?" Piper asked, suddenly breaking Alex out of her thoughts.

"Oh, she tried to knock some sense into me so I would get my shit together" Alex answered, smiling softly. She put a hand to Piper's forehead, and instinctively the blonde leaned into her touch. Alex pretended not to notice how nice that was. "You're not as hot as before, that's good"

"Don't insult my beauty" Piper jabbed playfully and it took a second for Alex to catch on.

"I was always the hot one, but trust me, you're just as beautiful as the day I met you," Alex said seriously brushing a lock of hair behind Piper's ear. Piper shivered at the familiarity of it. It felt good for Alex to be so close to her, but something was still off between them.

"You're shivering, I'll be right back" Alex stood to leave but froze when she felt Piper grab her arm.

"Where are you going?" Alex looked from where Piper had a hold on her up to Piper's face. She could see a fear in her eyes like Alex would disappear if she even blinked.

"To get you another blanket, I'll be right back," Alex said, holding Piper's gaze intently.

"I don't need another blanket," Piper said flatly, but she seemed nervous. She knew what she wanted, but she didn't know if it was too much to ask of Alex after everything. She was afraid of Alex's answer and she didn't want to sound like a needy child who couldn't get over their crush, but she wanted to be held. She wanted to feel the warmth of someone else, just near her. She didn't know if she would have even thought to ask Nicky had she been there, they were really good friends and she probably wouldn't have minded, but then again that could make things weird between them. At least, with Alex, she knew it was familiar and only this one time.

"Are you sure? Is there anything else I can get to make you feel better?" Alex asked, seeing the conflicted expression on Piper's face.

"No - nothing, just stay" Piper mumbled quietly.

"Piper you have to know you can ask me for anything, whatever you want, and I'll try to get it for you. Anything" Alex said as she sat down again taking Piper's hand in hers.

Piper couldn't help but cherish the contact how small it was. She looked up to meet Alex's soft, calming gaze.

"Um - actually I am kinda cold" Piper stammered. "But I-I don't want a blanket- will you uh-" She couldn't finish.

"Only if you ask me to," Alex said softly. She needed to hear Piper ask her, she needed to know exactly what she wanted. She couldn't afford any misunderstandings.

"will you lay with me?" Piper asked nervously, but the soft loving smile never left Alex's lips.

"Of course" She responded. Piper moved over to make space for Alex beside her.

She laid down and wrapped an arm protectively around Piper's waist, pulling her closer. She heard Piper sigh contentedly and she couldn't help but smirk at that. "Warmer yet?" Alex asked lowly next to Piper's ear.

"Much, thank you" Piper whispered, as she subconsciously snuggled closer to the taller woman.

After a few minutes, she felt Piper's breathing even out. The blonde had fallen asleep, but she was still awake.

While she was grateful for this and she selfishly never wanted it to end, she had so many thoughts racing through her mind.

Like, why didn't Piper want her to find out, and why were they pretending everything was okay between them? How did they get to this point and what was going on in Piper's head?

Eventually, she let herself fall asleep, only to be woken up forty minutes later by a very pissed-off looking Nicky.

"Vause!" Nicky shouted kicking the bed.

"Quiet down Nichols or I'll give you a shot!" C.O. Maxwell commanded from the other end of the hall.

Alex shot up momentarily forgetting she had her arms wrapped around Piper's midsection. She tried to untangle her arms without waking Piper, but Piper only moved close to her.

"Al-don't go" Piper murmured, and Alex's heart melted, but she could see Nicky still standing there waiting for her to get up.

Carefully, she tried not to wake Piper anymore as she managed to free herself from the blonde's grip.

"Vause you better have a damned good explanation for why I found you in her bed again!" Nicky asked harshly.

"Let's take this somewhere else, you're going to wake her up!" Alex countered trying to only think of Piper's well-being for the moment.

"But she shouldn't be alone still since you know everything, you should, at least, agree with that!" Nicky objected angrily, and there was nothing Alex could do to convince her otherwise.

"Can we, at least, go to my cube or something so we're not arguing right next to her?!" That was all Alex could do to not be in the same place as Piper. She was pissed that Nicky had ruined her possibly last moment with the blonde, but she understood they needed to talk.

"Fine" Nicky grumbled and they walked across the way, still with a view of Piper's cube.

Alex sat on her bed, but Nicky stood.

"Well?" Alex prompted, waiting for what was to come. With no warning Nicky slapped her right across the face, sending her glasses straight to the floor.

"Ouch," Alex said, but she put up no resistance which only allowed Nicky to slap her again, turning her cheek a bright shade of red.

"The first was for breaking her heart, you fucking bitch, the second was because she almost _died_ / for you!" Nicky hissed menacingly, but Alex took it, she deserved it and she knew that.

"Nic-" Alex started but before she could finish even one word Nicky slapped her again.

"That was for me, I can't believe you sometimes! I thought we were friends!" Nicky glared at her. "Listen closely, _never_ , and I mean _never_ accuse me of fucking Piper, _ever_ / again unless I admit it first" Nicky growled. "Jesus, I never thought you were the jealous type until a few days ago, but damn!"

"I won't and I'm not, Nichols, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking and Piper wouldn't talk to me," Alex said even though it was a shitty excuse and she knew it.

"So what? You decided to get back in bed with her because she wouldn't talk to you and you found out she tried to kill herself?!" Nicky was furious, but she had enough control over her voice to hush the last part.

"No, she asked me to lay down with her! And that's all it was, I swear I only held her until she fell asleep!" Alex defended, but that didn't excuse her from anything, she knew Nicky was right.

"Right, so how'd you figure out anyways?" Nicky said leaning back against the wall changing the subject.

"The note-I read it" Alex shrugged remembering the loving words Piper had so thoughtfully written for her that also doubled as knives to her heart as she read each one.

"You fucking read it? She told me you didn't! Shit!" Nicky covered her face in her hands. "You have to fix this Vause"

"Things are getting better, if she doesn't want me to know, then I don't, she doesn't need to know that I know" Alex stated. It was her best plan and her best hope. "I can fix this"

"Wait wait wait- hold on a second- you're just gonna pretend that she didn't try to kill herself because of you, and you can live with that? Knowing that, you almost killed her!" Nicky was laughing humorlessly at her now and Alex knew that Nicky was right, again. She wouldn't be able to live with that forever, being reminded of it every time she even thought of Piper.

"No Alex, you aren't going to lie to her, not after everything, I won't let you." Nicky said pushing herself away from the wall and moving to stand right in front of Alex. "Either you are going to tell her you know and you are going to beg for her forgiveness, or-" Nicky leaned down to be eye level with her. "I am going to tell her and I'll see to it that she never trusts you again!" Nicky sneered, but Alex didn't even flinch.

"Nicky I can't. Not right now she's trying to get better" Alex argued, coming up with any excuse to get out of Nicky's ultimatum.

"That's exactly why she needs to know now, so either A, she can decide to forgive you and give you another chance as you help her recover, or B, so she can be angry with you and get over you while I help her recover" Nicky stated matter of factly. "Once she gets better she doesn't want to be dragged back into this shitstorm. It all needs to be over and done with now"

"But-I don't even know how to say that to her, I can't just go up to her and say 'oh hey, yeah, I read your suicide note, by the way, and pretended I didn't, I know it was my fault, sorry, good thing you aren't dead, please forgive me'" Alex shook her head and stood up.

"Where are you going, this isn't over!" Nicky said before Alex could walk away.

"Yes it is, and I'm going check on her, alright?" Alex said as she continued walking away.

"Tell her now Alex," Nicky said following the raven-haired woman.

Alex still didn't want to, she didn't know if she could. She sat on the edge of Piper's bed and gently caressed the blonde's face. Piper stirred and as if she recognized it was Alex. She smiled and hummed at her touch.

She finally opened her eyes and found herself looking into Alex's eyes once again. "Hey," She said shifting so she was sitting up. She noticed Nicky standing there as well. "Hey Nic"

"Hey Chapman," Nicky said showing her best smile she could muster at the moment which wasn't too convincing.

Piper saw right through it, though. She had noticed that Alex and Nicky weren't arguing and that was odd, but Nicky's half smile half grimace had her convinced that something was wrong. She looked back to Alex who was still watching her with a loving smile on her lips, but even that wasn't doing anything to ease Piper's concern for their odd behavior.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

Alex shook her head and brushed her thumb over Piper's cheek. "Nothing, nothing at all"

Nicky cleared her throat from where she stood against the wall. "Don't you have something to tell her, Vause?" She prompted.

Piper looked between the two and finally settled her eyes on Alex who had retracted her hand and leaned back slightly.

"What is it?" Piper questioned, seeing the conflict in Alex's eyes.

"I need to tell you something," She said quietly, getting a nod from Nicky.

"Okay?" Piper didn't know what she should be expecting, but it seemed like whatever it was, was going to be bad.

"I uh- I need you to know how sorry I am for not answering you right away. I didn't know you would react like this, I'm so sorry." She said. She couldn't bring herself to tell her. She heard Nicky behind her grumbling before stomping away, no doubt Alex would hear about it later.

"Why-" Piper started but Alex cut her off.

"I was confused, and I didn't mean any of it. You gave up your 'normal' life for a chance to be with me. You took a risk and I didn't respect that. I was still caught up in the past and everything that happened." She explained. "I should never have asked you to do that run for me in Paris ten years ago, and I should have gone after you when you left" Alex had tears in her eyes and Piper was shaking her head in disagreement.

"No Alex stop. What happened ten years ago, you said it yourself, I knew what I was getting into when I went with you, I should have done it for you and I should have been there for you when your mom-. I didn't know what I had until I left, and there was nothing you could have done to have made me realize that. Me leaving that day is something you should never forgive me for." Piper said.

"But I do forgive you, I understand, and you don't deserve to be in here with me Piper," Alex said adamantly.

Piper took Alex's hands in hers. "Yes, I do. Here in prison with you is exactly where I'm supposed to be" Piper smiled softly.

" I love you Pipes, and I need to know if you can forgive me" Alex pleaded, running her thumb soothingly over Piper's knuckles.

"I heart you too" Piper responded softly. "And I think I can forgive you"

"Come here" Alex held her arms out and pulled Piper into an embrace. It felt so good to have her in her arms again.

Piper looked over Alex's shoulders and could see Nicky shaking her head disapprovingly.

Alex pulled away. "Do you need anything?"

"Do you think you could pick up my clothes from the laundry room, and find a new book for me?" Piper asked just so Alex would give her a moment alone with Nicky.

Alex smiled. "Of course, I'll head to over there right now and I'll stop at the library too, I'll be right back" Alex stood and walked away.

Nicky stepped into the cube again as Piper stood to stretch her sore limbs. Taking a sip of water, she turned to face Nicky curiously.

"What's up Nicky?" Piper asked with a smile, the happiness from her make-up with Alex showing in her tone.

Nicky took a deep breath, this wasn't going to be easy. "Piper- there's something you need to know"

* * *

 **A/N I think we can all guess what Nicky is gonna say, how will Piper take it though given her emotional state? You'll just have to stay tuned to find out!**

 **Let me know what you think, and hopefully, I'll have the next update in a few days!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N So here is the next chapter. It didn't go the way I wanted it to, or how I originally intended, but who honestly cares, right? btw, sorry for the poor editing job, I wanted to get this done fairly fast.**

 **For any of you who disliked Nicky's character before, you will probably hate her guts after reading this. I know, if I was reading this instead of writing this, my computer would probably be broken because this chapter just makes me so mad and upset, but there was nothing I could do.**

 **For those of you who disliked Alex previously, I can say that maybe this will be good for you guys, I don't know.**

 **Thank you for all fav/follows, and especially to all you reviewer, you make my day. Also, special thank you to _Reven207_ for their amazing ideas and support. **

_**Warning: very OOC for Alex, Piper, Nicky, and Doggett.**_

 **I hope you all can enjoy this, but I am prepared for any and all hate that may be a result of this chapter.**

* * *

The water bottle slipped from her fingers when she heard Nicky speak again. The remains of the cool liquid spilled across the floor of the small cube, but neither of them moved to clean it up. Neither of them were going to look away until the other spoke. "Wha-what do you mean, she knows?" Piper asked blankly, not believing what her friend had just told her, and what subconsciously she knew to be true. It had been obvious that Alex knew something she wasn't telling her, but Piper didn't want to acknowledge it, so she never did.

Nicky stepped forward and shook Piper lightly by the shoulders. "She knows you tried to kill yourself!" Nicky expected a reaction, anything. Yelling, crying, something, but this blank stare she was getting was starting to unnerve her. "Piper she knows what happened, Alex read the note you left" Nicky continued, but upon mentioning Alex's name, a fire lit in Piper's eyes. Not of passion or love, but of fury and the feeling of betrayal.

"Get out," Piper said quietly, at first, trying to control herself because she knew if she let any of her emotions through, she would snap completely and there would be nothing she could do about it.

"What? Wait why? I just told you that your, whatever Alex is to you now, lied to you in the worst way, and she knows what you did, and you're telling me, your best friend, to leave you alone?!" Nicky was confused, she thought she just did Piper a favor. It would have been so easy not to tell her, but she did. She thought she was doing what any friend would do. She liked Piper a lot, and she didn't want to see her hurt by Alex again, so by forcing her to face this pain now, she would be stronger.

"No, I'm not telling my best friend to leave me alone, Nichols, I'm telling you." Nicky didn't want to believe what she was hearing. Piper probably knew her the best despite the short amount of time Piper had been in prison. They understood each other, they came from similar backgrounds, and they had a similar sense of humor. Of course, she was crazier than Piper was, but they laughed together all the same. "And for your information that was Alex's last chance," Piper said evenly. "Now get out!" She said with marginally more force.

"What did I do? Shouldn't you be madder at Alex right now!?" Nicky tried to direct Piper's obvious anger away from herself, but Piper was full on glaring at her now."

" _You_ -" Piper took a step closer to the shorter woman who instinctively took a step back but ended up against the wall. "Saved me when I didn't want to be saved, and _you_ had the _audacity to_ stand by and _let_ her lie to my face while I believed everything she said, and then as if that wasn't enough, _you_ come to me and _expect_ me to be pleased that you told me after the fact!? Are you fucking crazy?!" Piper sneered furiously, making the other woman flinch.

It was rare that Nicky was the subject of Piper's temper, but now she was and it was mildly terrifying for her, to say the least. "Piper, I'm sorry, I -" Nicky tried to explain, she wanted Piper to understand, but Piper wasn't having it and interrupted her.

"Stop. Just stop. It's Chapman, to you, Nichols. This-" Piper gestured to the small space between them. "is over. We aren't friends anymore. I can't trust you."

"What the fuck?" Nicky wasn't going to hurt her, but she pushed Piper away from her to give her some space to breathe. "I-I don't believe you! Answer this for me, will ya?" Piper just looked at her. "Where was Alex Vause when you left your fiancée? Where was she when you chose her? She rejected you didn't she?" Piper nodded slowly. "Who did everything they could to save your life because they couldn't stand the thought of losing you when you turned all suicidal because you had just lost the two people you loved the most?!" Nicky continued her line of questioning, intent on making Piper forgive her, or, at least, making her understand how much she was hurting her.  
"You did" Piper muttered.

"Where was Alex then? She may not have known what happened, but surely she would have been concerned, that is if she actually gave a damn!" Nicky snapped.

"She wasn't there," Piper said quietly. It seemed like Nicky's tactic was working. She needed to make Piper understand how much she meant to her, and that by ending this friendship, she was breaking Nicky in the process.

"Who stayed with you all night, and never left your side?!" Nicky asked quickly, tears gathering in her eyes.

"You did" Piper answered.

"Exactly, can you honestly say that we aren't friends anymore?!" Nicky was afraid of Piper's answer.

"I wish I could say no," She noticed tears in Nicky's eyes, but she held herself back from comforting her, although it stung to do so. It wasn't often that Nicky broke down, in Piper's mind Nicky was a close second to Alex in terms of her emotional control. Piper could only come up with two other times Nicky had completely lost it, that was when Lorna broke up with her, and then when Trish died.

"Piper, you have to listen to me, do not go running back to her. She is no good for you. If she really forgave you or cared so fucking much, none of this would have happened because she wouldn't have been stupid enough to let you go." Nicky argued. "You were prepared to do anything for her, and you shouldn't have to! You shouldn't have to do anything to prove yourself to someone who loves you as much as you love them." Nicky said, still trying to make Piper understand because apparently she didn't. "You took the risk, you did what she asked so that she would take you back, but she didn't because even that wasn't enough for her. She let you go, and she only decided to come back to you with her apology about it to ease her own fucking guilt"

Piper was just about to walk away, but Nicky's last statement made her think. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, she was only able to forgive you and apologize, _after_ she found out what happened, and she didn't even tell you that she knew!" Nicky continued.

"That makes a lot of sense, I'm sure she'll deny it, though like she will deny everything. Excuse me I have to talk to her, but don't you worry, it's already fucking over she just doesn't know it" Piper said coolly as she turned once again to leave.

"Goodbye Nicky," Piper said with a tone of finality as she quickly walked away. Piper couldn't look at her anymore, because if she did she wouldn't be able to stay mad at her, and right now she needed all the anger and strength she could muster.

"Piper wait, don't, I-" Nicky called after her, but she kept on walking. Nicky just watched her go. She wondered if that's what Piper felt like every time she and Alex fought. It stung, and right then she wished for anything to dull the pain, but alas she was in prison and she had no access to cigarettes or alcohol. She had to fix it with Piper, that was the only way to make it better, she had to make it up to her somehow. As much as she wanted to just curl up and shut out the world, she couldn't because she wasn't going to lose Piper, not because of Alex. She would just have to let Piper cool off before approaching her. In the meantime, she had to get back to her job, she was supposed to be fixing a fan in the rec room. It would be a welcomed distraction because it wasn't until that moment when she fully realized what Piper meant to her and that shit scared her.

* * *

Once again, Piper was walking away from someone she cared about. Even if they said they were just friends, Nicky still meant more to her than any of her 'real' friends, and it hurt more than she thought it would or should, to say goodbye to her. Nicky didn't deserve all of her anger in that moment. She was just so upset, and the majority of her anger was towards Alex who wasn't there, but Nicky was so she got the brunt of it. She wondered if she could make up with Nicky. Piper knew that Nicky didn't hold grudges like Alex did, so maybe she could make it right between them again. It was the other one that she needed to be rid of once and for all because this was the last straw. She kept on walking because there was that one person she still had to say goodbye to, but the difference was that they deserved every ounce of anger Piper had in her. She willed herself to have what it took to end it with her again. She could barely stand to see Nicky broken up about her, but with Alex, she feared it was going to be much, much worse. She was afraid of how much worse it would be. She could only remember how the last time had torn her apart and she was depressed for months afterward.  
As she kept walking briskly down the hallways, she regretted more and more being so hard on Nicky, and now she almost wished she wasn't walking into this alone. She missed Nicky's presence already. The wild-haired woman was always good at easing the tension and she always had Piper's back, from almost as soon as Piper had gotten there. How had she let Alex come between their friendship? That thought alone was more fuel to the fire that she had against Alex right now.

She went straight for the laundry room and walked right up to Alex who was folding a pile of clothes when she walked in. Piper noticed that Alex wasn't the only one in there. The short, bible-obsessed, Tiffany Doggett, and her band of blind followers, Leane, the somewhat taller, blonde crackhead, and her friend, Angie, the brunette with a similar stature who was also a junkie, were also folding clothes at the other table.

Alex looked up and immediately a smile came across her face at seeing Piper there. Apparently Piper's expression didn't display her anger or Alex would have said something about it immediately.

"Hey Pipes, sorry I got caught by a C.O. so I have to finish this _and_ the next shift for trying to skip, but if you want I can meet you in your bunk later" She said suggestively raising her eyebrow at her and flashing her usual smirk while brushing some locks of blonde hair behind Piper's ear. Piper just lets her, but she wasn't going to pretend for even a second that she enjoyed it, because right now she was beside herself with anger, and Alex's suggestive comment was not helping her.

Oh how easily Alex was able to fall back into her persona and how easy it was for her to lie, Piper thought bitterly, how could she have let herself fall for her again.

"Hey! Lesbians!" Tiffany Doggett shouted from the other laundry folding table, making them both turn their attention to her. "You can't do that here or anywhere, it's unholy!"

Alex lost her smirk when she answered. "Do what? I didn't even kiss her yet let alone get to the actual fucking part" When she looked back at Piper her smirk was firmly back on her face, but Piper was still expressionless. "Well? Are you going to come closer so I _can_ kiss you?" Alex asked, but Piper didn't move.

"No, you come here," Piper said thinking about how she didn't want to have this argument in front of these people, but in the time that she had been thinking Alex had come to stand next to her.

She felt Alex's arms around her waist breaking her out of her thoughts. She slowly lifted her gaze to look at her, but she avoided looking into Alex's eyes. If she did, she wouldn't be able to hold onto her anger, and she desperately needed to do that.

"So about that -" but Alex was cut off by Piper's lips crashing against hers. Piper kissed her. Piper wanted it to be the best kiss either of them had ever had because she was going to be sure it was the last one they ever shared. Piper did her best to keep all of her anger out of it and put everything she had ever felt for Alex into it, keeping it soft but passionate. Alex returned it with just as much fervor but she didn't know Piper intended it to be their last.

Alex gasped and smirked when Piper broke away from her, both of them breathing heavily. "Jesus Pipes, that was amazing, I don't think you've ever kissed me like that"

Piper looked into her eyes this time when she answered. "That's because I haven't, and I'll never do it again, I hope it was worth it"

She glanced away for a moment catching Tiffany's gaze, and she noticed Leanne and Angie had left. Alex was going to question her motives, but Doggett was seemed intent on interrupting them.

"College, I thought you were smart, I said You. Can't. Do. That. Here." Doggett said making Alex glance her way as well.

"Don't worry Tiff, I won't be long, but, if you leave for five minutes, I promise I'll be gone when you get back, and you won't have to worry about our _lesbian activity_ anymore, deal?" Piper proposed.

Alex raised her eyebrow questioningly again, but Piper ignored her for the moment, focusing instead on getting Doggett out for at least five minutes.

The shorter woman considered this for a moment. "And?"

Piper rolled her eyes, she'd probably have to trade her soul away to make this woman happy. She sighed and answered. "And I promise to pray for forgiveness for all of my lesbian related sins," She said as convincingly as possible.

Doggett nodded and moved to leave. "You have to attend church this Sunday and I'll go"

Piper would agree to just about anything to get her to leave. "Yes, I promise to pray, and I'll go to the Sunday session, but then you have to be out of here for at least ten minutes"  
"Fine, see you on Sunday College!" Doggett shouted over her shoulder as she walked away, apparently quite pleased with herself.

"Good thing you got ten minutes, five wouldn't have been nearly enough time for our _lesbian activity_ , but I think I can get it done in ten if we start now," Alex said suggestively winking at her.  
"That's not what I came for and you probably already know that," Piper said seriously.

"Yeah I got that from the kiss. What was that about anyways, I mean damn, I guess I forgot you were so good at that." Alex said dreamily. "So you got ten minutes alone with me in exchange for some prayers, good deal, if I do say so. After I'm done with you, the only thing you'll be praying for is more" Alex continued, her smirk still gracing her gorgeous features.  
"Incase you didn't hear, this ten minutes cost me my Sunday morning" Piper sighed.

"Next thing you know she's gonna try and baptize you" Alex chuckled, but Piper wasn't amused.

"She already tried that." Alex could barely contain a laugh at that. "Needless to say, it didn't work out, and ever since she has been trying to find every way possible to make me believe, so, me going to church is a major victory for her that I will never live down," Piper said dryly.

"So what was _that_ about? Making deals with that lunatic about anything is insane, but making deals that involve church with that psycho is fucking suicidal, I hope you plan on attending because I'd hate to lose you like that" Alex joked, but she knew instantly that she'd just made a huge mistake when Piper gaped at her.

Piper couldn't believe it, or, of course, she could, it was Alex. So not only was Alex willing to lie about it, but she was also willing to joke about it, to her no less, knowing full well that she had actually tried to kill herself. All of the anger that seemed to marginally fade since she entered the laundry room flooded back to her in that instant.

"Fuck you for that Alex, Jesus Christ!" Piper snapped.

"Good thing you're going to church" Alex muttered, but Piper ignored her comment.

"Don't you even fucking dare talk to me about being suicidal!" Piper raised her voice and stepped closer to her. "I know you know, and I know you didn't tell me. Do you know what else?"

Alex cursed Nicky for this, but she sighed, she should have told her. She had to face this. "No, what else?"

"I know that you don't really care about me. Your little demonstration of guilt and your half-hearted excuse of an apology was only to make yourself feel better!"

Alex balled her hands into fists at her side and clenched her jaw. "How can you even say that?! I said I loved you Piper and I meant it" She replied angrily. It wasn't very often that was was insincere about her feelings, especially to Piper. Although she would admit to lying to her.

"Where were you then? I needed you and you weren't there!" Piper recalled Nicky's argument about Alex.

"When?! Name one time I wasn't there for you when you needed me?!" Alex countered harshly, but when she saw that Piper had this all prepared she cursed herself inwardly because there were plenty of examples.

"Only one? How bout I give you a few, to see if they jog your memories!" Piper hissed. "When I broke up with Larry! I gave him up to be with you, but you apparently didn't care that I may have needed someone to talk to." She stated, but Alex didn't respond. "No? Okay, how about when I came to see you later that day?! Sure you were there, but it was as if you weren't because you still couldn't make yourself care enough to say anything!" Again a pause and still no response. "Remember? No, you still don't? Well, that's fucked up" Alex grimaced as Piper continued rattling off moments from the past few days. "Oh and how about this one? Where were you when I actually wanted to die? Because you weren't there that time either. You know that's what happened right? I actually tried to _kill_ myself because of what you put me through!" Piper raised her voice.  
Alex didn't answer, she was sure Piper was going to continue anyways, and she was right, but, this time, Piper's voice was quieter. "You know, it's kind of funny." Piper chuckled humorlessly.

"What?" Alex dared to ask. She feared what Piper was going to say.

"While I was writing that note, the one you read, I made a deal with myself because I was still on the fence about it all. The deal was, that if you came to me before I finished writing it, I would have forgotten the whole thing, and if you didn't, then I'd have to go through with it because I'd have a note to leave behind. I had finished it and I gave you an extra twenty minutes, during which I almost thought myself out of it," Piper explained quietly, keeping her eyes locked on Alex's the entire time. "but then I thought of something, do you know what?" Piper asked plainly.

Alex shook her head, she couldn't make herself speak.

"You. I thought of you Alex. I thought of how strong you are, of how when you want something you get it, and when you decide to do something, you do it no matter what the cost. So I said to myself, 'Why not try to be like her this time. Why not do it Alex's way? She wouldn't hesitate if she felt like this' so with that, I did. I walked outside, far enough that I was away from the lights of the building," Piper explained. "You helped me, but you still weren't there, and I would have preferred not to have gone outside at all. You can imagine what my last thought was before everything went black." Piper watched her closely as she continued. "Still you, except this time I thought of how much I would miss you-" Piper saw the tears in Alex's eyes as she retold the events.

"Stop" Alex pleaded. "You weren't there for me either!"

Piper thought for a moment before it made sense. "You mean in Paris? I knew there was no way you were over that!" Piper laughed humorlessly. "You're right. I left you in Paris. I broke your heart and mine in the process. Your mom died. She was gone and you had no one left. I should have stayed, I know that, and I have lived every day since then wishing I could go back, but I can't. There is nothing I could possibly do to make it better and we both know it" Piper said evenly. "This isn't about Paris though, it isn't even like Paris. There isn't a drug cartel forcing you to do anything. There isn't a plane I can jump on to get out of here. No one died. Not actually, but I almost did. I almost died!" Piper ranted and that made Alex feel even worse for saying anything. She just wanted Piper to realize that this wasn't the first time this had happened between them.  
"All of my thoughts were of you and you weren't there. I didn't think of my parents or my friends, or any of the people who probably deserve my love more, no. I thought only of you, and you weren't even the one to notice I was missing. You weren't the one who stayed with me all night, and you couldn't have even brought yourself to be kind to me at breakfast. You may not have known about the incident, but you knew I was sick. If you cared you would have maybe tried something else"

"Of course, I cared, I still do!" Alex insisted, but her words fell on deaf ears. "I-"

"No, let me finish because I didn't get to the most important part." Piper demanded, and Alex remained quiet, dreading what Piper was going to say. "Giving up my _fiancée_ , whom I had been completely ready to marry, should have been enough for you. There shouldn't have been any question in your mind because there was no choice for you. You didn't have to give up anything or anyone. So that makes me wonder, what was the problem anyways? Why couldn't you have just answered me when I met you in here the other day, you could have at least pretended." Hearing what Alex had to say wasn't going to stop her from doing what she had every intention of doing, but she still needed to know.

"I-I don't know. I was still mad at you for Paris, and I didn't know if I could trust you, especially after you left Larry so easily." She said quietly. "You made your choice so clear and easily that it confused me, I didn't believe you"

Piper just looked at her. "Larry has nothing to do with this anymore and no. It was an easy choice, obviously, I mean look at you. I know you, and you're actually here and not outside, not that that matters. But make no mistake. Throwing away the life I could have had with him, and just imagining it, is not only awful, but it's also painful, and in no way easy!" Piper sighed. "Well, that doesn't matter. This all started because you didn't want to be my mistress anymore, and frankly, I didn't want that either, that's why I agreed to choose. And, I chose you over him, because I love you, not him, and I'm glad you made me realize that." Here it comes, Piper anticipated her next statement and had gone over it a hundred times in her head, but now she was about to say it. "But I can't do this. Not with you. You can't be my girlfriend, you can't be my prison wife, you can't be my mistress, and as you pointed out before, we loved each other but we were never friends, so we can't even be friends. I still love you, I probably always will, but I hate you too, and I can't trust you," Piper said as steadily as she could, but there was a slight tremor in her voice. "I shouldn't have had to do anything to prove my devotion to you, and that includes practically dying, so this has to end right here, right now," Piper said finally.

"No" Was all Alex could say. It was like deja vu, Paris all over again but, this time was worse. Everything was worse, from the reasoning behind Piper's decision to the fact that Alex had sworn she wasn't ever going to let the blonde into her heart again before this had all started. "This isn't you talking Piper. This is Nichols, she told you these things and filled your head with crazy ideas about how I'm such a bad person, but it isn't true. You know that." Alex said trying to gain back any ground in this fight that she knew she was destined to lose.

"No, you aren't a bad person Alex, but the crazy ideas hold more truth than what I've heard from you. You haven't even tried to defend yourself, and someone who won't fight for their own innocence is undeniably guilty." Piper answered. "Yeah, she told me. I fought with her right before coming to see you, so I hope you're happy that not only have you almost single-handedly ruined our relationship" She gestured between them. "But now I have some serious apologizing to do because of you"

"So what is she your girlfriend? Going to run back to her now?" Alex scoffed bitterly.

"I won't be running to anyone, and she isn't my girlfriend" Piper insisted. "You know this, but Nicky was the one who noticed I was missing, she was the one who saved my life, she was with me all night, and yeah she let you lie to me, but she was doing it because she knew I wanted to be with you, and if you had just told me, I would be." She continued with that realization. "Nicky actually cares about me and yet all, this time, I've only been thinking of myself, and of you. So yeah, maybe you're right, maybe I should go running to her, maybe I should see if she'd rather be my girlfriend instead of my best friend, because you know what? She certainly deserves my love more than you do" Piper said thoughtfully before she turned to walk away.

"Piper, don't you leave me again" Alex called desperately after her, and thankfully for her, Piper stopped to look at her again.

"Alex, you aren't stuck in a dryer, this time, you don't need my help to get out." Piper smiled softly. "You'll be okay, it's better this way. I'll see you around" Piper said before turning to leave before Alex could see the tears in her own eyes, and the irony of walking away from her just one more time made everything worse. When she stepped out of the laundry room she saw Doggett and the other two standing outside. It had been more than ten minutes, but they must have heard them yelling at each other and chose to just wait it out.

"Thanks" Piper muttered as she walked past them.

"What's the matter College?!" Doggett called after her making her stop.

She wiped her eyes one last time before she turned around. "Nothing. I'm fine, why?"

"We heard you yelling," Leanne pointed out.

"You don't expect us to believe that you're fine, do you?" Tiffany asked watching Piper's expression intently. "We take care of our own, and as a new member of the church, you're one of us now, College" Piper cursed herself for making that agreement, it was only one time it wasn't like he was pledging her life to it.

"We aren't stupid," Angie said.

"I know that, but really, I will be okay. Thank you for asking. Now I really have to go" Piper needed to get away. She hurriedly started walking again. "Oh, and I won't forget about church on Sunday" She called over her shoulder.

"I wonder what got into her" Angie drawled as the three of them walked back into the laundry room. Alex had her back to the door, silent tears running down her face, smearing her black eyeliner.

"What's wrong with her?" Leanne whispered to Angie who shrugged before calling out: "Hey! Hey what wrong with you?!"

"Nothing, just leave me alone, I'm not in the mood." Alex said drying her eyes and moving back to her side of the table, trying to focus on her job, but she couldn't.

"College really fucked you up didn't she?" Doggett said. "We heard her yelling."

"But if half of what Chapman was sayin was true then it was the other way around Tucky" Leanne corrected much to Alex's annoyance.

"Yes Leanne, we all know that, but I wanted Vause to admit her own faults!" Doggett said.

Alex tried to ignore them. She was already trying so hard not to show any emotions and listening to their comments were not helping.

"Hey you! You got anythin to say for yourself?"

"Why would I talk to you, and why do you care anyways, you hate both of us?!" Alex growled.

Doggett feigned offense at Alex's words. "It's my Christian duty to protect the dignity of my fellow church goers. And I don't hate College, she is just misguided. _I_ , being the benevolent voice through which God has chosen to speak, is here to help return her to the path of righteousness!" Doggett exclaimed, both Angie and Leanne nodded in agreement.

Alex couldn't deal with this right now. "Will you just shut the Fuck up? You're more like the voice of the devil, you psycho. And Piper is not part of your flock of blind, deaf, and paralyzed rats you call sheep." Alex snapped more fiercely than she probably should have, being more insulting that she intended to be. "You don't need to protect her, she isn't a lamb, she can take care of herself and she can make her own choices!"

"I should kill you. You disrespected me, and no one disrespects me without getting what they deserve!" Doggett yelled.

"You really want to fight with me right now?!" Alex threw the clothes she was folding to the table and walked around so she was facing the other three. "Come at me bitches"

Doggett had more courage than Alex expected. The shorter woman came to stand right in front of her with her two friends flanking her on either side.

"Us four against you wouldn't be a fight, so you should just apologize now!" Doggett sneered as she glared up at Alex.

"You need to go back to school, there are only three of you dumbass" Alex laughed. "Come back when you can count"  
Alex turned away from them.

"You forget, I have God on my side, he'll protect me from she-demons like you!" Dogged countered as she threw the closest thing she could grab at Alex's head. It happened to be a shirt, but it was enough to make Alex stop. "But creatures like you don't believe, so why don't you come over here and fight me and you'll see he's real when he kicks your ass!"

That was it, the final straw for Alex. With little warning, she spun around so fast and marched back up them and pinned Doggett against the nearest washing machine. The other two were more afraid of Alex and hurried out of the room to get a CO.

Alex had her by the throat, but the shorter woman was still smiling. "Hurting me will only hurt you and it won't bring your lesbian buddy back" Doggett choked out.  
"Shut up!" Alex leaned into her with more of her weight. She didn't anticipate the shorter woman using that to her advantage when she felt a sharp kick to her stomach sending her stumbling backward.

"Now your gonna get it," Doggett said as she approached Alex who was leaning against the table facing away from her.

"This had been meant for College at one point, but she's coming around, so I think it's better suited for you," Doggett said as she pulled out a handmade knife and dragged it against Alex's hand.

Alex tore her hand away and pushed the shorter woman away and kicked her in the shin. She pulled the knife from Doggett's grasp and threw it away. While she was looking away for a moment she felt the smaller woman's fist connect with her face a few times until she was able to push Doggett to the floor and straddle her, pinning her arms to the floor with her knees. "Get the fuck off me!" Doggett squirmed beneath her, but Alex wasn't listening anymore. She felt her own warm blood on her face and tasted it when it reached her lips. She couldn't handle the sensation. She let out all of her anger in that moment, punching the other woman with all the strength she had. For losing Piper, for being reminded of Paris, for the reminder of her mother, for all of the shit she put up with, and for Nicky turning Piper against her. She didn't stop until she couldn't feel her hand anymore, all of the anger leaving her. She pushed herself off and slumped against the nearest laundry machine, convinced she probably killed the churchly maniac.

She felt her own warm blood on her face and tasted it when it reached her lips. She couldn't handle the sensation. She let out all of her anger in that moment, punching the other woman with all the strength she had. For losing Piper, for being reminded of Paris, for the reminder of her mother, for all of the shit she put up with, and for Nicky turning Piper against her. She didn't stop until she couldn't feel her hand anymore, all of the anger leaving her. She pushed herself off and slumped against the nearest laundry machine, convinced she probably killed the churchly maniac.

And then it went dark. She heard voices around her and she felt like she was floating, but she didn't dare to move or open her eyes.

* * *

After leaving Tiffany and her gang behind outside the laundry room, Piper didn't know where she wanted to go. She didn't want to be alone, she needed to find Nicky. Looking out one of the windows as she made her way through the hallways, she could see it was dark outside and that it should be close to dinner time. Instead of heading to her cube she went to the cafeteria.

Red, Big Boo, and Yoga Jones were sitting together, but Nicky wasn't there yet. The Latinos and the African Americans were all at their own tables, and then there were the 'Golden girls' sitting at their usual table. Everyone seemed generally content.

Piper stood patiently in line to receive her plate of dinner, she didn't really care what it was and she didn't feel like eating, but she knew she had hardly eaten anything over the past two days so she was going to eat it anyways.

She sat down at the end of the table across the walkway closest to where Red, Yoga, and Boo were, allowing for the definitive distance between herself and them.

"Hey ya Chapman!" Big Boo leaned over to get her attention. Piper looked up from her tray, and her eyes must have betrayed her. "What's up with you?"

"Noth-" Piper was about to answer but a familiar voice cut her off.

"Aw come on, leave her alone, she's fine, just a little sick, yeah?" It was Nicky. She sat down across from Piper and winked.

"Whatever Nichols," Boo said turning back to her table.

"Nicky," "Piper," they said at the same time. Nicky nodded to Piper, but the blonde looked away when she spoke.

"I'm sorry Nic, I didn't mean to get so worked up. It wasn't your fault." Piper said, but Nicky waved her off.

"No, no Chapman come on, no sappy stuff. It's fine, I swear, I get it, it's all good" Nicky grinned, elated that they were still good.

"No Nicky I really am sorry. I know you've done so much for me and I've treated you like shit. You mean so much to me, and I can't lose that, not now" Piper continued anyways, still looking down. "I didn't mean any of it"

"Well, I did. I meant everything I said to you Chapman, and really, it's okay. I'm just glad your alright" Nicky reached across the table and took Piper's hand in hers. "Chapman, look at me"

Piper did, she lifted her gaze to look into Nicky's eyes again. "You're more than my best friend, it would take more than that little argument to make it otherwise"

Piper smiled, thanking whatever deity that was listening for having Nicky in her life. "Thank you so much, Nicky, for everything"

Nicky let he go and leaned back. "So you really alright? What happened with tall, dark, and sexy?" Nicky asked lightly.

Piper sighed and pushed her tray away from her, she couldn't force herself to eat this shit right now.

"You know, it didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would afterward. Probably because I was expecting something like this to happen anyways" Piper said looking back at the woman with the crazy hair. "I think the argument I had with you was worse and overall more painful in retrospect," Piper said thoughtfully.

"Really?" Nicky eyed her curiously. "So uh- what happened? How'd she take it?" Nicky changed the subject.

"Well I kissed her, and it was so sweet and she loved it" Piper recalled, and Nicky just gaped at her. "Then I obviously broke up with her and gave her every reason why. She didn't take it particularly well. But she'll be okay." Piper continued thinking back on the fight and how much worse it could have been if Alex had actually tried to defend herself, or if Alex would have said anything at all. But that didn't happen and Piper was grateful.

Piper smiled and Nicky was glad that she wasn't so broken up, but it only increased her curiosity.

"What are you thinking about?" Nicky prompted.

"Oh, I was just remembering that I promised Doggett that _we_ would attend church on Sunday," Piper said feigning annoyance which became real when she realized she said 'we' instead of 'I'. She didn't bother to correct her slight error, though because actually she had a better idea.

"You promised her that you and Alex would attend church on Sunday? What for? No offense Chapman but that was really fucking stupid." Nicky commented.

"No silly. I promised her that you and I would go to church on Sunday." Piper said as seriously as she could, but she couldn't stop herself from laughing at the mix of anger and confusion crossed Nicky's face."No you didn't, you're lying" Nicky was so sure Piper was joking but when she finally realized Piper could really be telling the truth she let her head fall into her hands. "Shit. What did you get out of it, please tell me it was worth it"

"No you didn't, you're lying" Nicky was so sure Piper was joking but when she finally realized Piper could really be telling the truth she let her head fall into her hands. "Shit. What did you get out of it, please tell me it was worth it"

Piper's grin grew wider. "Oh, it wasn't. I traded our Sunday morning for ten minutes alone with Alex that I used to break up with her"

Nicky shook her head, but she was grinning too. "You fucking bitch, I can't believe you. Why would you drag me into it!?"

"Because you're more than my best friend to me too, and besides it would be no fun without you there" Piper answered honestly. Nicky was still grinning, but she became serious when she caught sight of a few CO's in the hallway outside the cafeteria.

It was Bennett and Maxwell, and it looked like they were trying to keep everyone inside. "Come on," Nicky said to Piper and she got up to see what was going on. Piper watched her for a moment before she followed her to the door.

"What's going on?" Piper asked the two guards.

"A fight in the laundry room" Bennett answered.

Piper had a bad feeling. "Who - who was involved?"

"Vause and Doggett, they were both unconscious when someone found them," Maxwell said offhandedly. "They look like shit"

"Christ" Nicky murmured when she saw another CO pushing a rolling table holding a bloodied, unconscious, and restrained, Doggett, down the hall. It was similar to the one used to remove Trisha from the building and it made Nicky shudder.

She blinked and Piper rushed past her as she spotted the next silver table with a restrained and partially conscious Alex on it. Neither of the guards moved to hold her back as she went to Piper's side.

Alex had a black eye and blood all over her face and hands, and it was stained across her shirt as well.

"Alex," Piper said quietly as she walked along with her.

"I'm-sorry-Piper" Alex managed to say before they reached the doors to the front at which Piper had to stay behind.

"Where are they taking her?" Piper questioned to no one in particular, but Nicky was there with her.

"To the hospital and then to the SHU for sure if not MAX" Nicky answered sadly.

"This is all my fault" Piper muttered as she turned and buried her face in Nicky's shoulder, wrapping her arms around the shorter woman.

"No, hey now, come on, she chose to do whatever she did," Nicky said trying to reassure the blonde as she wrapped an arm around her and directed them down the hallway toward their bunks. "Does that mean we don't have to go to church on Sunday?" Nicky asked.

* * *

 **A/N Okay, be honest now, what did you think? Good to move on to the nex chapter? Or completely off and it should be destroyed forever?**

 **Stay tuned for more in a few days. (hopefully).**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Sorry for the slight delay, but after you read this you may understand why it took longer. Also, this is more of a filler so nothing terribly dramatic happens. I did write it differently than the past chapters because I had to skip some time so hopefully, it isn't awful in that respect. As per request, I tried to make the characters less OOC, but I don't think it worked, so I apologize.**

 **I'd like to thank everyone for their supportive reviews, it means a lot. Some of the comments I got were rather humorous, so thank you so much. And just so you all know, I am prepared for the onslaught of hate for this, but hopefully, Alex's moments make it more bearable so we can all make it to the next chapter.**

 **Please enjoy and let me know what you think!**

* * *

Things weren't the same with Alex gone and it was far too quiet with Doggett not there all the time either. The church going psycho came back for a few days after she was treated only to be taken to the SHU immediately afterward. She returned often enough, though, so everyone was updated on her situation all the time.  
The first few days were the worst for Piper, the fever and cold she had been trying to get over only got worse. She kept mostly to herself, and spent most of her time in her cube, in the library, or in the chapel when it was empty, which was most of the time. But when she couldn't stand to be alone anymore and she could barely take care of herself, Nicky was with her.

The wild-haired woman kept her distracted with her witty remarks and bewildering sense of humor that Piper couldn't resist, all the while helping her get better. Nicky would bring her all sorts of stuff, like a new book to read, or warm ramen, between her shifts in electrical.

When Piper was well enough to return to work, Nicky made the time seem to pass as fast as possible during their shifts together and always kept things interesting.  
They never discussed Alex and Nicky claimed she was completely over Lorna, so their conversations were never that serious.

There wasn't much drama to discuss anymore since the two major instigators were no longer there. Of course, that didn't stop them from talking about any rumors they would hear around the camp.

After two weeks, the guards ordered Alex's stuff to be cleaned out of her bunk. Piper made sure to keep anything she knew was of value to Alex, especially her books, with the deluded idea that she would return them if Alex ever came back. By then, Piper had completely recovered and seemed to be happier than ever, considering she was still in prison.

She had even allowed herself to enjoy the New Years party that they had. It was hosted days after new years because they needed more guards present, but nobody cared.  
Nicky had gotten a hold of some hooch, Piper still wasn't sure from where, but she drank it all the same. It was stronger than she could handle, and after only a few drinks, she was blind drunk. In that state, she had kissed Nicky sloppily on the mouth and they ended up in a fit of laughter.

They let go of any cares or worries they may have had when they were sober, and really let themselves enjoy it. All thoughts of everyone else, of every past relationship, of every fight, faded to the back of their minds.

The next day they brushed it off and acted like nothing had happened as Piper recovered from a serious hangover, but the day after, neither could get enough of the other. Whether that was because they were both missing their respective exes and they were trying to fill some void within themselves, or they actually felt something for each other, which both of them claimed they did. They agreed to not let it get weird between them and they tried to keep everything as nonserious as possible as they explored this new side of their relationship so if something happened, their friendship would still be intact.

Piper allowed Larry to visit her once in the month following the incident, and Nicky was worried she would go back to him. Even with all of Piper assurances, she still wasn't convinced. It only happened once and after Piper said goodbye to him she didn't see him again, and she trashed everything he sent to her without reading it.  
Other than that, they were as happy as they could be with each other in that place. Their lives had settled into a routine of spending almost every waking minute together and occasionally sneaking off to be with each other at times when they weren't supposed to be. They were constantly distracted by each other and often their other friends would just let them alone. Everything was fine, that was until one day.

* * *

Alex had woken up in a small concrete room. Dizzy, disoriented, and in pain, she vaguely remembered what happened and why.

She had been in the SHU one other time and that was only for a day. It had been dreadfully boring, and she was constantly hoping to be let out, and she couldn't have been happier when she was.

But now her body ached everywhere and she couldn't tell how long she'd been there.

She held onto what she hoped was a memory of Piper the day she was taken away. She tried to hold onto the thoughts and memories of what Piper looked like, and what her sweet voice sounded like. Apart from the pain, she could still remember the kiss. The last one they shared. How sweet it had been.  
The medication they gave her numbed her senses and left her sleeping most of the time so she quickly lost track of time. Not to mention she didn't know how long she had been in there before she woke up.

When the bruises on her face had healed and she was off the meds, she spent most of her time crying, which left her with massive headaches. Eventually, she forced herself to stop.

She was still holding onto the chance of seeing Piper again, she knew it was wrong and probably impossible, but that was the only thing that gave her the will to live anymore.  
The four stone cold walls began to haunt her. She started seeing things that she couldn't identify and hearing voices she couldn't understand.

After a while all thoughts of Piper were gone, everything of her life before was pushed so far into the back of her mind that she wasn't herself anymore. She didn't worry herself about if she'd see Piper or anyone else for that matter ever again. Instead, she would stare blankly at the ceiling or the floor, she would eat almost whatever they put in front of her, and she slept.

At one point she managed to ask for a pen and paper and as if it were a miracle, they gave it to her. She mostly doodled, or wrote whatever errant thoughts came to mind, but even that got boring after a while. She tried tracking the meals and showers, hoping to count the days from that point on, although not knowing how long she had already been in there would make any conclusion she reached useless.

Things had continued on in a similar way every day, but everything changed when the guard opened the door one morning? Or night? She didn't know. But everything changed.

* * *

"So you and Chapman still, huh?" The short Italian woman asked the woman with curly hair who was reading a book on her bed across.

"Yeah," The woman with the wild hair answered without looking up.

"Is she good for you?" Lorna asked, leaning against the wall.

Nicky put her book down to look up at her. "What kind of question is that? Of course, she is" Nicky replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You got somethin on your mind Morello?"

"No, I was just curious is all, you know me," She said innocently, but Nicky didn't believe her. Before she could question her, though, Piper walked briskly by, with a short nod to Lorna on her way.

"Hey, Chapman!" Nicky jumped up, and Piper turned around to look at her. Upon seeing her, Piper's face lit up.

"Hey, Nic."

"Where you headed in such a hurry without stoppin to see me? I thought you were, I dunno, fixin somethin for Luschek" Nicky shrugged.

"Sorry, I wish I was, but the _all_ _powerful_ /, Mr. Healy has summoned me," She said with an added dramatic flair and wave of her hand. Nicky rolled her eyes.

"What does he want now, weren't you just there yesterday?"

"Yeah, I was, and I don't want to spend any more time with him." Piper messed with a strand of Nicky's hair. "I'd much rather be spending time with you, but I have to go" Piper let go of her and turned to walk away.

"Hey you! Forgetting something?" Nicky raised an eyebrow at her.

Piper faced her again knowing exactly what Nicky meant. "Of course, not" Piper leaned in and gave her a quick kiss.

"Ah go on Chapman, get it over with, you and I can chill later" Nicky winked at her and Piper grinned.

"I'll be back for you!" Piper warned playfully as she walked purposefully away towards the place she absolutely hated the most in the entire prison, Mr. Healy's office. It was actually a close second to the SHU, she decided as she knocked on the door. She took a breath and stepped inside when she heard a muffled "Come in".

"Chapman, good morning," Mr. Healy said from his desk.

"It's afternoon Sir." Piper couldn't help herself, she loved it when she could point out he was wrong.

"Don't correct me, Chapman, if I say it's morning, it's morning" Mr. Healy grumbled.

"That's not entirely true. With the world clock, the government actually determined that anytime after 12 am is morning until 11:59 am, and any time after 12 pm is afternoon and or night until 11:59 pm," The older man was glaring at her now. "There isn't really room for - interpretation," She finished quietly before clearing her throat. "So why did you need to see me?" She asked. He pulled out a paper and handed it to her.

"What's this?" She skimmed over it, but she wasn't a legal expert and didn't understand, she would rather he just told her instead of handing her random pieces of paper she wasn't even going to read. She did see a few things that interested her, but nothing that gave her any insight as to what this was about.

"You're being transferred to Chicago," He said gruffly.

She paled slightly. "Ch-Chicago?! Why?!"

"It seems they need you to be a witness in a trial for someone related to your case" He explained leaning back in his chair.

"Will I come back?" She asked quietly, handing the paper back to him.

"Yes, you should be transferred back here after the trial, but I can't say for sure" The first part had been so hopeful, but, of course, he didn't know. Why did she expect him to?! This oaf didn't know anything! She thought harshly.

She moved to leave before turning back to him. "When? When do I leave?"

"A transport will be here to get you..." He looked at down at his digital watch. "Tomorrow. The trial's in a few days," He answered.

"Thank you," She said, shakily closing the door behind her.

* * *

"Tomorrow?! Fuck!" Nicky exclaimed when Piper explained as they sat together on Nicky's bed.

"He said I should come back, but I might not," Piper muttered, resting her head on Nicky's shoulder.

"Do you know anything else about it?" Nicky questioned.

"No, that's it, the trial's in Chicago, and I'm just a witness, it's not even my case. On the paper he showed me, I saw the name of Alex's old employer from the drug cartel," She murmured.

"Shit" Nicky exclaimed suddenly.

"I know" Piper pulled herself closer to Nicky, wrapping her arms around her waist, but Nicky didn't react.

"Shit" Nicky repeated.

Piper glanced up at her to see that Nicky wasn't looking at her. "Yeah, you said that already."

"No, I just thought of something," Nicky said looking down at her.

"Yeah, what's that?" Piper asked, leaving a kiss on Nicky's cheek.

"Vause will be there" Piper's breath caught in her throat.

"Shit!" Piper copied her. "Listen to me, look at me" Nicky cast her gaze down to meet Piper's eyes. "You remember I broke up with her right?"

"Yeah," Nicky sighed. "I know" Piper could tell something was off by Nicky's tone.

"Hey, we agreed we wouldn't get too serious about this, remember" Piper brushed some of Nicky's hair out of the way and placed a soft kiss on her jawline. "So, if I don't come back, don't worry about it" She whispered against Nicky's neck.

"Fuck, you think I don't know that, Chapman?" Nicky asked turning to Piper, catching Piper's lips with her own. "But I will worry because I don't know how you're gonna react when you see her" Nicky muttered. "I don't want you to go"

Piper smiled softly at that. "I don't want to go either, but I don't really have a choice"

"This system is fucked up" Nicky drawled leaning her head back against the wall.

Piper hummed in agreement. "Nicky?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to Fuck you tonight," Piper said softly.

"Eh that's alright, you want me to Fuck you instead?" Nicky joked earning a playful punch in the arm.

"I was being serious" Piper mumbled.

"Yeah, so was I" Nicky continued joking.

"Can we just lay here? I mean I know you aren't into any of that kind of stuff, but I'd really just like to lay here with you" Piper said quietly, brushing her thumb over Nicky's cheek.

"Yeah sure, whatever you want" Nicky scooted over and stretched out so Piper could lay next to her.

It never felt the same as when Alex held her. Alex always had this warmness and comfort about her that Piper never seemed to feel when she was with Nicky. Nicky was great, and Piper liked her a lot, and they were great together, but Nicky wasn't Alex. No one could ever compare to Alex. Nicky had more of a roughness and energy about her, and slowly Piper was getting used to it.

"Nicky?"

"Yes, Piper?" She brushed a lock of blonde hair behind Piper's ear while she waited for whatever Piper was going to ask her.

"Everything alright with Morello?" Piper asked, her eyes closed, and just enjoying the sensation of being held by someone else. Nicky was great to her, and they fucked often, which was something Piper needed. But being held, just being in someone's arms was something she craved and cherished. She couldn't have that all the time mostly because Nicky was somewhat opposed to things like that that could potentially harm her reputation.

"Chapman, you aren't jealous are you?" Nicky asked smugly, but still in a soft tone.

Piper had to open her eyes at that and glanced over her shoulder. "No, I just don't want to be in between you two"

She felt Nicky's arms tighten around her. "Don't worry bout it. She's got Christopher, she'll be fine and anyway, I'm over her, we're just friends now," Nicky mumbled against Piper's shoulder which did nothing to convince Piper otherwise. "Besides I already have a prison girlfriend that I am quite content with, ya know"

Piper chuckled. "Is that what I am? Your prison girlfriend?"

"Eh, yeah, it's sounds better than prison wife," Nicky answered.  
"Why? Because the word wife makes it sound like more of a commitment, and we couldn't have that" Piper said with a sarcastic tone but she was just messing with her. She knew Nicky's opposition to what some may call 'normal' relationships.

"What is it with you people and thinking I couldn't hold a relationship together, eh? I could if I wanted to" Nicky asked rhetorically.

Piper just rolled her eyes and grinned even if Nicky couldn't see her face. "I'll miss you, Nichols," Piper whispered barely loud enough for Nicky to hear her.

"Yeah I'll miss you too Chapman" Nicky left a kiss on the back of Piper's neck, the way she knew Piper loved it. She grinned when she heard Piper's hum in response.  
She let her hands travel over Piper's abdomen and down to her thighs. Piper shivered slightly at her touch.

"You're making it very hard to lay still, here, you know that?" Piper giggled lightly.

"You had to know I wouldn't make it easy," Nicky said, her hands wandering closer to where she knew would make Piper crazy. She could feel the heat radiating off her, and she'd be damned if she let Piper leave her without a _proper_ goodbye.

"Oh come on Piper, I may never see you again" Nicky whined.

"Did you hear me object?" Piper asked slyly, tracing circles on the back of Nicky's hand that was pressed against her stomach.

"You little fucker" Nicky practically growled.

"Shit wait, what time is it?!" Piper asked, but Nicky was too busy placing kisses down her neck. "Hmm"

"Hmm"

Piper glanced at the clock. Dinner was almost over, everyone would be coming back in a few minutes. They had been lucky enough to be alone for the past half hour or so, but their time was up.  
"Fuck!" Piper yelped when she felt Nicky nip at her ear and move her hands lower simultaneously. "Nicky-"

"Not listening," Nicky said angling her head so she could catch Piper's lips.

"Nicky-really- we can't-do this here," Piper said between kisses.

"Come on, you know you want to," Nicky said eyeing her knowingly.

"Yeah, but we can't" She gently pushed herself up so she was looking down at the wild-haired woman. At that moment, Piper noticed the short Italian woman was wandering over to them and Nicky sat up abruptly, her arm still around Piper's midsection.  
Piper just eyed Nicky curiously observing her reaction to the short brunette, before she shifted her gaze. "Hey Lorna, what's up?" Piper asked with a tone reflecting genuine kindness.

"Oh not much, I'm only in prison, so you know...we missed you guys at dinner" The short brunette answered.

"Yeah, we had to fix an electrical thing in the room, ya know, over by the uh-" Nicky started before Piper cut her off, noticing the slight stammer in Nicky's voice.

"Luschek made us look at one of the laundry machines, apparently it had been malfunctioning, we only got done a few minutes ago," Piper said convincingly, glancing at Nicky. "He said he would give us more time off tomorrow since we missed dinner today"

"Oh, that's interesting. Did you guys fix it at least?" Lorna asked.

"Fix what? Oh the laundry machine, yeah well the damn thing wasn't even broken, we spend the whole time trying to figure out what was wrong, and it was perfectly fine" Piper pretended to be annoyed.

"That's good. That good. You going to the movie tonight?" Lorna asked looking at Nicky but she didn't answer.

"You bet, we'll see you there" Piper grinned.

"Alright see ya Chapman, and you too Nichols" Lorna walked away.

Piper sighed. "What was that about, Nic? I thought you were over her" Piper asked knowingly. She wasn't jealous, she had no reason to be. Her relationship with Nicky had only recently been less like friends with benefits and more romantic. It seemed more and more real every day and Piper enjoyed what they had going. Although Piper knew Nicky was still affected by Lorna, she was okay with that. She knew she was the same way with Alex, and she was sure Nicky knew that too, just neither of them cared. Piper just wished Nicky would get her act together if she was gonna lie about it.

"I don't know what you're talking about" Nicky grumbled.

"We had to fix an electrical thing in the room? Really?" Piper repeated Nicky's words, raising an eyebrow at her. "You don't ever stumble over your words unless she's around, admit it"

Nicky stood, looking rather annoyed. "There's nothing to admit, Chapman, come on, why would I lie to you about this, I'm with you now"

Piper stood as well. "I have no idea. To spare yourself any pain these feelings might cause. What happened to the confident Nichols, the person who knew what and who they wanted?" Piper remarked, and for a moment she felt like she was describing Alex, but she was thankful that Nicky and Alex were pretty similar in that respect so it wasn't obvious. They were both usually confident in all that they did, and they both usually knew what they wanted.

"I became friends with you" Nicky responded.

Piper sighed. "Okay, but Nic, you're still my best friend and I know you. I think you should either talk to her or maybe just hide it better if you really are with me now" She added.

"No need to get all jealous on me now," Nicky said sarcastically.  
Piper noticed that tone and grimaced, obviously, Nicky must have believed that if she wasn't jealous that she didn't care enough. Of course, she was wrong, Piper really did care about her, and it almost hurt her to see Nicky act like this. "Nicky, you know I just want you to be happy, and I know I'm not Morello,"

"Nicky, you know I just want you to be happy, and I know I'm not Morello,"

"You think I need to be with Morello to be happy?!" Nicky snapped. "You know what, fuck you Chapman"

"I didn't mean that," Piper said quickly. "All I'm saying is that I'm leaving in the morning, and I don't know if I'm coming back, and I don't want you to be fucking miserable in here!" Piper countered.

"Fuck that, I don't need her in order to be happy, I need you, and you'll be back," Nicky stated as if saying it would make it true. "Besides like I said, she has Christopher. You don't need to worry about my miserable feelings while you're gone, I'll be here for you when you get back" Nicky said calmly.

"Nicky seriously you don't know if I'm coming back, figure yourself out while I'm gone, and think about which one of us you'd rather be only friends with," Piper said, placing a hand on Nicky's shoulder.

"Her, I'd rather be friends with her, I don't need to figure that shit out I know already, " Nicky answered immediately. "You're so much better anyways,"

"Why's that?" Piper was genuinely curious.

"You're emotionally stable, less maintenance, and I get you. I understand what goes on in that pretty head of yours. That one is an enigma," Nicky smirked. "Now come 'ere"  
Piper did as she was told and stepped closer so she could give Nicky a hug followed by a passionate kiss.

Piper had to stop herself before they got too carried away, they were still in Nicky's cube, and there were plenty of other people, including guards, around.  
She started walking away until she realized Nicky wasn't following her. "Hey, come on, let's go to that movie unless you don't want to go with me," Piper said innocently turning back to see an unsatisfied Nicky behind her.

"Fine, just don't expect to me to watch the movie," Nicky said slinging an arm around Piper as they continued walking down the hallway.

"Lorna will expect us to sit with them you know, don't be too obnoxious now" Piper commented.

"Hey, I can be as obnoxious as I want" Nicky tugged Piper down to her level and kissed her in the middle of the hallway completely surprising her.

Piper managed to pull herself back and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. She glanced up in time to see a very pissed off looking Morello turning away from them. Nicky had told Piper that she sorted everything out with the other woman, but to Piper, it didn't look like it.  
For the most part, Nicky had tried her best to keep her and Piper's relationship under wraps and not being too conspicuous in front of the short brunette, but apparently she had just thrown that notion to the wind.

They got to the rec room and were seated next to each other near the back while the movie played because they both knew they wouldn't be watching it.  
Nicky spent most of the time kissing as much of Piper as she could reach without being too 'obnoxious' as Piper had put it. Piper had tried to watch the movie at first, but Nicky was way too distracting so she gave up.

Lorna, Boo and Red were sat on the opposite side of the room and a few rows forwards.

Piper noticed Morello watching them a few times while they were there. She tried to ignore her, but she could only imagine what the brunette was thinking.

At one point Piper felt Nicky's hand on her chin forcing her to break her gaze with Morello to look at her, but as soon as Nicky kissed her she forgot what she was thinking. She glanced back in time to see Morello walk past them quickly.

Red had turned in her seat and followed Morello with her eyes before Nicky could catch her gaze.

Nicky gestured in a question of where Morello went but Red just shrugged and turned back to the movie. Piper knew, though.

"I'll be right back" Piper whispered lightly pushing Nicky away from her so she could get up.  
Nicky raised an eyebrow at her. 'Bathroom' Piper mouthed and Nicky nodded.

She entered the bathroom and found exactly what she was expecting: a red-eyed, sobbing Morello.

"Are you alright?" Piper asked even though it was obvious the answer was no.

"Get the fuck away from me Chapman!" Lorna shouted, her sobs distorting her speech.

"I know, I'm the last person you want to see. You feel like I took Nichols from you" Piper stated knowingly, as she came to lean on the counter near the crying woman.

"Are you here to tell me I'm wrong!?" She questioned harshly.

Piper shook her head. "No, I'm not. I'm not going to tell you that because you wouldn't believe me."

The shorter woman shook her head and wiped her eyes. "So what do you want to say then?" Piper could tell the other woman was trying way too hard to act normal and it wasn't working very well.

"I know what you're going through, I know how it is to lose someone you love, even if you won't admit it" Piper thought of how hurt Alex looked when she had said goodbye in Paris, and how much worse she looked worse when Piper had last seen her a month ago, and it was her fault.

"Yeah, but you don't have to watch that person with one of your friends!" Lorna snapped, and Piper had to agree, she didn't have to watch Alex get off with one of her friends, and she never wanted to, that would be awful and she didn't know how she would handle it. Probably not much better than Morello was, in fact, she might be worse, she didn't know. It made her feel guilty for her relationship with Nicky, not just for Morello's sake, but if Alex ever came back and found out, she would be devastated.  
She shook that thought from her head as fast as she could, she broke up with Alex, she could do whatever she wanted without having to think of Alex's feelings all the damn time. But she would still, and that was something that probably wouldn't change.

"Hey, listen" Piper put a hand on Lorna's shoulder. "Nichols is convinced that your true love is Christopher and she didn't want to come in between that," Piper explained. "She settled for me for now, but I know how she looks at you and I can see how she acts around you, she still loves you"

Lorna scoffed at her. "So what, you here to remove the competition?!"

Piper was surprised she would jump to that conclusion, Piper wouldn't hurt anyone. "No, I'm not going to hurt you or threaten you. I'm here because I get it, I understand" Piper said softly. "She's not over you and that's okay, I'm not over Alex yet," Lorna looked up at her quizzically.

"Are you sure?" Lorna sniffled.

"That we are both caught up on our respective exes? Yes, I have no doubt about Nicky's feelings for you" Piper said and sighed. "Look, this is obviously an issue that we are gonna have to fix before any of us can move on so I tell you what"

"What?"

"I'm leaving tomorrow morning, I'm being transferred to Chicago for a trial." The brunette's eyes widened.

"You're leaving?"

"I will probably be back within two weeks, but I might not be back at all. So here's the thing," She knew she was doing Morello and Nicky a favor, she just hoped it wouldn't completely backfire on her. "You and Nicky talk it out while I'm gone, fix this fucked up situation we have right now, Nicky knows I'm all for whatever she wants so don't worry about it," Piper explained.

"What are you gonna do about Alex?" Lorna asked.

"Uh, well I'll have to talk to her, or listen to her, I don't really know about that aspect of things, all I know is that if I come back we'll go from there if not then there's nothing to worry about," Piper said and was caught off guard when the smaller woman threw her arms around Piper, tightly hugging her.

"Thank you, Chapman, you aren't so bad," Lorna said.

"Chapman! Morello! What the fuck are you doing?!" Nicky stood there completely stunned at the sight before her. Simultaneously Piper and Lorna pushed each other away at the sound of Nicky's voice. "Are you cheating on me with my ex, Chapman, really?!" Nicky hissed.

Piper paled slightly, she didn't know how to explain this, it wasn't what Nicky thought at all. "No, Nicky, I wouldn't, you know that!"

"Nothing happened honestly! She just gave me some good advice about Christopher, you know he's really a pain in the ass to deal with sometimes" Lorna made it up.

"Bullshit!" Nicky exclaimed and Piper still couldn't come up with anything to say.

"Just because she's your girlfriend doesn't mean she can't be my friend too Nicky!" Lorna argued in her defense.

"Jesus Christ, what the actual fuck you guys?!" Nicky cursed as she turned to walk right back out.

"Nicky wait!" Piper called after her.

"Fuck that, I-I can't deal with this right now" Nicky stated. "Have a fucking blast in Chicago!" Nicky stormed out of there and Piper was sure she could almost see the smoke coming out of her ears.

"Fuck" Was all Piper could say.

"Does that change things?" Morello asked blankly from beside her obviously too stunned as well.  
Piper glanced down at her and sighed. "No, you still need to sort things out," Piper said. "Maybe it'd be better if I didn't come back, I wonder if I can make that happen somehow?" She asked aloud but it was more or less to herself.

Lorna gasped. "Of course, you have to come back! You have friends here,"

Piper would have laughed if she hadn't seen the sincere expression on Lorna's face. "Thanks, but my friends don't last long apparently,"

Piper muttered as she walked away, looking forward more and more to leaving in the morning. "Goodnight Morello,"

"Goodnight Chapman," She heard Lorna call after her.

She was so deep in thought about her trip to Chicago that she didn't even remember walking all the way to her cube.

She had no idea what to expect, she was afraid to see Alex again, and she wasn't sure if she wanted Nicky to be there when she left or not. Maybe she could find a way for the guards to take her away without Nicky knowing, she thought.

She spent a few minutes in her cube tidying up everything. She put her books in order and straightened out her clothes.  
She changed into her pajamas and slipped into her bed, calling it an early night hoping she would be able to sleep.  
She wasn't that lucky. She laid there for what felt like hours. The lights were still on so she put on a makeshift sleep mask, but it didn't help all the noise of everyone when they came back from the movie. She rolled over facing the wall and tried to ignore them all. Needless to say, it didn't work.

"Chapman" She heard Nicky's voice. She didn't know whether or not she should answer. She wasn't mad at Nicky or anything, she just wanted to sleep and get to Chicago already. "Hey Chapman," Nicky said again.

Piper couldn't help it, she pulled off her sleep mask and looked up to see Nicky leaning over the wall of her cube.

"Have you heard of letting a sleeping dog lie? What do you want?" Piper asked a little harsher than she intended. "How was the rest of the movie, I missed the end"

"I don't even know what movie it was, I didn't go back" Nicky raised an eyebrow at her.

Piper just looked at her. "Oh- well what were you going to say that was so important?"

"Oh- um I need to apologize," Nicky said letting her gaze fall to the floor.

"Come here" Piper beckoned. "For what?" Piper said finally starting to feel tired, but she sat up anyways allowing Nicky to sit next to her.

"For earlier, I just really don't want you to go" Nicky mumbled softly.

"There's nothing to forgive, Nic," Piper said, placing a soft kiss on her cheek. "I'm sure I'll be back, just try and sort yourself out while I'm gone, alright?"  
Nicky nodded.

"Go on, go get some sleep" Piper nudged her lightly.

"Yeah alright, sorry I woke you," Nicky said as she moved to leave.

"I wasn't sleeping" Piper grinned.

"Fuck Chapman, I thought you were" Nicky smirked.

"I'm a good actress," Piper swished her hair over her shoulder. "What can I say"

"Sure whatever, goodnight Chapman" Nicky threw over she shoulder as she walked away.

This time, when Piper tried to sleep she had less trouble.

* * *

There was a banging on her door. She hadn't been asleep, she was too busy trying to figure out how she should use the rest of her dinner in the artwork she was making on the gray wall by her bed.

"Vause, come" The guard spoke as if she was a dog.

"Hey, buddy, look. I didn't finish my art, so you're just gonna have to come back later" Alex snapped.

The man chuckled. "That's not art"

Alex balled her hands into fists. "That's not for you to decide. I say it's art, so it's art. Got it"

"Whatever, go to the bathroom now, you're leaving," The guard said before handcuffing her.

"Leaving? You mean back to camp?" Alex asked following the man out of the small room and eventually to the outside. She took a deep breath of the outside air, she didn't realize how much she missed it.

It was dark out and she found herself wondering if it was morning or night as she was being led to a van.

"Hey, you!" She said to get a guard's attention. "Where are we going?!"

"Away" was his only answer and apparently her bewildered expression was humorous to the other guards.  
They piled her into the van and drove a short ways until they pulled up to MAX where an ominous-looking prison bus was being loaded with prisoners.

The bus was seemed to be separated into three sections. The back, secured behind a literal chain fence, seemed to be for the more dangerous or psychopathic people, but that was only an assumption based on the yelling that came from back there. Where Alex was, she assumed was for mildly dangerous criminals, based on the women near her. She didn't have a good view of the front but she figured the least dangerous women were up there with the guardsThe women she was next to looked just as clueless as her so she didn't bother asking where they were going.

She probably wouldn't have admitted it, but she was mildly afraid of all this. She was so thankful to be out of the SHU, but this not knowing was killing her.

She sat in silence the entire way to wherever they were going. She tried to think of anything she could have done to have caused this to happen and the only thing she could think of was her fight with Doggett.

She wished Piper was there. The blonde was like a cure for any ailment she ever suffered. Just looking into her eyes would do it. She let her eyes close so she could try to imagine her face and her smile.

She must have dozed off because the next time she opened her eyes, the bus had stopped and people were getting off. She followed suit and got off the bus. The air was freezing. She was just happy she got a blanket, although her tight handcuffs made it hard to hold onto it. She looked around for the first time as she was filled into a long line of prisoners. They were at an airport, lining up to get on a plane. She did the drill without any problems, opening her mouth for the guards before she was allowed on the plane. She found her seat in between some women who were looking at her lustfully. She did her best to ignore them for the entire flight. She didn't want to talk and she didn't want to even think about where she was being taken. All her thoughts revolved around the blonde.

Piper was all she could think about. Giving herself the false hope that she would ever see Piper again was the only thing keeping her from breaking down right then and there. She was a strong person and she would just have to get through this.  
After a many long hours of silence, the plane landed and she was put on a bus with the other prisoners. She still didn't know where to. She didn't know anything.

She found herself wondering how Piper would have handled this. She almost laughed. If she was this scared, Piper would have broken down a long time ago, she thought, Piper was never very brave. After another few hours on a bus, she arrived at a large complex. She recognized the surrounding city as Chicago and she didn't have the faintest clue as to why they would bother sending her all the way there.

All the prisoners were all unloaded into the building and separated by their gender. Alex was searched and her fingerprints were taken before she was given a second set of clothes and a bed set.  
She hated how exhausting this whole experience was and no one could tell her why she was there.

She was directed into a cell with about four other people. One of them was a short African American woman, Danielle, two were Caucasian women, Carrie and Erin and then there was a girl who looked somewhat Hispanic, Sarah.

Alex took the bunk beneath the girl, deciding there was less of a chance that she was a murderer.

They had all introduced themselves but Alex didn't pay attention. She was too focused on the bug that crawled into the cell with a cigarette on its back.

"Looks like my sistas got a new 'Yoda' down in block A." The short Danielle said.

Alex eyed her curiously. "A new 'Yoda'? You mean the bug?"

"Yeah, they is always sendin smokes all over the place." The woman answered taking the cigarette and hiding it in her bunk. "They only send em over here when they is showin off. We've tried trainin them damn bugs but we ain't never found a smart one"

"Right, well, good luck with that" Alex stated turning to make her bed before she had to go anywhere else. Sarah was sitting on her own bed above Alex's with her knees pulled into her chest, and she was shaking her head at Alex, but before Alex could question her, one of the other women spoke up.

"You mean to wish yourself good luck gorgeous," Erin said coming to stand next to her. Too close for comfort, Alex thought. "You're the newbie, you gotta find us a smart bug so we can show them bitches in block A." Erin continued.

"You can't be serious" Alex rolled her eyes.

Without hesitation, Erin pulled Alex roughly by the shoulder and slammed her against the wall. "You will find us a bug, and you won't stop lookin till you find one!" Alex raised her hands in defeat, not wanting to be beaten to death on her first day.

"Fine, I'll find you a goddamned bug, now get off me!" She pushed the other woman roughly away from her.  
She was about to sit down by the cell door, but the door was opened and the others filed out into the hallway.

"Wait, where are we going?!" She asked the only person left in the cell.

"The yard, we get one hour" Sarah responded, walking next to her.

"Do I seriously have to find them a fucking bug?" Alex asked the teen.

"That depends, do you want to fight them?" The girl answered.

"Fuck" Alex cursed. She wished she knew why she was here. "Did you find them their bug?"

"I tried" Sarah tugged on her shirt revealing a purple bruise on her neck before she slipped on a jacket as they stepped outside.

"Shit" Alex rubbed her hands together, it was fucking cold out there. "Why're you here? You're like what? Seventeen?"

"I'm twenty-one" Sarah answered. "I robbed a place at gunpoint"

"Damn," The girl reminded Alex of some of the girls at Litchfield but they were into drugs, not robbery and definitely not guns.  
They walked around for most of the time not stopping to get cold.

"What about you?" Sarah looked up at her. "Why are you here? You kill someone?"

"Jesus, that's what people think when they see me?" Alex asked rhetorically. "Yeah, I think I did kill someone" She answered trying to recall that day. "I don't know if that lunatic died, but I was originally charged with drug trafficking"

"Shit, like what kind of drugs?" The girl asked.

"Heroin" Alex wasn't the one to tell that much about herself generally, but she needed to have at least one ally in this place, even if that person was practically a teenager.  
They were just about to head back inside because their hour was up when Alex saw someone she thought she'd never see again. She didn't even believe it was her.  
The woman in question was backing away from a fight between a few other prisoners.

"Hey, kid, who's the blonde over there?" Alex asked nodding in the woman's direction.

"Her, oh damn, I think I'd remember that one if I'd seen her before, she's lookin hot, even in all her prison get up" Sarah answered surprising Alex.

"But you see her right?!" Alex needed to know she wasn't hallucinating.

"Yeah that's some fine piece of ass too, I'll get her name, yeah?" Sarah sauntered over to the blonde leaving Alex standing there alone. Alex didn't dare move any closer for fear that the blonde may just disappear if she took her eyes off her for a second.

"Hey you, blondie!" Alex heard Sarah shout. She watched as her favorite blonde turned around questioningly towards the girl who approached her. Alex was too far away to hear their conversation, but the blonde's gaze shifted to her.

Alex couldn't believe her eyes, Piper was here, in the same prison as her. What was going on?

Sarah came back over to her and Piper was herded with the other prisoners from her unit against the wall after the fight was broken up.

"You know her, Piper Chapman?" Sarah asked as they walked away with their unit.

"Yeah, she was my girlfriend" Alex answered.

"Wow, you have good taste," Sarah said as she returned her jacket to the rack. "Though, she seems pissed at you"

Alex just looked at her skeptically still caught on the first part of what Sarah said. She was usually the one people lusted after like this, and Alex couldn't help but feel a little bit jealous. "You know she's practically fourteen years older than you right?"

Sarah shrugged. "What can I say, she's hot"

"Hey, you said she /was/ your girlfriend?" Sarah asked as they walked back to their cell.

"Yeah, she was" Alex recalled her time with Piper, but not their fight, just the time before then.

"Was she good?" That caught Alex way off guard.

"I-um yeah, she was the best," Alex said dreamily before snapping out of it. "Hey, don't get any ideas, she's into older people than you, she wouldn't go for it," Alex said warningly.

"Are you sure you aren't just getting protective of her?" Sarah teased.

"Fuck no, now get outta my way, I still have to find that fucking bug" Alex gestured for Sarah to move over so she could sit down by the door.

"Whatever," Sarah said nonchalantly sitting next to her.

"Hey, what unit was that outside with us?" Alex asked as she scanned the floor. "When do we see them again?"

"A and C were out there, but we won't see them again until next week. We only eat with B since we're in B." Sarah explained half-heartedly. "Oh, by the way, she wants to talk to you."

Alex looked up at her. "Who?"

"Piper Chapman, who else?" She answered. "She said to meet her during meal time or something, she's in unit A, so you'll have to wait until tomorrow after breakfast" Sarah shrugged.

"Fuck" Alex stated, she didn't want to wait.

* * *

Almost a 24 hours earlier at Litchfield:

"Chapman! Hey Chapman, wake up!" Nicky whispered shaking Piper lightly till she stirred.

"Huh? Wha-what is it?" Piper muttered really wishing to still be asleep.

"Get up and come with me" Nicky practically pulled her out of her bed. Piper's eyes stopped on the guard station, but the CO was sleeping in his chair.

"Nicky what are we doing?!" Piper hissed tiredly as she was practically dragged down the hall.  
They stepped into the nearest bathroom so they had a plausible excuse for being out of their bunks.

Piper yawned. "Nic, what are we doing, why aren't you asleep, what time is it?"

"It's four thirty," Nicky smirked. "I wanted to make sure we were good, last night you weren't too convincing"

"So you woke me up at four thirty to make sure I forgave you?" Piper asked skeptically. "Nicky for the last time, you thought you saw something else, it's okay, besides"

She took a step closer to her. "I like it when you're jealous" She purred.

"You are evil" Nicky grinned. "And that's what I like"

Piper was just thinking about kissing her when they were interrupted by the sound of heavy footsteps.

"Chapman!" It was C.O Bell who walked in.

Piper rolled her eyes. "Yes?"

"Come on you're leaving," The officer said tiredly.

Piper noticed the flash of pain that graced Nicky's features. "Okay, I'll just change into my day wear, shall I?"

Bell nodded. "Make it quick and Nichols..." She looked past Piper at the wild-haired woman who was just eyeing the officer carefully.

"Yeah?" Nicky shifted her weight uneasily between her feet.

"Go back to bed it's too fuckin early for this shit," Bell said before she left them alone again.

"Yeah, go back to bed Nichols, it's too fucking early for your shit" Piper repeated jokingly earning a punch in the arm.

"Fuck you" Nicky retorted.

Piper smirked and shook her head. "Not until I get back"

"If you get back" Nicky added sadly and before she could stop herself she found herself pulling Piper into a tight embrace. "I'll miss you"

"I'll miss you too" Piper murmured.

After a few moments, they returned to their cubes. CO Bell was waiting for them. Piper got changed and grabbed a few of her things to give to Nicky as she walked by her cube.  
"Hey, will you hold onto this stuff for me?" Piper asked.

"Yeah, only until you get back, though," Nicky said as she gave Piper one last hug.

"Okay, time to go, Chapman," CO Bell said ushering Piper away from Nicky. She waved one last time before she rounded a corner and was out of sight.

Piper wondered how this was all going to work. She assumed she'd be put on a plane or something. "So, what does this transportation entail?" She asked the CO carefully.

"You get in a van down to MAX, you'll get on a bus to the airport, you'll get on a plane, you'll land, you'll get on another bus, and you'll be held at the prison in Chicago until your trial" The CO stated flatly.

"Wait, how do you know this?" Piper asked she knew it was rarely the CO's job to know this sort of thing.

They stopped at the door and she was handcuffed, although rather loosely. When they walked outside, it was still very dark out and it was extremely cold.

"Mr. Healy told me to tell you if you asked, now get in the van," Piper did as she was told and climbed in. "See you in a few weeks, Chapman," The CO said as she shut the door.  
The van pulled away from camp only to stop shortly afterward down the hill.  
She shuddered at the sight of the bus that had already begun to be loaded with other prisoners. She was led out of the van and put on the bus. She was sat very near the front and had no desire to know what kind of people were sitting behind her. She was thankful that there were only a few people near her, and they appeared to be pretty nonviolent.  
She took comfort in knowing where she was going and why and let herself relax. She couldn't imagine being put on this bus with no idea why, she probably would have completely freaked out.  
The bus ride wasn't more than a couple hours when sure enough they stopped at an airport. She and the many other prisoners were unloaded from the bus and checked before being sent onto the plane.

She was seated towards the back, next to the aisle. On her left were two women, one with really short hair and the other with longer brown hair. The younger one wouldn't shut up, but thankfully for Piper, she fell asleep as soon as they took off.

Piper had kept her head down while they loaded the rest of the plane after her and now was just trying to ignore the men who were staring at her from quite a few rows ahead.  
She occupied herself by talking to the woman right next to her, who she learned was named Lolly. Piper thought she was pretty strange, but she was just thankful that Lolly didn't seem totally crazy or like a murderer.

Eventually, Piper let herself fall asleep, with all the commotion of the day before and Nicky waking her up so early, she was tired. She woke up hours later to find that she had fallen asleep on Lolly's shoulder. They landed only an hour later after that. She was put on the bus, thankfully near the front and next to Lolly.

When they arrived at the prison, check in was slow, long, and boring and she was separated from Lolly at that point.

She was given her cell assignment with unit A. Her cellmates should have scared her, but she knew it was only for a few days so she brushed them off and was lucky enough to not step on their pet roach.

She didn't know if she was lucky or unlucky that today was the day they were let outside in the yard. It was cold and she had no desire to get to know any more people here.

Her bunkies already creeped her out. She didn't know who she should have been more worried about, the woman with the strange horoscope obsession or the woman with the tattoos and her partner in the cigarette carrying roach business.

Unfortunately, for her when she went outside, she couldn't avoid talking to a group of older women who seemed generally nice at first...until Lilly came up to her. She had been generally pleased to see the other woman, but when the scuffle began there was nothing she could do, she wasn't a fighter, so she backed away careful not to get hit in the process.

She stopped to look around when she heard someone calling for a blonde person. She was blonde, could they be talking to her, she wondered.

"Hey you, Blondie!" It was a really young looking woman, definitely not older than twenty, Piper figured.

"Yeah?" Piper answered as the girl came closer to her.

"The name's Espinosa, Sarah," The girl said, and Piper eyed her carefully.

"Chapman, Piper," She replied this was all very strange.

"You lookin damn fine there Chapman," Sarah said eyeing her up and down again.

"Uh, thanks?" Piper was confused, but Sarah continued talking before she could even formulate a question.

"My friend over there thinks you're good fucking material too apparently" Sarah gestured behind her.

"Friend?" Piper looked past her and froze when she locked eyes with the raven-haired beauty she had tried so hard to forget. "Holy shit. Alex? Did she say that?! Well, I hope I was good enough fucking material for her!" Piper snapped catching poor Sarah off guard.

"Woah woah, you know each other?" Sarah asked but Piper could only shake her head to emotionally conflicted to say anything further, she just needed to back away and level her head.

"Uh, I have to go- tell her I need to speak with her, yeah? During a meal or something, tell her to come find me" Piper requested.

"Sure," Sarah said before she rejoined Alex. Piper backed away and joined her unit that was being forced against the wall. Her eyes never left Alex as the girl, Sarah had caught up with her and they walked away back to the building.

She wondered how Alex was doing for the rest of the evening and that was all she thought about, except for that comment by Sarah, which at a second glance was probably not something Alex would ever say to her. It didn't matter, though, all she could think about was Alex, and while she hoped to God that she'd get a chance to talk to her, she didn't know what she was going to say. She was just hoping for a chance.

* * *

 **A/N So, what have I done? I'm sure if you didn't like Nicky and Piper before, you are probably hating them now, but if you can manage it, stick around to see what happens with Piper and Alex in the coming chapters. I'm sure it'll be surprising.**

 **As always, thanks for reading and feel free to leave a review or PM me with any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or concerns, regarding this or upcoming chapters!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Who's excited about this Piper and Alex chapter?! Although, on that note, it is significantly shorter than the others, so I apologize. I hope it's alright, there are some sweet moments between them.**

 **Thank you to everyone who has read this far, and to all those who took the time to review, you're all amazing!**

 **Sorry about the last chapter, but you understand, some things had to happen. Also, for those of you who do enjoy the parts with Nicky, we'll see her again in the next chapter.**

 **Please enjoy!**

* * *

"Piper!" Alex said as loudly as she could to get the attention of the blonde without also getting the attentions of the guards.

Piper looked up from her tray of food to where Alex was standing on the other side of a set of thick bars.

She didn't bother excusing herself from the table with the other people from her cell and she didn't even finish eating. She cleared her tray and walked straight over to where Alex was.

"Alex? Alex how are you?" She asked softly.

"I don't know Pipes. It's so good to see you, but I don't know anymore. Why am I here, is it because I killed her?!" Alex asked hesitantly.

Piper just looked at her quizzically.  
"Kill who?"

"Doggett?! She's dead isn't she. I killed her" Alex jumped to that conclusion when Piper didn't answer immediately. Piper was worried for Alex's mental state, obviously, the SHU was not good for her. She was shocked though that she thought she actually killed someone.

"No Alex, no you didn't kill her. That piece of shit is very much still alive" Piper assured her. "You are many things Alex Vause, but murderess is not one of them"  
Piper was able to smile softly at how relieved Alex was to hear that.

"But- then why am I here? What did I do wrong? Why are you here?" Piper could tell Alex was clearly confused and it pained her.

"No, Alex listen to me, you didn't do anything wrong." Piper said gently but frowned when an expression of horror and shock crossed Alex's face.

"I don't remember everything, but you hate me. In all of this I forgot that you fucking hate me" Alex said breathlessly, sounding defeated and it tore at Piper's heart remembering that she said those things to her. "But you're talking to me, why?" Alex asked cautiously.

"I don't hate you Alex. I could never hate you," Piper assured her, taking Alex's hand through the bars as if that gesture could make her believe it. "Let's just say I'm not holding any grudges right now" Piper smiled at her. "I missed you"

"God I missed you too, you have no idea," Alex said as she looked intently into Piper's eyes as if searching for any signs of dishonesty. "So why are we here then?"

"We're here for the trial." Piper explained and she watched the wheels turning in Alex's head as she tried to comprehend the new information.

"What trial?" Alex raised her eyebrow at her.

"Kubra's. He's been extradited, and he's being put on trial, we're here so they can establish a timeline" Piper continued.

"So this - this is only temporary?!" Alex said, releasing Piper's hand and gesturing around them. "I'm so relieved, I don't think I can stand my cell mates for much longer. You know that girl, Sarah, has a major crush on you apparently" Alex practically shuddered and Piper just laughed. "It's not funny. It's fucking annoying. I even told her you were my girlfriend at one point and you know what? She fucking asked me how good you were as if she had a chance." Piper could see how annoyed Alex was by this and it was honestly one of the funniest things she has ever heard Alex get upset over.

"Well, I hope you said I was the best. Yesterday she told me you _both_ thought I looked like good 'fucking material'. Those were her words" Piper smirked. "Do you want to deny that?"

"I don't think so, but I might have to kill her now," Alex joked.

"My bunkies are worse than yours, it sounds like. One of them takes four shits a day," Alex looked at her in disbelief. "Yes, four. She and her tattooed friend have a fucking roach business, of sending smokes all over this place. And don't even get me started on the horoscope fanatic. I woke up last night and she was there. She licked my face when I wouldn't give her my birth information. She's a fucking lunatic, at least, your friend has something in common with you" Piper ranted. Her bunkies were so strange, no wonder they were in prison.

"Jesus, your bunkie licked you?" Alex asked incredulously.

"Yeah, it was nasty. Although I guess, if you include her and your bunkie, that makes you, _not_ the only one who wanted to know what I taste like," Piper chuckled and she would have sworn she saw a hint of jealousy in Alex's eyes, but she made no comment.

Alex rolled her eyes and caught a glimpse of something on the floor.  
"Shit, Piper get that!" It was a roach.

"What?" Piper didn't understand.

"The bug, get the fucking bug!" Alex pointed through the bars at the bug by Piper's feet.

"Wow, the SHU really did a number on you," Piper said as she moved to pick up the bug.

"My other bunkies are gonna beat me up if I don't bring them a fucking bug. Apparently they're in competition with your tattooed friend." Alex explained as she took the bug from Piper. "So when's the trial?"

"Now I guess" Piper shrugged. She had already called her lawyer and he had said he would be by to talk to her later today, all she had to do was wait.

"Look we have to lie. We don't know Kubra, we never fucking met him," Alex said deadly serious. She knew how this would go if they did anything other than lie. "Revenge is part of his business model and he will kill us if we testify against him!" Alex said adamantly. "There is no justice here, you know that by now, so we will lie to protect ourselves!"

"What? Lie, under oath? Do you want more time?!" Piper countered. She didn't like the idea of having an extended sentence. Her sentence was so short compared to many others' anyways, she didn't need it to be longer.

"Fuck, it's so hard to tell what's black and white with you! Yes, I'd rather have more time than be dead! And you should too!" Alex snapped making Piper flinch. She regretted being so harsh, but there was a time and place for honesty, and against Kubra, when their lives were at stake, the truth wasn't an option.

Piper shook her head. She remembered flashes of their last argument and she didn't want to relive it. Piper broke up with her, not even mostly because Alex didn't take her back right away. She broke up with Alex because she lied to her. Alex had lied right to her face and yet she wondered what was wrong between them. Piper couldn't trust her, and here she was suggesting they lie under oath! How fucking predictable! Piper thought furiously.

Piper could feel the anger rising in her and she wanted to walk away from Alex on better terms right now. She didn't want Alex to be mad at her, although it seemed she already was. Piper was upset too and she desperately didn't want to say anything she might regret. "Alex, I have to go," She said flatly. She was about to leave when she felt Alex grab her hand through the bars.

"Piper wait!" Alex needed her to stay. She didn't want to say goodbye yet.

Piper glanced down at Alex's hand on her wrist and back up to meet her gaze. All of her anger dissipated at Alex's warm touch and it was too much for her. "I'm so sorry Alex."

Alex let go of her more out of confusion than that she actually wanted to, and she regretted it. "For what?"

Piper took a step back, and Alex suddenly felt like they were miles away. "For everything- I'm sorry for everything. I-I really have to go" Piper could feel tears in her eyes, she wanted to get away before Alex could see that, but of course, she did.

"Piper wait, why are you crying?" Alex asked feeling completely helpless on the other side of the thick prison bars.

"Alex, I can't. I'll see you later, we can talk about whatever you want then," Piper just shook her head and took another step back. "It was so good to see you again," with that Piper walked away leaving Alex alone and still mildly confused. What just happened? She wondered.

She still had the bug in her hands and realized she had to get back to her cell.

* * *

"Here. Here's your damn roach, have fun playing with it" Alex spat as she handed over the bug before going to sit down on her bed.

After a moment, she saw Sarah peer over the edge of her bed down at her. "You talk to your girl?"

"Yeah," She answered unenthusiastically.

"So - how'd it go?" Sarah asked.

"Well, now I know why we're here," Alex said coolly.

Sarah raised an eyebrow at her. "You didn't know why you were transferred?" Alex shook her head. "That's rough. But how bout her? She take you back?"

Alex really wished the girl would stop asking her about Piper, it was bad enough that their relationship was complicated and she couldn't spend enough time with the blonde to figure it out, but she didn't want to have to deal with this too. "Not exactly. I don't know, she said she was sorry and that she missed me, but..." She trailed off.

Sarah just looked at her. "But what?"

"But I don't think she trusts me" Alex grudgingly answered, not really wanting the face the actual problem herself, let alone say it out loud. Saying it out loud made it real.

"Do you want her back?" Sarah continued her questioning.

"What?"

"You must care for her still, to be this beat up over it. Do you want her back?" She repeated.

"Yeah, more than anything" Alex muttered with realization.

"Then prove she can trust you. Do something that would make it impossible for her to question you," Sarah suggested and Alex just eyed her questioningly. The girl couldn't hold her head upside down anymore so she got up and climbed down to sit next to Alex.

"Why are you telling me this?" Alex was skeptical. What the girl was saying made sense, but Alex didn't know what she could do.

"Eh, it's what I'd do, besides I don't stand a chance against her ex, especially not someone like you" Sarah shrugged. "If you can't beat em join em, right?"

"Yeah I guess," Alex agreed. "What am I going to do?!" She let her head fall into her hands.

* * *

"You better be watchin where you're walkin blondie!" One of Piper's bunkies snapped at her as she almost stumbled over the cardboard maze they used for training the bugs.

"Jeez, sorry" Piper rolled her eyes, she really didn't want to deal with her insane bunkies at the moment, she was still trying to process everything with Alex. She went to lay down. She really needed to be alone, but that wasn't an option, so she just laid there facing the wall.

She thought about how much power she still held over Alex and it scared her, but it scared her even more how much power Alex had over her. She thought about how surprisingly easy it was to break such a confident person and she had done it so many times by now. It was miraculous the raven-haired woman would even talk to her anymore.

The way Alex looked at her when she walked away less than an hour ago was torture of the worst kind. It made her feel so guilty. Alex deserved better than her and would be better off as far away from her as possible.

She let herself fall asleep. She dreamt of returning hand in hand with Alex to where Nicky was happily engaged to Lorna and everything was as it should have been. Until it wasn't. Alex left her for someone who looked just like her but without any of the WASPy, narcissistic, bitchy, and manipulative character flaws that Piper had. Nicky and Lorna broke up and she was blamed for it, and there was no one left on her side. She was all alone and that scared the hell out of her.

She woke with a start. The horoscope fanatic was shaking her lightly. "Chapman, wake up!"

She blinked a few times and sighed in relief that it was only a dream, but she couldn't shake the helpless feeling even after she got up. "What, what is it?!"

"Chapman! Come on!" A guard commanded from the door of the cell. Obviously, they were taking her somewhere, probably to see her lawyer.

She followed the C.O down the halls before she was led to a room with a table and chairs. Her lawyer, Larry's father, was seated when she was brought in.

"Hello Mr. Bloom, it's so good to see you, how are you?" Piper greeted simply.

"I've been better, and yourself?" He asked gruffly just for the sake of asking. Piper could tell her didn't really care, although he did hand her a cup of coffee made exactly the way she liked it, for which she was eternally grateful.

"I'm fine I think, um, how's Larry?" She dared to ask, she knew it was probably a sensitive topic but she had to ask, she did feel a smidgen guilty for the way she broke up with him.

The man sighed. "Thankfully he found someone new and is no longer moping around like a lost, beaten, puppy!"

Piper kept her eyes focused on her coffee. "Uhm. I'm glad - so uh, what do I need to do? For the trial?" She needed to change the subject as fast as possible.

"Right," He opened a binder that held all sorts of papers. "Kubra Balik, did you know him?"

Piper grimaced and tried to come up with a way to get out of answering. "Uhm, it's complicated, it was so long ago"

"I know, but my question is fairly simple. Did you ever meet Kubra Balik?" He asked again. "You need to tell the truth, he will be put away no matter what, but they need your statements."

"My family never really cared if we told the truth, it wasn't important as long as we all smiled for the Christmas photo," She recalled solemnly.

"Yes well, I'd advise you not to continue your family tradition here. This is a matter of the law, and you will be under oath when they question you," He said seriously. "So I'll ask you again, did you ever meet Kubra Balik?"

She nodded grudgingly. "Yes, he was Alex's boss. She introduced us,"

"Did you ever hear him give orders to his subordinates?" He continued.

"Occasionally he would get phone calls, or he would straight up tell Alex to get something done. I never really paid attention." She answered thoughtfully. She was not a fan of telling the truth about this. It scared her because she didn't want Kubra to send someone after her. She didn't want to die for this, although the more she thought about it, maybe it would be okay if she did, because then Alex would still be in prison and safe from Kubra, and she would be no one's problem anymore. She was starting to like the sound if this.

They went on for a few more minutes while she answered every question as best and as detailed as she could, before they went to meet the prosecution.

She was offered a plea deal for if she testified against Kubra in front of an open court. She agreed and let them question her. She answered all of the questions as truthfully as possible. She thought about Alex going through this process and how different her answers would have been. Alex was right, though, it was better for her to be alive and in prison than free and dead, which was why Piper was telling the truth.

* * *

"Vause!" A guard yelled from the door interrupting Alex's self-loathing. "Come with me"

She didn't argue and just followed them down the corridor until they stopped outside an interrogation room.

The door opened and she was met with the bright blue gaze of her favorite blonde. "Piper?" She said slightly confused, but happy to see her none the less.

"Hi Alex," Piper said softly as she was pushed past her by a guard, "I'm sorry," the blonde said over her shoulder as Alex was led into the room with the prosecutors. Alex didn't have time to think of what Piper meant before the door was shut behind her and the people in front of her started asking her questions.

They offered her the same deal they offered Piper and she was persuaded to take it. She answered all of their questions honestly, she didn't have to think at all. If she told the truth Piper would have no reason not to trust her even though then Kubra would be after them both. But not if she could convince Piper to lie still. Even though she was planning on telling the truth, Piper didn't know that. If Piper lied she, at least, wouldn't be in danger because of Kubra. And if she told the truth, then maybe Piper could trust her again. It was the best plan she had, there was no other way to keep Piper safe, she would just have to be very persuasive.

She finished up with the prosecutors and led back to her cell to rest before the trial the next day. It was going to be a long night, she thought.

She held herself together as best as she could as she tried to sleep. It wasn't easy. She was thinking about Piper, and the trial, and facing down her old boss. It was almost too much, but eventually, she fell into a dreamless, restless sleep.

When she woke up she was able to go to breakfast. When she entered the dining area she found Piper eating alone. They must have let her eat early so she could make it to the trial.

"Mind if I sit here?" Alex asked as she sat down across from the blonde, not even waiting for a reply.

Piper just looked up at her, she had to, at least, try to pretend she was okay. "What if I would have said no?"

"Then I would have had to fight you," Alex countered playfully. "good thing you didn't, right?"

"Yeah, good thing" Piper muttered distractedly.

"You alright Pipes?" Alex asked softly taking Piper's hand making the blonde instantly look up at her.

"Yeah, I-I'm just thinking about the trial" It was clear to Alex that wasn't it, but she didn't know how much to push her before she should leave it.

"Are you sure?" Alex asked carefully.

Truthfully, no, Piper wanted to say, but she didn't. She couldn't bring herself to tell Alex what was really wrong. She was tired and she had spent the entire night awake. She couldn't stop herself from wishing she was back at Litchfield, surrounded by the people she had come to know.

She missed Nicky's running commentary and all of her emotional support during her rough times. And she felt guilty for leaving Nicky like that, but at least, she had Lorna and people she knew, still.

She missed Lorna's constant obsession with her fiancée. She missed Red's Russian accent and her fiery red hair. She missed Gloria's cooking, as bad as the prison food was. She missed listening to Taystee and Poussey's imitations of the white upper class. Dare she even think it, she almost, almost, missed hearing Doggett rant about God. She missed the yard, the chicken, and even the C.O's she loved to hate.

She had only been in Chicago for a few days and she realized how much she had gotten used to Litchfield, but the thing, the person she missed most of all was with her. She missed Alex. She felt like they were never further away from each other than they were right then, and there was nothing she could do about it. The damage was done, and in her mind, there was nothing she could do. The guilt that she carried with her for what she did to Alex was mind numbing.

She held onto Alex's hand for dear life, but it didn't help. "Yeah, I just- uh, I don't-" She gave up trying to explain herself. "There's nothing I can say that will make it better" Piper mumbled.

Alex just looked at her with a gentle gaze. "Make what better, Pipes?"

Piper shook her head and retracted her hand. "Nothing," She said quickly. "I can hardly wait for the trial," She said changing her expression to make herself look happier than she felt. Alex didn't buy it, but she knew Piper wasn't going to tell her so she let it go for the moment.

"I don't want to talk about that right now," Alex said. "Catch me up on the latest Litchfield news, I want to know everything" Alex grinned, but Piper grimaced letting Alex know this was somewhat of a sore subject for the blonde and she wondered why.

"Um, nothing too exciting happened," Piper said unenthusiastically. "Red's still out of the kitchen, Nicky was having more relationship issues, and it's been pretty quiet recently" Piper elaborated vaguely.

"What kind of issues?" Alex asked curiously.

"Oh, she just can't make up her mind I guess. She's still in love with Morello for sure, but she's in deep with her denial," Piper explained. "Having had quite enough experience with that, I offered her my advice before I left," Piper commented peeking Alex interest so much that she zoned out of what Piper said next. "Let's see, Doggett came back a few times from SHU and was fucking annoying as always, but you should have seen her." Piper laughed lightly. "You knocked out all of her fucked up teeth, listening to her preach now is hilarious. She isn't all there, not that she ever was, but she is definitely more messed up in her tiny brain than before, I think." Piper said thoughtfully.

"What'd you tell her?" Alex asked.

"Who? Doggett? Nothing I avoid her as much as humanly possible" Piper chuckled but frowned when Alex didn't even grin.

"Nicky? What'd you tell her before you left?" Alex asked seriously.

"Oh, um I told her she needed to talk her problems out with her ex, Morello before she should start dating someone new. Get her out of her system so to speak. It's obvious Nicky still has a soft spot for her, and if she can't work things out then she won't be able to move on." Piper explained somewhat. It's basically what happened.

"Why would you tell her that? If she loves Lorna, then why would she want to be done with her?" Alex questioned, and she had a feeling this was closer to Piper than the blonde was letting on.

"She told me she wanted to move on, she was sick of how much control Morello had over her I guess. So, if she really wants to move on, and be happy about it, she has to work things out with Morello." Piper said mindlessly playing with her food. "If she can, then things should be over between them forever, but if she finds she can't, then, at least, she is face to face with it," Piper said, and to Alex it sounded more like Piper wasn't just talking about Nicky and Lorna. It sounded more personal, like this conversation with her was Piper trying to let her go, forever and she didn't want that.

"Is that what this is? Why you left abruptly yesterday? Why you seem like you're trying so hard to be fine with talking to me?" Alex asked hesitantly and Piper looked perplexed. "Is this where you finally 'get me out of your system' so to speak, so you can finally move on?" Piper just looked at her blankly for a moment and Alex couldn't hold her gaze.

Piper shook her head. "Alex, look at me." Alex did. "That isn't even a possibility, I couldn't get rid of you if I wanted to, and I don't. There is nothing I want less than that"

Alex silently sighed in relief, but she didn't miss the sad tone in Piper's voice and she wondered why.

"Uh, that's it, all that happened," Piper said and Alex could tell she was lying.

"Really? How was it for you?" Alex asked.

"Fine. I was fine. Once I got better, the time just went by. I didn't even have time to think really." Piper said convincingly.

"I'm glad, you didn't get too lonely did you?" Alex raised her eyebrow at her questioningly.

Piper shook her head. "Don't worry about that. I lived. You had it worse," Piper deflected.

"So? it was better me in the SHU than you," Alex smiled softly but Piper grimaced, clearly she did not agree but they didn't have time to argue it before a guard came up to them and told them they were being transferred to the courthouse for the trial.

They were loaded onto into a van and chained to the seat across from each other.

"About the trial, are you seriously going to tell the truth?! Do you know what will happen?!" Alex whispered although concern and frustration were evident in her tone.

Piper nodded. "Alex I have to."

"No Piper you don't. You have a choice." Alex objected. "If you tell the truth he will kill you!"

"Have you heard of witness protection?" Piper countered.

Alex rolled her eyes. "Of course, but do you think that will stop him?"

Piper shrugged. "I have to trust the system."

"Fuck that. You know he is never going down for this, and he will send someone after you!" Alex snapped. She checked to make sure the guards in the front weren't listening before she spoke again. "Piper please, you have to lie. We'll both get sent back to Litchfield and we'll be safe." Alex said as persuasively as possible and it looked like Piper was actually considering it for a moment, but she wasn't looking at her. "I want to be your prison wife."

Piper rolled her eyes and lifted her gaze to meet Alex's. "At least, you can still make jokes." She scoffed.

Alex was hurt that she didn't believe her. "Pipes, I'm serious. I love you, and lying is the only way I can protect you!"

"I like how you slipped that in there, very clever of you," Piper said. "I love you too, but honestly Alex, you can't protect me either way," Piper's eyes were soft and filled with sadness and Alex just wished she could see the brightness in them again. "I'm sorry Alex. I really am, for everything" Piper added so quietly Alex could barely hear her.

"It's okay Pipes, me too" Alex responded just as quietly.

They felt the van stop and they were led into the large building. They were sat across from each other while they waited for the trial to start. They were silent, occasionally looking at up at each other.

"Do whatever you have to do, I don't blame you," Alex whispered as they came to take Piper into the room.

"I love you" Piper smiled gently and without another glance in Alex's direction, she was led into the courtroom.

She looked around and immediately spotted Kubra watching her intently. She tried to avoid looking at him and instead focused on her lawyer.

"Please state your name for the record," The prosecutor said.

"Piper Elizabeth Chapman" She spoke into the microphone in front of her.

"You are currently serving time for crimes committed a decade ago?" The prosecutor wanted it confirmed.

"Crime. It was just one crime, ten years ago" She corrected.

"Right of course, at that time, your partner was Ms. Vause, what was your relationship like?" He asked.

"I loved her. She was my girlfriend." She answered.

"And are you two still a couple?" He continued.

"No, we are not," She said sadly.

"But at that time you were. Were you aware of her occupation?"

"Yes," She said grudgingly.

"At any point did she ever introduce you to her boss, Mr. Balik?" He asked evenly, but his tone scared her. She dared a glance at Kubra and he was watching her, but his gaze didn't scare her as much as the prosecutor's.

Here it goes, she thought.

* * *

 **A/N So this isn't completely cannon as you have probably already noticed, so let's see what happens from here. What did you think? Good, bad? Feel free to let me know what you think and if there's anything I can do to make it better going forward.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N Sorry about the short wait, I was a little conflicted about what I wanted to happen, but I think what I decided on finally is alright and probably could be worse.**

 **Thank you as always for the wonderful reviews, you all are amazing.**

 **This chapter picks up right where the last one left off, so please enjoy!**

* * *

"Yes," Piper stated firmly. She had to tell the truth, there was no other option for her, not even for Alex. She desperately wanted to lie to be with Alex but she couldn't, not about this. Kubra needed to go away forever. "Alex introduced us, and I heard him give orders to her all the time,"

The prosecutor looked smug, but Kubra was just watching her, his expression unchanged. He appeared to be intrigued by something and Piper found that odd.

"You're positive it was Mr. Balik?" The prosecutor asked.

She glanced at the defendant again, gaining eye contact with him as she answered confidently. "Yes. Kubra Balik is the cartel kingpin who hired my ex-girlfriend to be a drug importer," She turned her attention back to the prosecutor.

"Is there anything else you'd like to add?" The prosecutor asked, somewhat satisfied with Piper's response.

"I didn't pay attention to what he did, or when he did it. I was there for Alex. She was what, no, she was who I paid attention to. I was there for her. I loved her and still love her with everything that I am," She stated. "Kubra, the cartel, the destinations, the drugs, it was all background. I was there for her and only her. Sorry, I can't help you more," Piper explained, relieved to have been able to tell the truth, but disappointed that Alex was undoubtedly still going to lie.

* * *

Meanwhile outside the courtroom...

Alex was sitting, straining to hear what was going on behind the closed doors, but it was no use, the room was sound proof.

She leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. She willed herself to have to courage to tell the truth under Kubra's gaze. She knew it would be hard, she wondered if Piper was able to do it, although it would be easier for her, she had no idea what Kubra was capable of.

She heard footsteps approach her and she looked up as a guard approach her. She sighed and moved to stand up, assuming it was her turn to speak.

"Stay seated Ms. Vause, Kubra sends his regards," The man said handing her a slip of paper and waited for her to read it.

She looked down at the scrap of paper on her hands.

 _Tell the truth and the blonde will pay the price for your mistake_

She looked back up at the man who gave it to her, definitely one of Kubra's recruits.

"One more thing Ms. Vause, we will be keeping a _very_ close eye on your beloved while you finish your sentence, just in case you get any ideas," With that the man left her.

Her breath caught in her throat. She couldn't breathe. Kubra was threatening Piper to get leverage over her, and there was no way she could tell the truth now.

She barely had a chance to catch her breath again before a new guard came to get her. She had to lie.

She was led into the courtroom, to the place where Piper had previously occupied.

"Please state your full name for the record," The prosecutor said as soon as she sat down, but she was hardly listening. She glanced around the room, Kubra was grinning. Obviously, he could tell his plan was working.

"Um, Alexandra Vause," She said hesitantly.

"Ms. Vause, it is my understanding that you are currently serving time for crimes in connection to Mr. Balik's organization, is that correct?" The prosecutor continued.

"No. I-I'm serving time for drug smuggling as part of a cartel, I don't know this man, he wasn't my boss," Alex denied as convincingly as she could, but she doubted she would have been able to convince even a child with that statement.

"Ms. Vause, you are aware you are under oath?"

She nodded slowly. "Yes, I know that,"

"Right, so if you didn't ever meet Mr. Balik, who were you working for?" The prosecutor asked.

"I don't recall," She answered. That was how she answered every question from that point on. She wasn't allowed to remember, not if she ever wanted to see Piper again.

When the prosecutor had had enough of her evading his questions and denying having ever met Kubra, she was taken off the stand and led away to a holding cell where she waited.

She didn't know if at this point it would have been better that Piper lied or not. If she lied, they'd be sent back to prison together, but they'd both be in prison. Though if she told the truth, Piper would be free, but Kubra may try to kill her. There was no winning this situation.

After a few minutes of silence, she heard a familiar voice. She looked up to see her favorite blonde dressed in everyday clothes instead of her prison uniform. Alex should have been happy for her, but all she felt was anger that the prospect of being safe with her in prison was worse than being free and probably dead.

"Piper?" She said quietly, but getting the blonde's attention right away. Piper's lawyer stood to the side, but Piper told him to give her a minute, as she approached the cell.

"Al, I couldn't do it, I couldn't lie. Now, at least, you're safe," Piper said softly.

"You bitch!" Alex snarled. "He will kill you no matter what! And now I've probably got added time!"

Piper flinched and took a step away from her. "You knew what you were doing. You had a choice, and I told you what I was going to do. So don't blame me for what you did when I gave you plenty of warning," Piper stated flatly. Alex just glared at her, she didn't actually have a choice, but then again Piper didn't know that.

"Your life is waiting, why are you still here?!" Alex asked impatiently as if she really wanted Piper to leave. She didn't, but right now she wasn't thinking clearly.

"I could write and visit," Piper suggested hopefully after a moment of silence, even though she knew it was a lost cause right now.

"Don't bother, you made your choice," Alex snapped.

Piper's eyes hardened at that, and she was no longer trying to hide her frustration with the situation. "Fuck you Alex. I've made plenty of choices, and so did you, but this..." She gestured to the area around them. "This trial wasn't about us. The choice I made wasn't about us, but that doesn't matter anymore obviously. You chose this,"

Piper turned to walk away, considering whether or not to say goodbye.

Alex said nothing as she watched the blonde get further and further away from her, but Piper stopped and looked up at her one last time, speaking so quietly, Alex could barely hear her. "You know the funny thing is, is that I thought things were getting better between us since we got here, for a moment, I thought we could fix things. How wrong was I? How foolish was I? This can never be fixed if I'm the only one who tries," She looked away again. "Goodbye Alex" She didn't want to say it because saying goodbye feels like an ending, and Piper didn't want whatever they had to end, but she couldn't help it if Alex didn't feel that way too. So she said it for what she feared was the last time as she finally walks away.

Alex was left standing there in her holding cell, surrounded by silence, and the agony of knowing she was headed back to Litchfield while the love of her life was probably going to be killed execution style and there was nothing she could do about it.

The next days went by fast. She had no idea how the rest of the trial went. She heard nothing from Piper, and she returned to Litchfield the following week.

Back in the lousy orange uniform, she thought bitterly as she pulled herself into the van with other new prisoners to head back to camp.

"Well well well, if it isn't Alex Vause," The short Italian brunette grinned at her through the rearview mirror.

"Hey Morello," Alex stated flatly.

"I heard Chapman got out," Lorna said cheerfully as they got out of that van. "Isn't that nice? I must say I will miss her, though, she was such a good friend,"

Alex raised an eyebrow at her as they walked up to the familiar building. "How'd you know that?"

"Oh, Chapman wrote Nicky to get her on her visitation list already," Lorna shrugged. "They were really close. Don't get me wrong Nicky was happy for her, but she's a little down about the whole thing,"

"Is that so?" Alex followed Morello through the halls of the familiar building until they got to the temporary units where Alex and some of the other new inmates would be spending the night until they got their assignments.

"Let's see," Lorna looked down at the list of names and room assignments. "Vause, Soso, and Parker, you're in here," The short brunette gestured for the three of them to enter the room. Alex took the bottom bunk followed by a young half-Asian girl who took the bunk above her's, and an older looking African American woman who took the top bunk in the corner of the room.

"Yeah, Nicky'll get over it, in time, she just isn't too happy right now," She finally answered before holding some things out to her and the younger girl. "Here you guys go. toothbrush, toothpaste, you know the drill Vause," Lorna smiled up at her. "Well, I gotta get back to the van, oh and dinner's in about an hour I think,"

"Hey, you got some of those for me?" The older woman asked before Lorna could get very far.

"No, I don't sorry, one of the black girls should be around to help you out, I have to go," She said quickly. "See ya later Vause," Lorna said on her way out and Alex nodded.

Alex sat on her bed and cursed herself for letting Piper's safety get in the way of her own freedom when the blonde put her life in danger anyways.

At least, Kubra got put away for good, she thought. She tried to take solace in that as she laid down to try to nap.

She was not successful, though. With her mind on overdrive and the constant yammering of the girl above her, she hadn't slept at all in the whole hour before dinner.

Thank goodness for meals, though, because she didn't know how much more of that girl she could stand.

The cafeteria seemed like it was the same as before, everyone was with their groups, they were all where they should be, except now Piper wasn't there. She was probably off at some fancy restaurant with her family, already set up with a new boyfriend and everything. It made Alex sick.

Alex got her food and sat alone, not wanting to have to explain anything to anyone. She just wanted this day to be over.

She looked up when someone sat down across from her. She was not expecting to see Nichols, but there she was.

"Welcome back Vause," The wild-haired woman said plainly.

"Gee thanks. What do you want?" Alex questioned skeptically.

"I came to deliver a message, you know because I'm such a great friend and I couldn't say no," Nichols shrugged and Alex just looked at her.

"Oh yeah, what's that?"

"Piper, she wants to be on your visitations list, she wants to see you," Nichols elaborated. "I told her I didn't think it would happen, but she insisted I ask you anyways, so there you go,"

"You're right, it's not happening. I don't care what she thinks she has to say, I don't want to hear it," Alex grumbled, deciding she wasn't going to eat.

"Well then I'll toss out the letter she sent to me to give you, and I'll let her know when I talk to her again," Nicky said nonchalantly.

"Wait wait, you talked to her already?" Alex must not have been listening the first time, it hadn't fully sunk in yet.

"Yeah, I talked to Piper on the phone yesterday," Nicky said before taking a bite of her food. "Well, don't you want to know how she is?" She asked after a moment of silence.

Alex shook her head. "No, I don't care. Nichols, if that's all you came to tell me, why are you still here?"

Nicky just looked at her. "I'm trying to do the right thing here. We don't have to be friends, but I don't want to fight with you," Nicky was trying really hard to be friendly to the tall raven-haired woman, as per Piper's request, but it was difficult.

"Did she put you up to it?" Alex asked incredulously.

"Piper may have had something to do with it, so what?" Nicky said vaguely.

Alex nodded, but something was bothering her. "What happened to calling her Chapman?"

Nicky looked nervous. That was another subject she and Piper discussed over the phone. Nicky was on friendly terms with Morello now, and she had Piper to thank for it, but she had expected Piper to come back. They agreed that they couldn't continue their old relationship because of the circumstances. Piper promised to visit as often as she could, and to write whenever possible so they could remain friends, so that was a plus, but they didn't really talk about whether or not they should just tell Alex or not. Therein lies the problem, thought Nicky cooley.

"We're good friends, we got pretty close while you were in the SHU. I, ya know, I helped her get over her illness, and I kept her company while she tried to sort out her feelings and shit like that. Ya know, the sort of things friends do for each other," Nicky said trying to avoid any further questions on that subject. "Speaking of acts of friendship, she's stopping by tomorrow. I think she wanted to see you, but she'll have to settle for me instead. Anything you'd like me to pass along?"

"Yeah, tell her to go Fuck herself!" Alex snapped. She honestly didn't know quite where that anger came from, but it didn't matter, she didn't have anything else to say to the blonde.

"Right, okay, that all?" Nicky asked eyeing her carefully.

"Yeah, that's it. I don't want to hear about her anymore, I don't care. We both chose this, and I don't need updates on her every goddamned minute!" She barked.  
Thinking about it, she actually was desperate for any information about Piper's well-being, but she couldn't allow herself to act like it. She was supposed to be mad at her. She was mad at her. So she was going to make herself suffer by refusing any news about her recently freed ex.  
In the time she was thinking, she had only just noticed that the cafeteria got quieter and she felt like people were looking at her funny. "Why do I feel like people are watching me?"

Nicky glanced around and shrugged. "Fuck em. You beat up Doggett pretty good, and she knocked your face in too, they're just a little cautious of your temper. No one around here will mess with you again," Nicky smirked.

"Great" Alex rolled her eyes.

"Well, look at it this way, you won't have to wait in line for showers," Nicky chuckled before she stood to clear her tray away. "Hey, Vause, I'll see ya around, try not to fight anyone," Nicky said before leaving Alex alone.

After dinner, there wasn't much for Alex to do. She spent the rest of the evening in her bunk trying not to listen to Soso cry on her bed above her.

It was after lights out that she realized she wouldn't be able to sleep if the girl didn't stop crying, so she got up.

"Hey, I know this is a prison, and it sucks. But this phase is only temporary," Alex whispered. The girl looked up at her hesitantly. Alex was reminded of how good it felt to be able to comfort Piper when she was upset, but this wasn't Piper who was crying, it was some random girl who wouldn't shut up. "Soon you'll have friends, and everything will start to feel normal,"

"Really?" The girl said between sobs.

Alex sighed. "Yes, really, you'll get used to it, and you'll find friends in here, people you can trust," She said and was completely thrown off balance when the girl threw her arms around her neck and hugged her tightly. Alex rolled her eyes, she hated this.

"I think I'm finding friends already," Soso said quietly.

Alex managed to free herself and was able to hand the girl some tissues. "Yeah, well just try to get some sleep now," Alex said as she laid back down in her own bed thankful that it was now quiet in there.

It took her a while to fall asleep, but when she finally did, it felt like only mere minutes before she was opening her eyes again the next day.

She was assigned a bunk after breakfast. She was sharing a bunk with Red who wasn't too keen about it. She was assigned to the grounds crew, whereas Soso was thankfully assigned to the laundry room and things were alright, considering she was in prison still.

She was on her way outside for work when she passed the visitation room. She dared a glance inside and there was Piper.

The blonde was sitting alone, apparently waiting for Nicky to get there. She was looking around the room as different inmates came in to greet their loved ones. She looked nervous, or worried, or perhaps excited, and Alex couldn't help but wonder why.

She was just thinking about where Nicky was when she heard the woman's voice behind her.

"Let me get this right, "go Fuck yourself" -from Alex Vause, yeah?" Nicky asked as she caught Alex gazing at Piper through the window.

"You got it," Alex confirmed sadly.

"Well, catch ya later, can't keep the lady waiting," Nicky said as she walked around into the visitation area where she was patted down before she was allowed inside.

Alex watched as the two hugged and she caught Nicky's eye for a moment. When they sat down, Piper looked borderline depressed. Alex couldn't hear them but she could guess what they were saying. Piper looked over at her at one point. Alex did her best to keep her expression neutral. Alex was relieved when she looked away, but she also missed her soft gaze. She watched them for a moment longer and she could see the different expressions flash across Piper's face. For a second she looked angry but Nicky said something to make her laugh and she felt a hint of jealousy that it wasn't her sitting across from Piper and on the receiving end of her beautiful smile.

She shook the thoughts from her head and at that point she left to go work, there was no reason for standing there anymore. She needed to force herself to stay as occupied and distracted as possible so her mind wouldn't wander back to the blonde sitting in the visitation room across from someone else when it should be her sitting there. It frustrated her to no end, but she couldn't allow herself to lose her grip on her anger, not while she was still doing time because of her feelings for the blonde.

* * *

A few moments prior, in the visitation room...

"Nicky!" Piper exclaimed, smiling at the shorter woman. Piper jumped up and hugged her tightly. "I missed you!" Piper left a gentle kiss on her cheek.

Nicky hugged Piper back and caught a glimpse of Alex who was still standing by the window. "Yeah, I missed you too,"

They both sat down across from each other. "Do I even need to ask? How is she?" Nicky knew who Piper meant and she nodded to the window. Piper turned her head and there was Alex, looking very unamused. Piper couldn't hold her gaze for long though and had to look back at Nicky.

"Her only message for you was to go Fuck yourself," Nicky repeated Alex's words. "Eh, Piper, it's like I said, she said no obviously. I'll talk to her but shit, she is pissed off at you,"

"Of course, she is. Because that's who she is, she only has one perspective. Heaven forbid she try to see things from my point of view" She said angrily looking down at her hands. "Fuck, I can't believe I screwed up again,"

"Look it's not your fault she sent herself back here, but enough about her, how's the freedom working out for you?" Nicky asked trying to lighten the mood again.

Piper grinned. "It's alright, but I miss not having to choose what to wear all the time," She joked.

"Really?! The thing you miss most about prison is the wardrobe? Jesus Chapman that's messed up, even for you," Nicky chuckled and Piper nodded, smiling.

"I know I know, sorry. What I miss the most though seriously is the sense of community," Piper said. "I feel so isolated, so lonely. No one understands what I've been through and they're trying to toss me back into society without even thinking," Piper said, annoyance clear in her voice. "I mean, get this, it's been what, less than two weeks, and my parents are trying to set me up with Larry again! Can you fucking believe that?"

"You're screwed, I'm sorry," Nicky smirked and Piper just laughed. "Well, you could always rob a bank and rejoin the party," Nicky suggested jovially.

"No fucking way, Nicky, I prefer to be on this side of the table. I'll come and visit, but I don't plan to be a resident ever again," Piper said somewhat seriously, but she maintained her smile.

"Thank Jesus, for a moment there I was worried you actually enjoyed being in prison," Nicky replied. "Granted that was only when I was fucking you, so that must have been the reason,"

"Oh please, the prison was better for more things than just the sex," Piper countered.

"Oh really? Give me an example of something that was better," Nicky demanded playfully.

"I-uh-the food. Red's food was pretty good most of the time," Piper stated.

"Bullshit! You said that food tasted like crap the first day you got here. Try again," Nicky laughed.

"Well, what about the...the...the provided opportunity for remediation and self-reflection," Nicky grinned knowingly as she watched Piper struggle to come up with a better answer. Piper knew she lost. "You know what? Fuck it, you win,"

"Exactly, because there's nothin better about this place," Nicky said satisfied with herself.

"You'll pay for that Nicky," Piper grinned.

Nicky raised an eyebrow at her and leaned over the table. "Oh yeah? And how do you think that's gonna happen?"

"Oh, I'm sure I'll come up with something," Piper winked.

"Inmates, one minute!" The CO yelled.

"Until next weekend?" Nicky asked as she stood up to hug Piper again.

"Of course, I'll be here," Piper replied firmly, giving Nicky a final hug goodbye. "Call me whenever, you have my number,"

Nicky turned to walk away, "Count on it, Chapman!"

Piper watched the other woman walk away back into the prison. Nicky waved as she passed the windows and then she was gone.

A few weeks went by fairly quickly. Every Saturday Piper would come to visit Nicky at around the same time. She wrote letters to various people as well. Alex heard Piper had written to Red and Morello at least once. Alex got letters from Piper too, but she never read them. She kept them in a stack under her bed.

After Piper's first visit, Alex decided that even though she wasn't speaking to Piper, it didn't mean she couldn't see her for a few minutes on her way outside every Saturday. Alex had even started looking forwards to the weekends when she could see the blonde.

As the weeks passed, Piper looked worse and worse, though. She got thinner, if it was possible, her hair was disheveled, and she had stopped wearing makeup altogether. Alex wondered what was wrong with her, and it was growing harder and harder for her not to ask Nicky. Nicky had kept her word though and stayed away from discussing Piper with her at all costs.

The next week Alex couldn't take it anymore, she needed to know what was wrong. Piper hadn't shown up at all. Nicky didn't seem bothered by it, obviously, Piper had told her what was going on, and Alex wished more and more that she had just tried a little harder to fix things between them.

She gave herself hope that she could, though. She sat down and read all of Piper's letters before making the decision to call her. She knew Piper would answer, thinking it was Nicky calling, she just had to hope Piper would stay on the line long enough for them to talk things out. Hopefully, things weren't too far gone already.

As the phone rang, the more she thought about it, the more stupid she felt for not contacting her sooner. What would she have done if something would have happened to her? Hell, she may not have even known because she was too stubborn to ask Nicky about her.

The phone rang a few more times and she was about to concede that Piper wasn't going to answer, but she did.

"Hey Nicky," She heard Piper say.

"It's me, Pipes," Alex didn't bother saying her name, she knew Piper would recognize her by her voice.  
There was silence and she was sure at that point Piper had hung up. "Are you there?"

* * *

 **A/N I'm not terribly happy with it, but in my opinion, it wasn't awful, although, I could always be wrong, so let me know what you thought, and stay tuned for more in a few days.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N So it's been a few days and after the tragedy that was last chapter, I couldn't help myself, so I just sped things up a bit. If you pay close enough attention you'll see the hints at the drama to come in the next chapters...I can hardly wait, but then again this chapter could very well act as an ending, so who knows. And I apologize for any grammatical errors.**

 **Anyways, loved all the reviews as always, thanks a bunch.**

 **Also, I just want to point out, because time is just confusing to me, that I don't know how much time passed in season two, but the events in this chapter take place the week before that major rainstorm in season two, so that means faster than things happened in the show. If I continue this I will stick with the canon timeline from that point, but with a few major twists. You'll see what I mean after you read this.**

 **This picks up where the last chapter left off. I want to say it's 99% Alex and Piper moments, so please enjoy.**

* * *

There was silence and Alex was sure Piper had hung up. "Are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm still here," She heard Piper say breathlessly. On the other end, Piper had just barely reached her phone before it stopped ringing, she had run all over the house trying to find where she left it a few minutes prior. When she answered, she had to take a second to catch her breath, especially when she realized it was Alex calling.

Alex sighed and smiled, thanking whoever made this possible. "You don't know how good it is to hear your voice,"

"I missed you too, but is there a reason you called?" Piper asked sounding rather tired.

"You didn't show up today," Piper hadn't missed one week in almost a month and a half, but now she had, and it worried her.

"I didn't know you noticed- um, yeah, I couldn't leave my house today, I'm expecting someone later," Piper lied. She was actually packing her suitcase. She was leaving town later that day. She had everything already arranged. She had a train ticket and she managed to borrow quite a large amount of money from her parents under the pretense of buying a new car even though she had no intention of doing so, and she had only told two people of her departure, her brother Cal, and Nicky, so they wouldn't be worried and because they were the only people she trusted.

The smile slipped off Alex's face as fast as it had appeared, and she didn't respond right away. She was caught up by the fact that Piper was having a guest over, probably some guy her parents picked to wine and dine with her, Alex thought bitterly. "Alex - Alex can you hear me, I said Polly is coming over later," Piper's voice quickly brought her back.

"Oh, your friend Holly? Should I call back?" Alex asked slightly relieved, but at the same time hoping Piper wouldn't say yes.

"No, it's fine, and I don't feel like I should have to remind you that her name is Polly, she won't be here for a few hours," Piper explained as she threw a few pairs of jeans haphazardly into her bag. "Anyway, how are you, Alex?"

"Doesn't Nichols keep you updated!?" Alex redirected. She could only imagine what Piper and Nicky talked about. No doubt since she wouldn't communicate with Piper herself, the blonde would get information through her wild-haired friend.

Piper paused for a second, distracted by not being able to find her favorite shoes. Alex didn't know that though and took it as Piper being put off by her comment and she regretted not just answering her straight up, after all, Piper sounded like she really cared.

"Uh, yeah, I ask about you all the time, I wanted to hear from you, though, but I guess if you don't want to say, suit yourself, I'll just imagine you said you were fine," Alex could tell Piper was close to the point of just giving up. She sounded defeated and Alex felt awful for that.

In truth what Alex didn't know was that Piper was on her hands and knees trying to find her shoes under her bed, still with the phone held between her head and shoulder and with Alex being difficult as usual, it was hard to answer and sound neutral.

"The truth is that I'm pretty fucking exhausted from ignoring you, it's just this place..." Alex glanced at the walls around her, they made her sick. They were so constricting and restraining, claustrophobic even. "I- don't feel like myself in here, everything feels off, like there's something missing,"

"I wish there was something I could do," Piper commented thoughtfully as she stood again, having given up on finding her shoes and instead focused on tossing shirts from her closet over her shoulder towards her bag.

Alex shook her head even though Piper couldn't see her. "Yeah, well there isn't a lot you can do from out there, how are you doing with all your freedom?"

Piper scoffed at that. "I don't feel free,"

"What you spend a lot of time with your probation officer or something, or is it the family?" Alex questioned more as a joke, but she could tell something was making Piper nervous when she didn't answer right away.

Piper paused her bag packing for a moment and glanced out her window that overlooked the street below. Sure enough, the car was still there. She pushed the curtains closed and went back to packing. "Uh- it's neither really...uh do you know how the trial went?" Piper changed the subject, wanting to avoid answering.

Alex would admit she gave it some thought, but she assumed Kubra went away like everyone said he was going to. She hadn't wanted to entertain the thought of alternatives.

"No, why? Everything just went like they said it would, right?" What if Piper said no? What if Kubra was free still and planning revenge on Piper for her testimony? She was so deep in her thoughts that she almost missed Piper's answer.

"There was a mistrial, some dumb fucker mishandled the evidence. He's free, they had to let him go." The frustration was evident in Piper's tone, but it was mostly because she just realized she never got the rest of her stuff from Larry's apartment. She kicked the door to the room out of anger, no longer caring about controlling herself, it wasn't like there was anyone else there that she needed to impress.

"You're fucking with me, he really went to prison right, he got life without parole?" Alex could not comprehend that there would be a mistake and he would get off.

"No Alex, I'm not, weren't you listening. Kubra's free," Piper reconfirmed as she decided to forget about the fact that her favorite clothes weren't there and switched her effort into finding a suitable jacket to bring with her. "And - " She was about to tell Alex about the car always parked outside, but when Alex interrupted her, she was almost grateful that she hadn't. She knew Alex may go berserk if she knew that she was possibly in mortal danger twenty-four seven since she got back.

"So wait, I'm the only one who got time?!" Alex asked angrily.

Piper rolled her eyes even though there was no one around her to notice. She completely stopped what she was doing so she could answer Alex with the appropriate amount of force and attitude for the situation. "Jesus Alex, I tell you your lunatic drug boss is free, and that's all you have to say?!" Piper countered harshly. "It's not my fault you lied, maybe if you had told the truth he would be in prison instead of you, but no, you couldn't make yourself do it, not even for me!" Piper hissed as she slammed her bag shut now that she was finally done with packing.

Before Alex called, she had called a cab to pick her up an hour and thirty minutes from then. Now she had less than thirty minutes left to wait and then she was really out.

"Fuck you Piper! I couldn't tell the truth!" Alex growled. It was all Piper's fault she was still in prison. It was Piper's fault she couldn't tell the truth. The blonde just didn't know it.

Piper decided to drag her stuff downstairs so she could leave as soon as the cab pulled up. She paused first though so she could answer Alex. This conversation was really starting to get on her nerves. "Okay, you're right. Fuck me, because it's all my fault. Everything that has ever happened is my fucking fault, okay? Happy?! Anything else?" Piper asked unenthusiastically, clearly regretting her choice to stay on the line when she found out it was Alex calling. Alex was too pissed to notice, though.

"Yeah, what the Fuck were you thinking!? He's going to kill you now! You are such an idiot!" Alex continued angrily. Piper really had no fucking clue what she got herself into, Alex thought.

"Oh shit," Piper forgot to grab her father's gun. She had found it the other day and hid it in her room. She kept it close to her all the time and there was no way in hell that she was going to leave without it.

"You know what? Fine. That's it, Alex, be that way," Piper snapped as she ran back upstairs. "So here's what's going to happen now, I'm going to hang up like I should've in the beginning and while I'm sitting on the next train out of here with a new phone, in less than three hours, I'll remember how much you fucking hate me so I won't be tempted to fall for you again. Christ, I can't believe you. Goodbye, Alex," She was done. She gave Alex a chance and she apparently shouldn't have. She grabbed the gun and headed back down stairs with every intention of hanging up when she got to the bottom floor.

"Wait, Piper, wait a second, you're skipping town and you weren't going to tell me?!" It was like Alex hadn't heard what she just said, why did she even bother speaking?!

"Yeah, I was," Piper said shoving the gun into her handbag. "What was I supposed to do? Please tell me?!" Well there went the whole idea of hanging up, Piper thought bitterly. "You wouldn't answer my letters, Nicky told me she promised you not to speak about me, I couldn't visit and you wouldn't call, to me that meant you didn't care, so why don't you enlighten me, what the Fuck should I have done?"

"You could have said that in a letter," Alex answered lamely, but Piper had a point.

"Jesus Christ Alex! Have you lost your goddamn mind?! You know they go through your mail right, so no I couldn't have, and you know what? I didn't even mean to tell you at all, but I accidentally did, so now you know," Piper was beside herself with frustration. Why was she still talking?!

"Piper I'm sorry," Alex said softly, resting her head against the wall. This phone call was turning into a disaster because she couldn't shut up and get over herself, what was wrong with her?

"It's - hold on," Piper was interrupted. There was a knock at the front door and she wasn't expecting anyone. Her parents were supposed to be out all day and they obviously wouldn't knock on the door to their own house. She only saw her probation officer on Monday's for fifteen minutes so it shouldn't be him, which was why she planned to leave this day. She couldn't think of anyone it could be except for Kubra's cartel people. "There's someone here," She said quietly as she grabbed the gun out of her bag.  
"I thought Holly was coming later?" Alex asked, but Piper didn't answer. "Piper, what's going on?"

Might as well just tell her this too, Piper thought furiously. She was fucked anyways. "I must have forgotten to tell you about your cartel friends who have been continuously parked outside my house since I got out. It's probably them coming to finish the job," Piper said quickly in a hushed voice.

Alex could hardly breathe. Piper was in this kind of danger the whole time and she was stubborn enough to ignore Piper anyways?! Oh, Alex felt really stupid now, but why didn't Nicky say anything, surely Piper told her. "Piper are you sure?!" Alex didn't really need to ask, she was basically asking for more trouble from Piper.

"No Alex I'm not sure, but who else would possibly park outside my house and practically follow me everywhere I go?!" Piper snapped quietly. "Someone else maybe?! Oh yeah, you know, I bet it's just Larry checking up on me! Fuck, of course, it's them, you should believe that! He was your boss after all and you were the one talking about how dangerous he is!" Piper said sarcastically through the phone as she slowly stepped towards the door.

"Then get out Piper! Don't do anything stupid! Please, you have to get out of there!" Alex demanded. She needed Piper to be safe and she could barely make herself listen anymore. The blonde didn't answer.

 _"Piper Chapman, open up, I know you're in there!"_ Alex heard a male voice through the phone.

Piper didn't recognize the voice through the door and held the gun up aiming it in that direction.

"Piper!? Piper!? Answer me dammit!" Alex commanded.

Piper didn't, instead she set the phone down without hanging up and she opened the front door. She came to the conclusion that she had to face this sooner or later.

"Oh fuck!" Alex heard Piper yelp. "Don't-" The line went dead, cutting off whatever else Piper was going to say.

"Damnit!" Without thinking, Alex punched the wall sending shockwaves of pain up her arm.

"Inmate, don't make me write you a shot!" The CO standing nearby said sharply.

Alex balled her hands into fists and marched away. She didn't know what to do. There was nothing she could do.

She cursed herself for being so stupid. She should have just told the truth, then, at least, she'd be there with Piper dealing with this instead of being stuck in this place not knowing what was going on and unable to do anything about it.

A day went by and she heard nothing from Piper. She tried calling her again, but she never answered. She even got Nicky to call but Piper still didn't answer.

She tried everything to distract herself. She found new books to read, but she couldn't focus. She was barely eating, and forget about sleep. Piper was constantly on her mind.

Not only that, but it bothered her to no end that Nicky seemed only marginally concerned when she told her about what happened. She had thought Nicky would have been just as upset as her, seeing as it seemed like she and Piper were really good friends.

Halfway through the week, Alex was so thankful for her job. Being able to be outside really helped ease her mind although it didn't help when she was off duty.

By the end of the week, she had taken up smoking again. She knew it was bad and she knew she shouldn't, but the black girls were smuggling drugs in, and with everything she had on her mind, she didn't have a good reason to say no anymore, not until Saturday morning that was.

Alex and Nicky were sitting at breakfast when Morello rushed up to them. "You guys are never gonna believe this," She did not seem very happy at all which concerned both of them immediately.

"What? What's wrong babe?" Nicky asked quickly.

"I just got back with new prisoners and well...it's Chapman...she's back," Morello answered quietly.

"Where is she?" Alex asked as she dropped everything and haphazardly dumped her tray without a second thought. She walked purposefully out of the cafeteria not bothering to wait for Nicky and Morello.

"The temporary bunk, same as last time," Morello replied when she and Nicky caught up with Alex again. "You aren't gonna like this, but she's in pretty rough shape,"

Alex and Nicky stopped walking and turned on the short brunette. "What do you mean?" Alex asked lowly.

Morello held up her hands in defense. "You'll see what I mean,"

Alex turned around again and continued to Piper's room, only now Nicky decided not to follow her, not that she cared, she was more interested in seeing Piper.

"Piper?" She said as soon as she stepped into the room, not seeing her right away.

One of the other inmates nodded to the top bunk in the corner where a person in orange who Alex immediately recognized as Piper was curled up on their side facing the wall.

With Piper curled up like that, there was enough space for her to sit by her feet so carefully so as not to startle her, she climbed up on the bed to sit next to her. "Pipes?" Alex said quietly and rubbed a hand over her shin to get her attention.

"Go away Alex," Piper muttered, covering her face with her hands.

"Piper, look at me, what happened?" Alex tried again.

"Alex, get the fuck away from me," Piper said a little more forcefully this time as she twisted herself to keep her face hidden from the raven-haired woman that was still sitting next to her.

Alex could tell this was going to be a rough transition back for the blonde. "No, I'm not going anywhere till you look at me and tell me what happened," Alex said gently but with intention.

Piper knew it was no use to argue anymore, not the she had the strength to anyways, so she grudgingly sat up and pulled one knee up to her chest while she let her other leg hang off the bed before she looked at Alex. "Happy now?" Piper asked roughly, tears in her eyes.

Alex scooted closer to her and brushed her thumb over Piper's cheek and the blonde leaned into her touch ever so slightly.

She had a nicely sized bruise on her cheek, just below her eye, as well as a shallow cut just above her eyebrow. "No Pipes, it doesn't make me happy to see you like this," Alex said softly. "What happened? Why are you back here?"

Piper shook her head as she pulled away from Alex's hand. "I don't know, Fuck, I was being my stupid self like usual," She leaned her head back against the wall and let her eyes close, stopping the moisture in them from rolling down her cheeks as tears. "I don't want to talk about it,"

Alex wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into a tight embrace so that she was crying into Alex's shoulder. "Shhh, you'll be okay, Pipes, you'll live through this," she said soothingly.

"How am I back here?!" Piper whimpered. "How could I be so fucking stupid?!"

"It's just who you are, you can't help it," Alex joked although unsuccessfully.

"That's not funny and it's not helping," Piper mumbled.

Alex rubbed her hand over Piper's back gently, and she let her head rest against the blondes. "I know it's not, Pipes, I'm so sorry,"

Piper pulled away from her. "You and this shit hole are gonna be the death of me," Piper said semi-seriously, but Alex just smiled and shook her head.

"No I don't think so, if anything, you'll be the death of me," Alex brushed a lock of blonde hair off of Piper's face and wiped away more of Piper's tears with her thumb. "I mean holy fuck, you scared the shit out of me, I thought Kubra's men hurt you or worse, you don't know how worried I was,"

Piper turned her head away from her. "It would have been better than being here," Piper muttered almost inaudibly.

Alex would not have that. She tried not to hurt Piper as she did this, but she took Piper's head between her hands to make her look at her so she could softly press her lips to Piper's for a feather light kiss that lasted no more than a few seconds.

When Alex pulled back she searched Piper's eyes for any sign of disapproval but found none. She only saw hurt and confusion and it pained her more than Piper would ever know.

"Don't you ever say something like that again," She said sternly but still with a soft undertone. "Never. Do you hear me?" Piper nodded slightly and Alex pulled her into another hug. "Trust me, it wouldn't have been better, Pipes. Not for me and not for you," Piper just held onto her like her life depended on it. She was grateful for Alex being there with her, it was the only thing that felt normal with everything that happened.

She didn't know what their relationship could possibly be like now, she had to get used to prison life all over again, and there was still the potential that her life was in danger, but she had Alex with her in this moment and that alone made all of her other problems simply cease to exist for the time being. "I missed you, Alex," Piper said quietly.

"I missed you too, Pipes,"

* * *

 **A/N Okay, kinda sweet right? So should this be the ending? Or should we venture back to the land of drama, angst, and heartbreak, to resolve those other loose ends and possibly create some more? because I can totally do that. Let me know.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Due to the overwhelming majority of reviewers who asked for a continuation, here is the next chapter. More or less a filler, but an introduction of more drama down the line, and who doesn't love drama. I tried to bring it back to the style of the first few chapters so it's a little bit slower than the last two, and that also means, of course, we get to see more of certain characters. ;)**

 **Thank you to all those who have read, followed, favorited, and or reviewed, it means a lot, thank you so much.**

 **I still do not own any of this except for my mistakes, but please enjoy it anyways.**

* * *

Nicky desperately wanted to see Piper, but she knew she should wait. She felt terrible for how the blonde had gotten thrown back in there and she just wanted to make sure she was alright.

As soon as Morello mentioned that Piper had been hurt or injured upon her reentry into the system, Nicky couldn't make herself go see her. She didn't want to see Piper like that. It would be a sharp contrast to the adorable blonde who had come to visit her every week and she didn't think she could handle it, so she let Alex go alone.

Instead, she and Morello went back to her bunk because neither of them had anything better to do. Nicky had a shift in electrical later, but it seemed like an eternity away.  
She sat with her back against the wall and the shorter brunette sat silently next to her.

"It happens to the best of us Nicky, she just slipped up," Lorna said quietly before placing a gentle kiss on her cheek. "I can't believe it. Out of everyone to come back here, I never expected it to be her, I never saw it coming, but then again, you were the one who saw her every week, did she ever show any signs that she was, I dunno, acting out?"

Of course, she had. Piper had told Nicky all about her fear of the drug cartel. Every week she would be even more paranoid than the last. Every week Nicky had to hear Piper ask about Alex, and every time it made her want to gag. Every week she would give Piper the same answer, that Alex was never going to talk to her. Only by the last week, Piper seemed to have totally lost it. The blonde had told her of her plans to get away and how she had a gun for her protection.

Nicky couldn't let Piper leave, though. She didn't know much about the cartel Alex and Piper were a part of, but she wasn't about to let Piper run away all by herself to be hunted and hurt or killed by Alex's old boss. It wasn't going to happen. She knew that of the places Piper could go, she was the safest in the prison, so Nicky found a way to help her with that even if it was painful for all involved.

She had every intention of not telling Piper what she'd done but part of her knew she wouldn't be able to live with it if Piper was left to blame herself.

"Yeah, I can't believe it either, I always thought that once she got out we'd never see her again," Nicky answered solemnly, already feeling guilty as Fuck.

"Well, she asked about you on the ride over, I'm sure she wants to see you," Lorna suggested just as Alex walked by.

"Hey, Vause!" The short Italian practically shouted getting the taller woman's attention immediately.

"What? Oh there you are, Nicky, I was looking for you," Alex said.

"How's Chapman?" Lorna asked.

"Not good, she's pretty beaten up," Alex answered as she walked closer to their cube and leaned on the wall. "I didn't want to leave her alone after everything that happened, and with, you know, before Chicago, but I have work, I know she'd appreciate to see you, Nicky, if you wouldn't mind checking on her," Alex still didn't fully understand the relationship between Piper and Nicky, but she did know they were good friends, which was why Alex was surprised by Nicky's response.

"No, I actually have to get to electrical early today, since I was late yesterday, it's not like she's going anywhere," Nicky stood abruptly getting confused and skeptical looks from both Alex and Lorna but neither of them commented.

"I can check up on her in a little while, I'm not doin anything," Lorna spoke up.

"Thank you, it's just I'm not sure what she'll do if she's alone for too long," Alex said quietly.

"Say no more Vause, I'll head over there now," The short brunette stood and walked past them.

"I'll look in on her later, but work, ya know," Nicky said as she too hastily left. If she even had to look at Piper right now, she was sure she would spill what she did, and she couldn't let that happen, at least not yet. Not on Piper's first day back. She had to be careful around Alex too, if Alex found out, she knew Alex would make her life more of a living hell than it already was.

There were only a few people in the electrical building when she got there, but Nicky didn't care, she just wanted to get started on any bullshit projects Luschek had for her today so she could distract herself enough from Piper to not totally break down.

* * *

Piper knew Alex couldn't just stay with her no matter how much she wanted her to, so she didn't even ask when Alex said she had to go to work outside.

She was going to be tougher this time. Piper promised herself she was going to be stronger. She was back here in this godforsaken place and she needed to not break down. Alex was here and Nicky was here, surely they'd help her through it. They were both her exes, but they were still her friends, right? At least, Nicky was while Alex had informed her that they were never friends, which was really to be expected. So she had Nicky basically and maybe Alex would be there for her sometimes, not that she even remotely trusted her yet.

Piper trusted the familiarity of Alex, but she didn't trust Alex at all, and she knew it would be a struggle to get back to that point.

She had broken down into a sobbing mess in her arms when she first saw her, but that didn't erase their last conversation and it didn't fix anything between them at all. She had told Alex she wasn't holding any grudges while they were in Chicago, but that was before Alex proved once again she couldn't be trusted.

Maybe that was just a universal hint that she shouldn't trust anyone, except for herself. But realizing this, she still didn't want to be alone, not right now. It was still too surreal. She needed some company to take her mind off everything. Anyone. It didn't matter who, but preferably Nicky or one of Red's other girls.

By some strange coincidence, Lorna Morello walked in. "Heya Chapman, how ya doin?"

"I've been better," Piper answered. "You?"

There wasn't anyone else in the room so the shorter woman sat on the metal locker next to the door. "Oh I'm alright, I must say you surprised me this morning, I never thought I'd see you here again, well besides in visitation with Nicky,"

Piper leaned her head back and took a deep breath. "I surprised myself too," She said quietly. They were silent for a minute and Piper was just thankful that there was someone else in the room.

"You know-" Piper spoke up and Lorna looked up at her, "you, were the first person who was nice to me when I first got here, and yet again this time," Piper said thoughtfully. "I don't know what it is, but something about you just made this whole prison thing seem more bearable like everything is going to be okay. Every new prisoner is lucky that you're there to greet them, I know I was for sure," Piper's tone was sad but it made the short brunette smile anyways and her respect for the blonde increased because she could imagine how hard it was for Piper to be positive right now.

"Thank you, Chapman," Morello said sweetly. "I'm going to remember you said that,"

Just then a CO walked in. "Morello, van duty, come on," They walked away without even waiting for her.

Lorna looked up at Piper. "I'm sorry, I guess I'll see you at lunch or dinner, you gonna be alright?" Lorna asked before she left.

Piper smiled weakly. "Don't worry about it, I'll see you later," With that the short brunette nodded and left her alone.

Piper pushed herself off the bed, landing with a soft thud on the floor. She wondered if she could ask Healy for her job assignment and permanent bunk today instead of waiting a week now that she quite literally had nothing to do. She figured she had nothing to lose by asking, so she slowly paced down to his office.

She knocked on the door although rather quietly, but he heard anyways. "Come in,"

She twisted the handle and nudged the door open. "Mr. Healy?" She said tentatively as she sat in the chair across from his desk, not bothering to wait for a reply.

"Chapman, I see that you're back on a parole violation," He said glancing down at his papers that covered the desk. "Is there something you want? Looks like you've already gotten into some trouble," He gestured to the cut and bruise on her face.

Piper nodded. "Yeah, uh, I-meth heads, what can you do. That's not what I came to ask you about, though," She said. "I was wondering how soon I will be assigned to a bunk and when I'll get my job assignment,"

He adjusted his glasses. "I see, well, since you are still in our system, we will assign you a bunk tomorrow, same with your job, you are back on electrical," He explained and she nodded.

It was better than she honestly expected. "Thank you," She muttered.

He grunted a short 'you're welcome,' as he flipped through some papers before finding two in particular and handing them to her. "Here, take this to Luschek, and take this down to laundry,"

Piper nodded silently.

"You're back Chapman, get used to it," He added and she took that as her cue to leave.

She shut the door quietly behind her. She decided to go to laundry first, she really wanted her beige uniform as soon as possible.

She walked along the halls noting all the confused and shocked expressions directed at her. She walked passed the 'hair salon' and decided she might as well say hello, she would definitely need her hair done, it was an absolute disaster.

"Holy shit, look who the feds dragged back in," Sophia Burset commented when she looked up and saw Piper leaning against the door frame.

"No way!" Taystee was sitting in the chair having her hair done and she swiveled around to see Piper. "Oh hell, you look like shit blondie, welcome back,"

"Nice to see you guys too," Piper grinned even though it looked more like a grimace.

"Let me guess, you violated your parole at one of your fancy parties and shit by having too much to drink," Sophia guessed as she turned back to working on Taystee's hair do.

"No no no," Taystee wagged her finger in the air. "I bet you tried to go on your annual vacation with the family and they thought you was tryin to flee the country," Taystee laughed.

"Close, possession of a firearm," Piper answered smoothly.

"Oh shit, you? for real?" Taystee murmured. Piper nodded.

"Damn, girl what were you thinking!" Sophia asked.

Piper just shrugged. "I wasn't,"

"Clearly, well, in any case, stop by later to get your hair fixed up to match them nice bruises, you look like you could use a change, it might make you feel better," Sophia added.

Piper smiled weakly. "I'll think about it, thanks," She turned and trudged along holding her papers tightly.

She turned down the hallway to the laundry room. She could already hear Doggett and Leanne, but it sounded like they were arguing.

Piper took a deep breath before she walked in. She didn't believe she had the patience to deal with them at the moment, but she wanted her beige uniform so she had to.

Only a few steps in and she could hear the argument more clearly.

"Maybe I am better than you!" Doggett clearly stated.

"What has gotten into you?" Leanne snapped. "You been different ever since you got back!"

Doggett folded her hands across her chest. "That's because I am different, I'm better!"

"Will you guys stop it? Can't we all be friends?" A young Asian girl asked. Piper gestured for the girl to come over to her.

"Shut up Soso," Leanne hissed before turning back to Doggett. "I seen you hanging around with that dyke, is that what you are now? Lesbian dyke, oh, and look here's one of them now, if it isn't Chapman, queen of the lesbians- wait- holy fuck- it's Chapman?!" Leanne looked past Doggett at Piper who was more or less waiting for them to finish and was somewhat amused by Leanne's description of her.

"How long have they been fighting like this?" Piper whispered to the girl Leanne called Soso.

"Weeks, I haven't been here that long, but the short one spent a lot of time in SHU and they have been having issues ever since," Soso explained quietly.

Doggett didn't turn around. "Don't fuck with me Leanne, Chapman got out almost a month ago,"

Piper cleared her throat. "Yes, actually, it's me, I'm back," Piper stepped forward and, this time, Doggett did turn around.

"Jesus Christ, what the hell are you doin here Chapman? And what happened to your face?!" Doggett yelped.

"Does it matter?" Piper asked dryly. "I'd very much like to get my beige uniform and just get back to my sentence if you don't mind," She held the form out to the short brunette who took it from her rather happily. Piper was expecting more resistance from her.

"Yeah, sure thing, I can help you out, because that's what a real friend would do, Leanne!" Doggett said as she skimmed over the paper.

They weren't friends, were they? Piper didn't really think so but didn't comment.

"Pussy licker," Leanne muttered and both Piper and Doggett glared at her.

"Shut up Leanne, or Chapman will get you, isn't that right? I mean obviously she beat up some poor sap who must be lookin worse than her right about now," Doggett threatened. At which Piper was slightly surprised.

"I don't- sure, yep, better watch out or I'll fuck you up," Piper added undramatically, and in no way threateningly. Leanne rolled her eyes and went back to work. "Look, Doggett, can I just get my uniform, I just got back, I can't deal with this right now,"

The short brunette nodded and handed her a pair of boots and two whole sets of beige clothes. "Hey Chapman, can I ask you somethin?"

Piper nodded. "What?" This was weird. Doggett was not like this before and it was kind of creeping her out.

"You are lesbian, right? Like you and Vause or Nichols are fuckin each other all the time," Doggett asked and Piper almost choked on the air she was breathing.

"Um, I just got here, but before, I guess so, why?" Piper raised an eyebrow at the shorter woman. "Is this a trick question? Because I don't have the patience to deal with your psychotic religious bullshit today, maybe tomorrow,"

"No, I just thought you're pretty up in the lesbian community, who do I talk to about joining your organization?" Doggett asked quietly.

"Organization?" Piper was lost.

"You know your lesbian organization with all your agendas and shit to take over the world," Doggett continued, her voice barely above a whisper.

Piper feigned understanding even though she really had no clue. "Oh, that organization. Well, to join, first you should probably talk to our fearless leader, because there are a lot of requirements, not to mention the initiation ritual," Total bullshit, Piper thought. She was actually quite pleased with herself because Doggett was just eating it up without question.

"Leader of the lesbians? Who's that?" Doggett continued.

Piper had to think for a moment. Who would enjoy this kind of thing? "In here, it's Boo. Go talk to Boo about it, she'll help you out, better than I can," Piper turned to walk away. "Oh thanks again for the uniform, feel free to ask me any questions about our organization, I'd be happy to help," She threw over her shoulder as she continued walking away chuckling lightly. Fuck that, she thought, Alex must have really knocked that girl's head around more than she first thought.

Now that she had her beige uniform she wanted out of the oranges as fast as possible. She went back to her bunk and changed, she would take her oranges back to laundry later, first she was going to see Luschek and hopefully at the same time see her favorite certain wild-haired junkie.

As she walked through the halls, she wondered why Nicky hadn't been by to see her already, though. She thought for sure Nicky would have wanted to see how she was, or yell at her for being stupid enough to come back here, but no, she hadn't seen her.

When she finally made it outside, the air was warm and there was a slight breeze. It eased some of the stress she was currently feeling, although nothing could possibly make her feel better. She was back in prison for Christ sake and she had no one to blame but herself. She still couldn't understand how she let it happen. How could she have been so stupid?And why the fuck was her parole officer at her house that day?! She wasn't scheduled to see him until Monday, yet there he was yelling and banging on her door, scaring the living shit out of her and then not to mention throwing her ass back in prison.

She slowly opened the door to the electrical building and stepped inside, relishing the familiarity of it. Everyone paused and looked up at her, everyone except for Nicky that was.

She wanted to say something to her, but Luschek distracted her. "Chapman, what the Fuck are you doing here? I thought you got out or something like a month ago," He said gruffly.

She shrugged and offered him the work order. "Yeah, well, shit happens, I can't help it if I'm stupid as fuck," Piper answered and unknown to her, Nicky cringed. "I'm back working in here starting tomorrow,"

"That's just what we needed actually, someone competent enough to learn how to use electric tools. This lot doesn't know shit," He gestured to the rest of the women in the room, most of whom rolled their eyes at him. He went back to his desk and signed the paper before filing it away for later. He looked up again to see she was still there. "Anything else?"

She glanced at Nicky who had yet to acknowledge her presence. Maybe Nicky was mad at her. She couldn't believe she was getting the silent treatment from her on her first day, but if that's how she wanted to play, then fine, Fuck her too for making her believe they were friends still. She didn't really need to be so harsh, it was just being back here left her with few patients.

"Um no, nothing, I'm just going to go now," She said quietly before turning to leave again. Just as she was pushing the door open she heard Nicky say something behind her, but she was just talking to Luschek.

Piper shrugged it off and just started slowly walking back to the main building.

"Hey! Chapman!" She heard Nicky call after her making her stop to turn around. "Where're you going?"

Piper raised an eyebrow at her questioningly. "What was that about?" She asked before Nicky walked up to her and threw her arms around her.

Piper was caught a little off guard, but she found that the slight anger she had for the shorter woman vanished instantly. "I thought you were mad at me or something," She hugged the shorter woman tightly, reveling in the sweet familiarity of it.

"Eh, I wanted to talk to you, but not in front of all them," Nicky shrugged letting go of the blonde.

Before Nicky pulled away from her, Piper hadn't realized she started crying. Piper wiped her eyes quickly not wanting Nicky to see her cry.

"Jesus Chapman, I missed you, but that didn't mean I wanted you to come back here," Even that was hard for Nicky to say because as true as it was to a point, it was also a lie and she knew all too well that Piper had trust issues. She recalled when, even though it was well warranted, Piper flipped out when she had let Alex lie to her, and she really, desperately even, did not want to be on the receiving end of Piper's anger.

Piper sniffled a little. "Yeah, I know, I was being stupid," Nicky immediately shook her head.

"No, it wasn't your fault," She tried to assure her without giving anything away.

Piper continued brushing the tears that continued to fall out of her eyes. "How can you say that to me?! Of course, it was my fault!" Piper said lowly. "Who else's fault could it be?!" She asked letting some of her anger slip into her tone as more tears fell down her face and she didn't even bother anymore trying to wipe them away.

"Shh, come here," Nicky hugged her again and kissed her lightly on the cheek in an attempt to get Piper to stop crying. She was only marginally successful. "Hey, how bout we sit down," Nicky suggested quietly, her arm wrapped around Piper's shoulder as she directed them to the picnic table just outside electrical.

They say across from each other and were silent for a few minutes. Piper calmed down and a small smile had even graced her features, at which Nicky cocked her head slightly to the side in a way that always managed to make Piper smile, even more, this time, was no exception. "Okay, what're you thinkin in that pretty blonde head of yours?"

"Do you remember that day Healy caught us kissing out here on our lunch break?" Piper asked.

Nicky grinned. "You mean the time it was raining and he had come to drag us back inside because the weather alarm wasn't working? I swear I thought he was gonna have a heart attack,"

Piper nodded. "Yeah! That was the day,"

Nicky just chuckled. "You remember that? That day was pretty shitty if you ask me, we both got shots for nothing,"

"So? I did get to spend the rest of that day cuddled up to you after we dried off," Piper commented thoughtfully. "Not everything about this place is bad, I just never thought I'd be here as a prisoner again," Piper sighed.

They were silent for a moment and Nicky grimaced. "Shit! I still can't believe you're back! You should have been out forever! You told me how much danger you were in, why didn't you leave sooner?!" She couldn't help herself, and of course, she knew the answer. Piper had her family to deal with, not to mention she had been trying in vain to get the rest of her life back together, it had only been in the last two weeks or so that Piper had even sounded like she intended to go anywhere. It wasn't until the last week she came for visitation that she had mentioned leaving for good.

Piper shook her head. "Can we not? I can't deal with that yet," She said seriously.

Nicky nodded. "Yeah, sure, but you're gonna have to deal with it eventually, yeah? You can't go on like this forever,"

Piper let her eyes fall to the table and her hands. "I know and I'm scared Nicky, I don't know what to do, I feel like I-" her voice trembled slightly. " -I just wonder if it's even worth living anymore," Nicky's eyes widened and Piper noticed but continued before she could protest. "Before you say anything, no, I promise not to try anything, but I just feel so empty Nicky. I feel like a part of me died when I was brought back in, like part of me will never be the same again and that scares me,"

She was looking back at the table again and so didn't notice Nicky move to sit next to her. "It scares me more than anything, more than leaving Alex, more than the first time I got here, more than the idea of dying, more than-" Nicky took Piper's hands in her own to get her attention. When Piper turned to look at her, Nicky placed a soft kiss on her lips making the blonde stop talking instantly.

It was over in less than a second and Piper's eyes were wide wondering what in God's name Nicky was thinking but before she could ask, Nicky spoke up. "Piper, you need to calm down, alright?" She said softly.

"So you thought you should kiss me?" Piper asked, not that she really minded though it made her slightly confused. Wasn't Nicky dating Lorna at the moment? Not that that really mattered, she supposed.

"Well, did it work? I could have slapped you in the face to shut you up instead," Nicky commented playfully still trying to cheer Piper up and she could tell it was working.

A small smile graced Piper's lips when she answered. "Yeah it did, thank you,"

"What are friends for?" Nicky shrugged. "But seriously, you need to stop talking like that, you'll be okay, it will all start to feel normal again and you'll survive, yeah?"

"I guess," Piper muttered. They were silent for what seemed like minutes before Piper spoke up again changing the subject. "Uh, so how are things really around here?" Piper asked tentatively.

"Shitty as always, uh Red is still out of the kitchen, but she's workin in the garden now so that's good," She paused. "Um, the black girls got a new leader so to speak. I forget, you smoke?"

Piper shook her head. "I did when I was with Alex before all this, but I quit, why? Are they bringing drugs in?!" She asked in a hushed voice.

Nicky shrugged again. "You didn't hear it from me,"

"Damn it, I knew I smelled smoke on her, fuck," Piper snapped. She really thought Alex had quit, what was she thinking?! Nicky just looked at her curiously. "Alex. When I hugged her this morning, her breath smelled like smoke but I ignored it and had hoped it was my imagination,"  
Nicky nodded and Piper looked at her more seriously then as another thought crossed her mind. "Nichola Nichols, tell me you aren't using that shit either!"

"Fuck Chapman, don't call me that, it sounds funny, and no, I ain't, you think I'd give up two years of stayin clean for one high?!" Nicky chuckled but she could tell Piper wasn't joking around. "No, I ain't using any drugs," Another lie. This wasn't going to be good, she thought dreadfully.

"Well, that's good at least. How close are you with Alex by the way?" Piper asked curiously. "I mean she doesn't know still, does she?"

"We're friends only cause she don't know about us," Nicky gestured between them and Piper nodded.  
"Speaking of that, uh, still keeping it under wraps right? No sense in stirring up trouble with the significant others, eh?"

"I don't know," Piper admitted. She still didn't trust Alex for a second. It seemed like Alex was always willing to lie anything to get what she wanted and Piper, although not always a front runner for the truth, did believe that with Alex she needed to be a little more honest about everything.

"But on the topic of significant others, I know you told me a while ago you fixed things, Morello, how's that going for you?" Piper asked changing the subject once again.

"We're good, she found out her fiancée was a cruel bastard finally, so we're happy, I mean as happy as we could be, we're still in prison," She chuckled and nudged Piper on the shoulder.

"That's great Nicky, I'm happy for you two, I really am," Piper said genuinely. They were quiet for a moment before Piper decided to speak again.

She thought of the different scenarios and came up one thing she could do to lessen the blow with Alex. "I have to tell her Nicky," The wild-haired woman looked at her quizzically. "Alex, I have to tell her about us, there has been too much bullshit between us for me to keep this from her,"

"Are you sure you want to? I mean, shit, you just got back in here with her and you want to piss her off already?! It's like you have a natural need to self-destruct! Jesus Christ," Nicky shook her head.

"I don't know Nicky! Okay! I don't know what the right thing to do is! If I keep it from her and she finds out, it might be a lot worse than if I tell her, but then again I can't do both! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Piper yelped wiping her hands over her face and letting her head fall into her hands that were resting on the table.

Nicky cringed at Piper's comment because she was feeling the exact same way, the only difference was that she couldn't talk about it with anyone. She was going to be royally fucked when Piper finds out, and Nicky knew for certain that Piper would find out and yet she still couldn't bring herself to say anything.

* * *

A few minutes prior, Alex had just finished moving some bags of dirt out to the greenhouse when she caught sight of two people leaving electrical before hugging and then going to sit down at a picnic table. She could barely make out the blonde hair of the taller one and the long curly hair of the shorter one. She assumed it was Piper and Nicky.

The CO that was watching the grounds and maintenance crew had told them they could be done for the day after all the tools were returned to the shed.

Alex didn't use any tools and she didn't really care that much about waiting for the rest of the people to get their shit together so she just made the slow walk up to where Piper and Nicky were.

She was happy to see Piper outside knowing it would make the blonde feel better, but as she got closer to them she could tell Piper was pretty upset still, and she had good reason to be.

Alex hated that Piper was back in here, although she would admit that the blonde looked somewhat less stressed out than she had when she came to visit the week before.

She stopped walking for a moment just over twenty feet away so she could watch them from a distance. She couldn't hear them, but she noticed Nicky saw her but made no move to interrupt Piper.

She tried not to be jealous of Nicky spending time with Piper, it was only natural that Piper would want to be with her friends especially right now. Alex just had a hard time believing that there had been nothing between the two of them, but she wasn't going to pester Piper about it yet. She only hoped that if there was something going on that Piper would talk to her about it. She honestly wouldn't blame Piper for having a relationship with someone else since their fight a month before Chicago, as long as Piper was honest with her about it. She swore if she found out from anyone besides Piper there was going to be trouble.

Alex was pulled out of her thoughts by Piper's raised voice. The blonde was cursing at something and Nicky was just listening but looking rather guilty. Alex wondered why, but she brushed it off as being the fact that Piper was back in here.

She decided then would be as a good a time as any to walk over to them. She stood right behind Piper but the blonde had yet to notice.

"What are we cursing now, Pipes?" Piper heard the familiar rasp of her favorite, untrustworthy, raven-haired, heroin importer. Piper felt Alex's hands gently massaging her shoulders but she kept her head in her hands on the table.

"Hey ya stretch," Nicky greeted casually.

Alex nodded to her and took a seat across from Piper who had still yet to answer or even look at her. "Pipes, what's the matter? Come on, let mama see your pretty face," She said lightly trying to get a reaction from the blonde and it worked because Piper looked up at her.

But instead of Piper speaking, Nicky cut her off. "Y'all have fun, I have to get back to work, Luschek might file a formal complaint if I don't," She gave Piper's shoulder a gentle squeeze as she walked by. "Think about what I said Chapman, don't be stupid," Nicky did not want to be around for whatever conversation they were about to have and so she quickly made her exit.

Piper nodded before turning her full attention to Alex who looked at her with eyes full of concern. Alex took Piper's hands in her own, holding them tightly, but comfortingly. "You okay Pipes?"

"How was work?" Piper avoided the question. "I didn't notice earlier, but you look a lot stronger, and your ass looks better too," Piper grinned slightly trying to hide her frustration.

Alex smirked but shook her head. "Flattery will get you nowhere, seriously, Piper talk to me,"

Piper knew she wouldn't be able to do it as soon as she heard Alex's voice and looked into her concerned eyes. The same eyes that once held comfort and were accepting of her flaws were now untrustworthy and she pleaded with herself not to make the mistake of trusting them at face value again. For all the concern and love that they showed, there was an underlying layer of agendas and lies that Piper was not prepared to admit didn't exist.

She so wanted to just tell Alex everything that was bothering her. All of it laid out on the table and yet how could she, as much as she didn't trust the look in Alex's eyes, it was so beautiful and addicting, she didn't want to destroy it by saying something that would change Alex's expression in any way.

Then again, though, Piper could trust Alex when she was upset or angry. Alex wouldn't use any bullshit because the truth was hurtful enough. Piper knew how to deal with her when she was upset, it was sometimes almost easier than when she was happy. Maybe she should just tell her, Piper thought, then, at least, she'd get an honest reaction, maybe. She thought back to when Alex lied to her and how that had made everything, at least, a hundred times worse between them, and things hadn't improved much, but that thought alone made up her mind.

She had to tell her before things got that bad again, because right now, they were in the realm of being able to fix the shattered pieces of their relationship. This could literally break them again and Piper realized it was better to break sooner while they were still fighting rather than later after they hopefully made up.

She withdrew her hands from Alex's grasp and averted her eyes back to the table. "Al, there was something I wanted to tell you,"

"I couldn't have guessed," Alex said sarcastically chuckling lightly despite Piper's obvious unease. "Should I start guessing or are you going to tell me?" She asked when Piper was quiet again.

"First- okay, it doesn't matter that much but I thought you should know that- " Piper started but the sound of the prison alarm cut her off. Carefully they both got to the ground.

They were lying right next to each other. "Piper, what were you saying?" Alex asked above the alarm.

Piper closed her eyes and shook her head. "It doesn't matter, I'll tell you later," She was not prepared to be back here. She couldn't have this conversation right now. It was her first day back again and already all this fucking drama caught up with her. How predictable. At least, the alarm gave her an excuse to change her topic of discussion. She would just have to tell Alex later and play it off now as just being anger due to her resentencing. She just hoped Alex would buy it.

She waited a moment before standing up after the alarm was turned off. She looked up to see Alex already standing and offering her a hand. "Come on, let's go back inside, it's almost lunch time and I know how much you love the food here,"

Piper took her hand and pulled herself off the ground. "Right, well, I'm just glad you're here to suffer through it with me," Piper said somewhat playfully, still holding onto Alex's hand.

Alex wasn't an idiot. There was probably more than one thing Piper wasn't telling her, but she would let Piper tell her on her own because she knew there was still more than a little mistrust between them. She smirked though at Piper's comment and pulled Piper a little closer to her so she could place a quick gentle kiss on her cheek as they trekked back inside. "Me too kid,"

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 **A/N So, going back to the style of the first few chapters, good or bad decision? Let me know what you thought (remember, though, that is it a slight AU so please be gentle, although hate for certain characters is expected) and stay tuned for more.**


	10. Chapter 10

**_A/N_ Hey! Sorry for the delay, but I tried to make this chapter a little bit longer since it has been such a long time since the last update. I hope you all enjoy it, and by the way, thank you to all of those who have read and reviewed, y'all are awesome! **

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Piper followed tentatively behind Alex on their way to the cafeteria. She actually had no desire to eat after their conversation. She wasn't hungry. Not in the slightest, and she didn't understand quite what she was feeling until she stopped in the doorway of the cafeteria.

It was dread and an undeniable sense of embarrassment for being stuck in there again. Out of everyone, she knew most people never thought to see her again and thus the social torment would be considerably worse for her because they expected her to be able to keep her shit together and the fact that she couldn't was a failure in and of itself.

Thoughts of her guilt washed over her. She failed again. She couldn't meet the expectations set before her again. She wasn't good enough. She was surprised her family didn't disown her already, and now she had to face the fact that now she had let down those around her on the inside.

She thought she couldn't feel any worse in that moment, but she was wrong. The tall brunette turned around to see she had stopped a few feet behind her and their eyes locked, emerald green meeting ocean blue.

She hadn't thought of it until right then, but the person she had probably disappointed the most was standing right in front of her. Tall, dark, and gorgeous, but undoubtedly unhappy with her no matter what she said or how she acted. How could she have been so stupid?

She couldn't stop the tears from trailing silently down her face and in an instant Alex was at her side, her eyes showing nothing but concern for the blonde, though Piper was a little preoccupied with her thoughts to notice.

Alex wrapped an arm around her shoulder and led her slowly into the noisy room that got considerably quieter when people started to notice Piper had returned.

"Ooo, look who it is," Black Cindy hollered.

"Oh shit, Taylor Swift is back!" Janae added.

Piper lowered her eyes to the floor as she trudged forward. She felt Alex's hand on her shoulder and she could feel how close behind her the taller woman was when she spoke.

"Shh, you're alright Pipes," Alex whispered. "You're okay,"

Piper had almost stopped the tears until she heard her nickname, she lost it as more silent tears flowed over her cheeks, her emotions exacerbated by the situation. It was all becoming too much for her and keeping quiet was the only thing she could muster. She didn't dare try to answer Alex or even thank her because she knew the second she opened her mouth she wouldn't be able to keep herself under any sort of control and that's what she needed, as much control as the situation would allow.

She followed quietly through the line, each of the servers eyeing her with mixed looks of smugness and spite while others showed hints of consolation and sympathy, and even though sympathy was the last thing she wanted from anyone, she wasn't going to say anything.

She got to the end of the line and caught Gloria's eyes. "Well well well, what do we have here? Welcome back blondie,"

Piper nodded and got her tray of food that she had no intention of eating and followed Alex to the table where Red, Morello, and Boo were sitting.

Piper sat down across from Alex and next to Morello, keeping her eyes fixed on her food. She had completely blocked out the rest of the room and hadn't noticed the people around her get quiet until she felt someone place their hand over her own. She looked up to see it was Alex who had reached across the table to break her out of her thoughts.

"Pipes?" Alex said quietly withdrawing her hand now she had the blonde's attention.

"What?" Piper's voice was thick and it was clear she had been crying even if she hadn't been completely sobbing.

"How you doin hun?" Red asked in what Piper could tell was probably the softest tone she had ever heard the older Russian use with her and it made her smile, even if it was small.

Piper sniffled and was aware of how unconvincing her answer would be but decided to go with it anyways. "Fine, I'll be fine," Piper said, her voice as strong as she could expect.

"You sure? If there's anythin I can do, Chapman," Morello added.

"Thanks," Piper muttered.

"Never expected to see you back here, at least you had some time on the outside, bet that was nice," Boo spoke up.

Piper had been so focused on being back that she hadn't thought about her life outside that much. But now that she did she realized it had completely gone to shit. Her parents had tried to toss her back into society and it was hard for her to adjust. Her parents had forced her to go out with guys she wouldn't dream of dating. It was like she was stuck in elementary school again. Her parents fussed over what she ate, who she spent time with, and the way her appearance affected the family image. She was sick of it.

On top of her own emotional struggles of being out of prison, her grandmother died and her brother had gotten married, both of which were extremely emotionally taxing on her.

Now that she thought about it, it was almost easier to be in here where she didn't have to live up to any expectations of her family and she didn't have to deal with the trivial annoyances of everyday life.

"Yeah, nice, sure, it was nice," Piper answered quietly, keeping her head low, and her eyes cast downwards.

"I know you were probably busy, but in your letter you said you'd stop by the diner, did you by chance have the time?" Red asked distractedly glancing around the large room, clearly on edge about something.

Piper had dried her eyes only minutes before and now they were wet again. She had stopped by, and it wasn't good. She didn't think it wise to lie about it, not since she could tell her eyes were betraying her anyways. "I did," Piper fidgeted with her hands, unable to look at Red. "It-um-it was closed,"

Red seemed to understand but she had to ask anyways. "What time did you go?"

"Around noon," Piper glanced up at her. "Red, I'm so sorry,"

"You knew this whole time and you didn't think of letting me know?!" Red asked gruffly. Piper didn't know what to say, but she would admit that she felt a little angry with the fact that she had even visited the Russian diner was more than she was obligated to do and yet now Red was upset with her for it. It wasn't her fault.

Nicky came to sit down on the other side of Alex just as Piper found the nerve to answer. "I'm sorry Red, I really am, but I had things to do as if coming to visit every weekend wasn't enough time I spent thinking about this place,"

Red scoffed at her. "Oh right, you had to attend to what? Your fancy soaps and dinner parties with your family, poor you,"

Piper felt her eyes burn with hot tears that she had no hope in stopping from spilling down her cheeks. "I had to help plan a fuckin wedding, and if that wasn't enough stress to take over my life, I had to plan a funeral for my grandmother who died," Piper spat angrily towards the Russian. Alex watched the blonde quietly. She couldn't believe how completely unaware of Piper's situation she had been. Nicky hadn't said anything and Piper didn't mention any of that in her letters, understandably so, but still.

"Not to mention the death threats I got on a fairly regular basis," Alex cringed at the pain in Piper's tone. She caught Piper's eyes when the blonde glanced at her for a split second before Piper was back to focusing on Red, but the anger, hurt, and devastation Alex saw in them scared her and she wasn't scared of much. "So do excuse me if your business wasn't the only thing on my mind," Piper continued, unaware of Alex's silent thoughts.

"We all have lives, you might try thinking about more than your own," Red sneered cruelly.

"Red, cool it, give her a break, it's not her fault, and she had her own problems to deal with," Nicky added. "Besides, you don't got time to worry about the outside when you are busy tryin to fight the drug lord over there," Nicky nodded to the table where the African American women were sitting.

"Maybe you're right, or maybe you knew about this for some time now too, she came to see you every weekend, do you think I'm going to believe she didn't tell you?" Red accused.

Nicky shook her head in disbelief. "Red listen to yourself, why would I keep that from you?! Stop talking crazy. You're lucky she did you a favor, you should be thanking her!" Nicky argued.

"You don't need to defend her, she's a big girl. She can take responsibility for her mistakes," Red said and looked back to Piper who had calmed herself down again.

"She didn't do anything wrong, let it go," Nicky demanded, now on the verge of sounding upset herself. As if the situation wasn't stressful enough for her as it was, she didn't need to get on Red's bad side, especially right now.

"Says the one who was sleeping with her," Red muttered lowly, but just loud enough for all of them to hear, and the table got silent.

"Damn it Red..." Nicky growled and Alex narrowed her eyes at Piper, but the blonde avoided looking at anyone besides Red, and she looked totally shocked. That expression didn't last long, though, as it quickly changed to one of pure anger.

"Nicky shut up!" Piper pushed herself up from the table, fuming and stared right at the older woman. "You're right Red, I fucked up, as usual, but there's nothing I can do about it now. This was all on me, she had no idea, I should have told you, but I'm a distracted, narcissistic, self-absorbed, fuck up, what can you do?!" She finished sarcastically and walked away. She hadn't even lied to the older woman and still the pain of the delayed information Piper gave her, only reminded the blonde that she still needed to explain to Alex, but thanks to Red she would be lucky if Alex would talk to her. She didn't stay to find out, though. She already felt like the world was collapsing in around her, staying only would have made things worse. She knew she would be better off alone because that's what she knew she deserved; to be alone.

"Piper!" "Pipes-wait," Nicky and Alex called simultaneously before casting warning glares at each other.

Piper didn't stop walking, though, and she pushed roughly past a few African American women, but before she could get too far one of them grabbed her by the arm, apparently disgruntled by her interference.

"You're a feisty one aren't you," Piper glared at the taller woman and struggled to get herself free.

"Get the fuck off me," Piper snapped, ripping her arm out of the woman's grasp.

Alex watched and listened to Piper's interaction with Vee, and was close to jumping up to intervene when Piper got herself free and carried on out of the cafeteria. Alex glanced back at Nicky who was standing now looking like she too was about to walk over there, but she didn't as soon as Piper left, instead she leaned over the table towards Red.

"You need to get your shit together because whatever that was with Chapman-" She gestured in the direction Piper went. "was uncalled for,"

Red shook her head wearily. "You're right. It's the stress, go make sure she's alright won't you," She said, her tone softer. "I wouldn't want her trying to off herself already on her first day back," She added off handedly. Nicky and Alex both just stared back at her, horrified by Red's comment, though, if it was possible, Nicky looked more offended than Alex did.

"Don't you fuckin dare talk to me about that," Nicky ground through her teeth. "You would like that though wouldn't you?!"

Red rolled her eyes but noted that something was off with Nicky's mood since Piper got back and she was curious. "And why is that? I have nothing against her,"

"You mean not including that she has been a royal pain to you since she got here and she withheld information from you?" Nicky retorted.

"So what, that doesn't mean I want to see her dead," Red responded. "unlike other persons around here," She said vaguely.

"Exactly," Nicky stated.

"So we agree, and that's why I suggested you go talk to her," Red added. "now go on, go get her,"

Nicky shook her head, her hair going all over the place. "Fuck that, I'm sure her _girlfriend_ would rather see to her, I have to go," Nicky eyed Alex who was deciding whether or not to confront Piper and she was feeling like she probably should. Before Alex responded to Nicky's comment, the shorter woman walked away, but Alex didn't mind, she could deal with Nicky later.

"What's got into her? One second she's all for defending Chapman and the next not willing to even talk to her?" Lorna asked the older woman after a moment.

"How the hell should I know? Why don't you go ask _Chapman_ , you and I both know how _close_ they are," Red sneered.

"Yeah, well, _Chapman_ might prefer not to comment on that particular subject," Alex said and at that she got up, cleared her tray and left, she was going to do just what Red suggested, she was going to ask Piper what was going on, and if she was lucky they could talk it through without so much drama. That was pretty unlikely, though, after all, it was Piper Chapman they were talking about.

She walked through the halls until she ended up at Piper's temporary room. She stopped at the door when she heard muffled sobs coming from inside. She stepped into the doorway immediately noting that Piper was alone.

The other inmates were all somewhere else, and Piper was facing away from her with her head and hands pressed against the wall, but based on the blonde's lack of reaction towards her entrance into the room, Piper hadn't noticed her yet.

Alex was pretty damn pissed about almost the entire conversation she had just endured, but for her own sake as well as Piper's, she was going to give Piper one last chance to explain.

She took a few tentative steps closer so she could place her hands gently on Piper's shoulders, pulling her away from the wall revealing a fresh bloodstain. She quickly turned the blonde around and looked her up and down looking for the source of the crimson substance.

Piper didn't flinch and though she was looking in Alex's direction, her eyes were glazed over and clearly brimming with tears. "Don't even bother to tell me to leave Pipes, I'm not going anywhere, now where did this blood come from?" Alex asked harshly, making it clear that the blonde was not going to have a choice in this matter.

"Get on with the insults and criticisms already, but let me know when you're done so I can get back to my self-loathing," Piper muttered lifting her hand into Alex's view, showing off her bloody knuckles.

"Pipes, you need to get these cleaned up," Alex held Piper's hand gently in her own, but at the mention of getting them looked at Piper pulled her hand away and turned away from her at the same time.

Alex watched the blonde silently for a few moments while she wiped off the blood with some tissues she had lying around and finally wrapped her hand up with a bandage she...just happened to have? Alex didn't know what was up with Piper, but she didn't ask.

They were silent for a minute longer before Alex spoke. "Sorry about your grandmother, Pipes," Alex said softly. "At least you went to the funeral,"

"At least," Piper responded quietly. She was not giving Alex anything and Alex didn't know what to say next. Alex was hoping Piper would say something else that could lead to more of an actual conversation, but Piper said nothing else.

They were both quiet for a few more moments, Alex stepped behind Piper again so she was close enough to mindlessly trace undefined patterns on Piper's shoulder blade, and Piper stayed motionless facing the wall. "When did you start smoking again?" Piper broke the silence surprising Alex with that question.

"Smoking what exactly?"

Piper cut herself off from Alex's touch and turned to face her, so she could glance up at the raven-haired woman. "I don't know, whatever it is you smoke, I can smell it on you so you can't lie to me,"

Alex sighed, leave it to Piper to focus on the unimportant things right now. "Only a few days ago, that phone call with you had me freaked out, okay? I was worried, and I needed something, anything to ease the nerves, ya know?" She knew it was a bad excuse, but it made sense, and it was true. She had been genuinely worried for Piper, and if the blonde hadn't shown back up at the prison, she didn't know how she'd have handled losing her like that.

Piper placed a hand gently on Alex's forearm. "I'm sorry," Alex looked her in the eyes and could see Piper was more than sorry, she was beating herself up over it. "As you can see, here I am, perfectly happy and healthy," Piper said with the fakest, most unbelievable tone Alex may have ever heard her use, and it was clear Piper didn't even try to be convincing about it. "Well I guess that's just one more way I fucked up someone's life, I'll be sure to add 'drug use due to worry' to the list of things that are my fault," Piper ranted under her breath, almost inaudible to Alex. Piper rubbed her hand over her now painfully bruised knuckles and moved to sit down on the bed underneath her own. After another second of Alex watching Piper gaze at her hands, the blonde spoke. "You should stop though, there are a lot of negative health effects,"

Alex would have been happy to hear that Piper was still trying to look out for her, but the blonde was an emotional wreck and it made her feel awful because she felt responsible for most of it. Though, her guilty conscience was the least of her concern right now, because she needed Piper to be more honest with her. She didn't know what she would do if she couldn't get the blonde to talk to her. She didn't think she could go through this whole game of cat and mouse again, going in circles, back and forth around the answers to questions they both needed to face.

"No need to worry Pipes, I'll quit, I'm done," She promised and Piper smiled softly up at her. The caring look of what Alex liked to imagine was love in Piper's crystal blue eyes when she looked up at her, made her promise worth it already, but she couldn't stop herself from adding a contingency that she knew would instantly remove that look from Piper's face. "If-" Piper's face fell immediately, just as Alex had predicted in her head, obviously the blonde realized she would be at the expense of whatever Alex wanted. "You tell me the truth,"

Piper looked hesitant. "The truth about what?"

Alex looked at her knowingly. "Is there more than one thing?" She asked rhetorically before giving a quick eye roll and adding: "Everything Piper,"

Piper didn't respond right away, but instead crossed and uncrossed her legs before just deciding to stand up again and pace around the room slowly while she answered, looking everywhere except at Alex's face. She wasn't a fan of when other people paced, but she did it so rarely that she didn't even think about it. "I don't want you to be upset with me," She suddenly felt like a child who was afraid of being reprimanded by her mother because she was afraid if she told the truth, any hope of trust would vanish and she wouldn't be able to get it back.

"I'd say it's too late for that, just start talking," Alex's husky voice took on a sharpened tone that made Piper pause in her steps and cringe. Thankfully for Piper, at that very moment, she had her back to Alex and so the brunette couldn't see the pained expression on her face. "Why don't you start with what you were really going to tell me earlier before you were interrupted by the alarm," Alex prompted and at that Piper turned around to face her.

"I was going to tell you- just so you were aware, and I don't want this to change things between us, even though, I guess it's too late for that- but what Red said was true," Piper mumbled. "Nicky and I- while you were in the SHU- we ended it when I left for Chicago, and we're only friends now, I swear!" Piper said quickly, watching for Alex's reaction carefully.

They were both quiet. Alex was thinking back to her time in the SHU, and then to everything since then. Piper could see the fire of hurt and anger flash in Alex's eyes and she felt crushed to know that she caused that pain when she didn't mean to.

"So that's why you seemed fine with visiting her instead of me every week," Alex stated, her voice full of realization, as she looked back into Piper's eyes that were clearly reflecting her own pain right back at her.

"Excuse me? You thought I was fine?!" Piper narrowed her eyes at the brunette. "How the hell are you that blind? You aren't stupid, Alex, and you aren't ignorant either, there is no way you thought I was fine, especially since the one time I didn't show up you actually called me to make sure I was okay, which means you must have known I was definitely not _fine_ ," Piper snapped harshly. "So don't you dare say that to me. The only reason I didn't visit you was because you wouldn't let me!" She growled. "How long was I supposed to go on asking about you, always writing to get any kind of response from you, which I continued to do, by the way?! How long was I supposed to do that for?" Of course, Alex didn't have an answer, how could she? She never really came up with a good reason for ignoring Piper except that she was angry about...something? She didn't have a clear reason for that either anymore.

"At least when I was with Nicky I didn't have to try so hard. She would never ignore me, she was consistently there for me, and she seemed like she might have actually cared about my wellbeing when I so clearly had no one else, both before and after I got out. She never pretended I was fine. I could talk to her about everything and anything and there was no judgement, because she was there and she cared, Alex," Piper said mostly to get a reaction out of Alex, but also because she wanted Alex to fight for this and she knew one of the easiest ways to get to her was through jealousy. "That's how I used to feel with you. That's how I want to feel, Alex,"

"So why are you talking to me?! Go find Nicky if she's so great for you!" Alex knew it was unfair of her to be jealous, and she tried so hard not to be since Piper said she was only friends with the other woman, it was just very difficult.

"I don't want Nicky; I want you Alex! How can you not see that?! After all of this, do you actually believe I wouldn't rather have sat across from you every weekend?!" Piper questioned.

"I don't know," Alex answered honestly.

"You don't know? Fuck you Alex. I'm not the one who refused to visit am I? No, that was you, and anyways, Nicky and I were friends before, and like I said, we're only friends now," Piper crossed the room and sat on the metal locker by the door and folded her arms across her chest.

Piper had a point, it wasn't the blonde's fault they couldn't talk to each other. Piper, after all, _had_ tried everything. She had written and she had given multiple messages to Nicky, but Alex didn't respond to any of them and there was nothing Piper could do about it.

Alex watched Piper carefully. As much as she hated herself for not contacting the blonde, she still wasn't over it. "Why didn't Nicky tell me what you were going through? Why didn't I know what was going on!?" That was one of the stupidest questions she could have asked because she knew that was her fault too.

Piper scoffed at her. "She told me that you wouldn't entertain a conversation with any relation to me...so I told her that it wasn't worth her effort to try to talk to you about it anymore," Piper paused and looked down at her hands. "You obviously had your reasons, whatever they were, but I was having a rough time, okay? I told her not to tell you about us because I knew you would push her away, and then I'd have no way to know how you were, and I don't think I would have made it without that," Piper said solemnly.

"You didn't make it, though, because here you are, back in this hell hole," Alex stated bluntly.

Piper didn't answer right away. "The fact that I'm here, means that I made it, I am still alive, Alex, that's what I mean," She said more adamantly, but she was still gazing at her hands and at the blood that started to seep through the bandage. "What did I do to you?" She asked after another pause.

"What are you talking about?" Alex raised an eyebrow at her, trying to comprehend all of what Piper was telling her and the meanings behind it.

"Was it before or after the trial? What did I do to make you so angry?!" Piper asked sounding exasperated by the situation.

Alex thought a moment if she should tell Piper everything, maybe if Piper would tell

her the truth, then so would she. "Let's recap shall we?" Piper waited for her to continue. "You almost chose your uppity boyfriend over me-"

"But I didn't!" Piper interjected. Alex glared at her.

"I wasn't finished," The brunette responded harshly and Piper looked down again, waiting for her to continue. "Then, as if that wasn't enough, you had this crazy idea to kill yourself! I mean for fucks sake, what were you thinking?!" Piper opened her mouth to respond but Alex didn't give her a chance to answer. "After that, you didn't give me a chance to fix anything before you pushed me away again," She took a step closer to the blonde making her look back at up at her. "Because of you, I went to the SHU for god knows how long, while you were free to fuck whoever you wanted!" This time, Piper did interrupt.

"You were in there for about one month or so, and that was not my fault! You beat the shit out of Doggett _on your own_! And as for the feelings that caused you to lash out at her, well you should have thought about that before lying to me! Or better yet, why didn't you just accept that I chose you?! None of this would have happened! None of it! We could be peacefully serving our time, or maybe neither of us would be in prison anymore because the trust we had in each other _wouldn't_ have been broken before we went to trial! So do excuse me for saying this, but most of this is your fault!" Piper was now standing and pointing her finger violently in Alex's direction as she spoke.

"My fault? All of this is my fault?" Alex didn't expect Piper to outright blame her for everything so she was so taken aback that she was smiling humorlessly before her expression turned dangerously serious and defensive again. "Okay, what else are you going to blame me for, huh? I didn't make you tell the truth in court, I didn't put the target on your back, I didn't call your parole officer. I'm not the reason you're in here, and I'm _not_ the bad guy here," Alex responded sharply.

"Oh no? You're not the bad guy?" Piper took a second to look around the room before she continued. "Funny, cause it looks to me like you're in prison. Good guys don't go to prison Alex, we're all bad guys in here," Piper spat venomously. "And maybe you're right, maybe you didn't do anything and you were just a neutral party to the drama going on around you, but I wasn't-"

"Oh don't play the victim, you're just as guilty of causing this mess we're in as I am!" Alex interrupted.

"So you admit you're partially at fault, and so you understand, I never said I wasn't, but everything I did, I did with you in mind," Piper stated defiantly.

Alex rolled her emerald eyes at her. "And what? Is that supposed to make me feel guilty or make me feel sorry for you?"

Piper balled her hands into fists and took a deep breath before she relaxed again so she could respond with the minimum amount of conflicting emotion in her voice. "Neither, but I want you to understand that I still-"

"You still what?" Alex cut her off when Piper's voice waivered.

The blonde looked pained. As though she wanted to spit something out, but she couldn't or wouldn't.

Piper sighed and changed her mind about what she was going to say. "What do you want from me, Al- because I can't keep doing this with you,"

The tall brunette pushed her glasses to the top of her head and wiped a hand over her face before answering, the tension in the room slowly dissipating. "I want the same thing I wanted at the beginning of this. I want you to be honest with me,"

Piper smiled humorlessly and shook her head. "Where was your honesty at the trial? You could have been free, we could have been together,"

Alex didn't know how to answer. How could she expect Piper to be honest with her if she didn't do the same? While she was thinking, she didn't answer, and Piper became impatient. So she spits out the main thing that was still on her mind and that was probably a mistake. "But that's not what you wanted either is it?! You didn't try very hard for us to be together. How was Nicky though? I hope it was fun while it lasted because it seems as if even she is done with you," Alex said venomously, but there was still one question that was nagging at her and she might as well ask it. "Why, though?" Her voice was quieter and more insecure than before and that surprised Piper enough to make her look up at the brunette.

Piper's voice was rough and she had tears in her eyes. "Because I didn't think I would ever see you again! They took you away and I was in a bad place for a long time, if I had known that you would come back, and that we'd be here right now I wouldn't have, but I had no idea, and I know I hurt you, but I don't know if you fully understand the devastation that you caused in my life, and it wasn't even your fault, it was mine, but still…," Piper smiled slightly and Alex thought that was odd. "If you really care about me, you should be on your hands and knees thanking Nicky, because if she hadn't been there for me, I would be dead, no question, I would have died in the yard Christmas eve, or I would have found a way to off myself sometime later, but Nicky was there and she wouldn't let me. I owe her my life. She saved me more than once and most of the time she didn't even mean to, she didn't even realize that every time I came to visit, I was closer and closer to the edge, but every time, she would remind me of why I wanted to live, so I would make it through each week at a time waiting for the weekend to arrive so I could drive down here and be reminded,"

The jealousy that Alex felt now was overwhelming. How could Piper sit there and tell her about how great someone else was for her, but then at the same time make it sound like something else. She couldn't handle this. "What did she do for you that I couldn't? What didn't I give you that you needed or wanted? What could she possibly remind you of that made you want to keep living?!" Alex asked incredulously. "Besides me, of course," She added sarcastically.

Piper's eyes were watery and she was clearly trying hard to school her features and steady her voice before she spoke. "Yes. You. She reminded me of you,"

Alex just stared at her as if this was some huge admission from the blonde. She didn't say anything though before Piper continued. "And every week that I came down here, I got to hear about what went on and the kinds of things you two had been up to. She could only give me that because you wouldn't. She didn't usually say much, but when she did, she spoke so fondly of you and that was all I needed to make it to the next week," Piper trailed off and messed with the bandages on her hands again. "Maybe it most of it wasn't true, and maybe she didn't really believe what she was saying, but she knew me well enough to know that it was what I needed to hear, and that's more than I got from even you yourself, and I know it sounds crazy, but believe it or not, it saved my life,"

Alex was a little stunned, she didn't have a response that she felt right adding so she just stood there watching Piper silently. The blonde shifted uncomfortably under her gaze, she obviously was hoping for Alex to say something, anything at this point and Alex knew that, but she couldn't make herself say anything.

When Alex didn't say anything in response, Piper took the silence as a sign that she was not forgiven and that things were not alright. She dried her eyes and cleared her throat. "The thing about honesty, Alex is that it's a two-way street," Piper moved to walk past her before she stopped when she thought of something to add. "If you can't handle the truth then don't ask for it," She muttered before she left Alex alone.

Alex sighed and stepped into the hall after the blonde, finally finding the ability to move again, but Piper wasn't within sight anymore. Alex didn't know how she should deal with all of this. It was one area where the little experience she had wasn't enough. She didn't know if she ever had to deal with someone cheating on her, not that that is what actually happened, but it was similar? Right? But what made it complicated was that Piper admitted it and was torn apart because of it, and not only that, but she had quite a bit of time trapped in this place with the very person Piper 'cheated' on her with. It didn't help that that person had also saved Piper's life and now seemed like they would be forever in the blonde's good graces. She knew she would have to make it up to the blonde somehow, it wasn't fair of her to shove all of this drama, with the power to wreak total emotional havoc, on an already emotionally unstable person, on their first day back in prison no less. Granted Piper did it to herself, Alex knew she was the cause for most of the problems here and sooner rather than later, she would have to accept responsibility for it.

It didn't help that she felt like she only had bits and pieces of the story. There was something not quite right with the situation with Nicky. The wild-haired woman was not acting herself and Alex had no doubt that it had more to do with Piper's return than either would admit. Piper had told her multiple times that there was nothing serious between the two of them and that they were just friends, but she had this feeling that she couldn't explain, that there was something the blonde either wasn't aware of or was covering up.

Alex spent a few minutes looking for the blonde before giving up and going back to her bunk. She didn't realize how tired she was until she laid down on her uncomfortable bed. The past few days had been more stressful for her than she thought, and after her ceaseless worrying about Piper she was exhausted. Now that she knew exactly where Piper was, though, she closed her eyes and quickly drifted to sleep, her last waking thoughts, that soon turned to dreams, revolved about only the blonde and nothing else.

* * *

Piper left her room and wandered around for a few minutes. It was horrifying how familiar walking those halls was to her and how quickly she was already feeling like this was where she was supposed to be. She no longer felt like her sentence was unjust. She didn't have the feeling of being judged for her outer appearance, but she now constantly felt like she was judged for the simple fact that she had returned so quickly.

When she arrived the first time, she wanted nothing more than to keep herself distant, and she wanted the same this time but having the experience it was going to be harder, especially since she knew almost everyone here now. As familiar as it was, it seemed so different too. There was a different dynamic between the different groups of inmates, it seemed tenser than when she was last here.

If the welcoming shouts she got when she got to the cafeteria were any indication, she assumed there was a new deeper rift between the black girls and the white girls. The Latinos seems as if they were just as riled up too, making for an all-around bad situation.

Every time she had visited, she asked for updates from Nicky about the conditions and all the new drama, it was always more interesting to her than her life on the outside and it gave her something else to focus on and distract herself with. Nicky never could give her all the details though as people were always listening. It was an understatement that while hearing about Nicky's prison life, she missed being part of it, to an extent.

She found herself walking down the hallway towards the library. She remembered that as one of the places she was able to find the most peace while she was here. After her conversation with Alex, it made sense that she would subconsciously lead herself there.

She rounded the corner into the smaller room that smelled mildly of mildew. It was empty except for Poussey who Piper could barely see behind a bookshelf.

The other woman hadn't looked up when Piper entered. "How many times I got to tell you?! I ain't dealin with your shit no more so get the fuck out! And leave me alone!"

Piper was stunned. The other woman sounded shaky even when she had clearly tried to make her voice sound strong. Piper edged around the corner of the bookshelf carefully. "Poussey?" Piper said quietly, not wanting to startle her.

The younger woman turned around slowly and looked up at Piper. She was obviously confused. "Chapman?"

"Yeah, I got in this morning," She said matter-of-factly. "Are you alright?" She noticed the slightly limp in Poussey's step as she walked around to sit down at the table.

"I'll be alright, what about you, though, shit...what happened, I never thought I'd see ya again, not here at least," Poussey said as Piper can to sit across from her.

Piper contemplated explaining herself but chose against it. "I just made some shitty decisions when I got out. It was hard to readjust to life outside," Poussey nodded. "But Jesus Christ, everything seems different in here, what the hell happened?"

Poussey smirked. "Way too much, this place has gone from being mildly unbearable straight to hell on a first class flight,"

Piper glanced around the room as if she needed to confirm that they were still alone. "Who's your new 'leader" and what the fuck is her problem?" She used air quotes, and Poussey just looked at her seriously.

She looked around quickly as well, but they were still alone. "Let me guess, tall, vicious, psychotic, with curly ass hair and a raspy voice like she smokes three packs a day, that has a following of people you used to think were your friends!?" Piper nodded hesitantly at the tone of anger in the younger woman's voice. "That would be Vee, and she ain't my leader. The others may follow her blindly, but not me. Taystee can do whatever the fuck she wants but that don't mean I got to do it too just cause Vee snaps her fucking fingers. I ain't her pet." She continued venomously.

"Vee did this to you?" Piper motioned to some of the bruising on Poussey's face and arms.

"No," Washington looked away.

"Taystee?" Piper guessed again, seeing the distressed look on the girl's face.

"It wasn't her. Vee. She made the others...the others did it,"

Piper made a face of disgust. "What the fuck is wrong with them?!"

"Vee. She's got them all doing her bidding. I bet they're plottin to take Red out and raise their fucking profits at the same time, right now," Poussey scoffed bitterly.

"Hold up a second, they got a problem with Red?" Piper asked suddenly concerned, she may have had a conflict with Red earlier, but that didn't mean she didn't care for the older Russian woman.

"Yeah, before. Vee used to be top dog. She and Red have a nasty past I guess, man, don't get involved, be thankful you ain't part of it," Poussey said. "You need to keep your ass out of it too, don't get all involved in shit you don't got business in, Vee ain't messin 'round. Stay outta her way,"

Piper nodded, thankful for the warning, although, she got the feeling that they should change the subject of the conversation. "You said profits, are they the one's bringin drugs in?"

"I ain't sayin nuthin," Poussey moved to get up.

Piper took that as a yes. "Alright, well, how are things besides that?"

Poussey shifted uncomfortably. "That's about it, there ain't nuthin else going on in here, same old same old, what bout you, though, you gotta tell me bout being out so I got somethin to think bout besides this hell hole,"

Piper thought for a moment about something she could talk about without sounding like her uppity, rich, white girl self. "Uh- my life is pretty boring, you wouldn't want to hear about it, my problems aren't nearly as bad as everyone else's," Poussey was up standing in front of a bookshelf organizing a few paperbacks.

The younger woman paused her actions and turned to face Piper who was still seated but was watching her intently. "Oh shut the fuck up Chapman, just talk, please?"

Poussey turned back to the books. "So do you want me to shut up or do you want me to talk about my annoying family?" The younger woman dropped her head, clearly grinning about how Piper caught the flaw in her request.

"Just talk, will ya?"

Piper grinned, and she didn't realize that she had forgotten what it was like to feel happy even if for a brief moment for the past few hours. She started talking about how her parents made her go to dinner with her ex-fiancé Larry, and how she later found out that he was currently dating her best friend Polly. Poussey was quickly entertained to the point that she joined Piper at the table again so she could listen to Piper rant about how messed up her family drama was. And to be honest, Piper felt good being able to talk to someone else who didn't really know her. She talked about how strange it was to eat actual food and how she found it hard to sleep in a real bed for the first few weeks. Poussey didn't buy it, though. She bet she would sleep like a baby and eat like a king without even thinking of prison once. Piper, of course, told her she was wrong and that almost every waking minute she was reminded of prison when she wasn't worried about her safety that was, but she didn't mention that.

She didn't realize how long she had been sitting there until Poussey mentioned going to dinner. Piper got up and followed the younger woman out into the hallway, but parted ways with her shortly after.

She walked the halls, familiarizing herself with where everything was. She wasn't going to dinner. She wasn't hungry and she didn't want to talk to Alex. She'd really like to talk with Nicky some more, but she hadn't seen her. She stopped just outside of the cafeteria, but she didn't see Nicky inside.

She swiftly turned around though when she felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Doggett. "Chapman"

"Doggett, what is it?" She asked unenthused.

"Well, I got some questions for ya 'bout, ya know," The other woman said vaguely nudging her gently.

Piper looked at her skeptically, very confused. "What?"

"You know, the lesbian organization," Doggett whispered.

Piper did her best to suppress an eye roll, and apparently she was successful because the other woman was not looking at her with contempt, but clearly she wouldn't get out of this. She put a hand on the shorter woman's shoulder and guided her away from the cafeteria. "What is it that you want to know now?" She asked when they were out of earshot of most other people.

"I got a few questions," Tucky said somewhat timidly.

"Go on," Piper prompted.

"Firstly, how do I go about talkin to your leader Boo 'bout joinin?" She asked and Piper almost laughed but she managed not to.

"Cookies. Be sure to have cookies with you. It makes every conversation with her easier, and there's no way she can say no to you," Piper said thinking quickly.

"Cookies? Where the fuck am I supposed to get cookies?" The shorter woman asked incredulously.

"That's part of the challenge, it shows Boo you are smart enough to get them. Is that all?" Piper asked, feigning impatience.

"No, what's the initiation, cause I ain't lickin nobody's pussy," Piper smirked.

"You do realize that might be part of it right? And if not, at the very least you'll probably have to kiss someone," Piper added.

Tiffany just looked at her like that was obvious. "So?"

"A girl, Doggett, you'll have to be able to kiss a girl without getting grossed out. One sign of being homophobic and you got no chance. You'll be forced to be one of our slaves when we take over," Piper said gravely and Doggett looked at her with wide eyes. "There ya go, now see ya later, I have to go now,"

Doggett grabbed Piper's arm before she could get too far away. "I don't know if I can do that. Chapman, you have to help me,"

Piper looked at her like she was crazy, which she kind of was. "Help you how?"

"I don't know, you're the expert here, kiss me or somethin, I don't know how, but I can't fail, I don't want to be a slave," Doggett said quickly and Piper just stared at her.

Piper pulled her arm away from the other woman. What the fuck was going on? She must be going crazy because Doggett sounded way too serious and it was now mildly starting to scare her. She wondered for a second what kind of brain damage she could have after a beating like the one Alex gave her. She needed some reason to get away from the shorter woman without kissing her so she said quickly as she stepped away: "Why don't you talk to Boo about it first, who knows, she might take mercy on you and there might be no initiation for you at all,"

The short brunette looked relieved. "Thank you, Chapman, when should I talk to her?"

Piper had started walking away but she turned back to answer. "Tomorrow night. Think about what you want to say until then," With that, Piper escaped down the hallway, away from Doggett and the rest of the women who were all in the cafeteria.

Piper turned a corner and almost ran into someone she didn't recognize at first. "Daya?"

"Oh hey Chapman, I heard you were back," The younger woman said.

Piper stepped back and glanced her up and down. "Wow, how long has it been, you look great, how do you feel?"

"Oh only about three months or so," Daya said. "I'm just glad I'm over the morning sickness, finally,"

"That's great, Daya," Piper grinned.

"It's really good...or bad to see you again, I'm sorry, I don't really know what to say," The younger woman said.

Piper couldn't help but grin. "That's alright, you aren't alone. It's good to see you, but not so great to be back, ya know," Piper momentarily got distracted when she saw Nicky over Daya's shoulder.

Daya nodded sensing Piper's shifted attention. "Hey, I'll see you around alright, you need to catch me up on how life outside was too,"

Piper was thankful that their conversation was short. She nodded in goodbye and walked quickly around her in the direction Nicky had gone. She turned another corner and found the wild-haired woman talking to Morello who grinned when Piper walked up to them.

"Hey Chapman," The short brunette said when Piper came up behind Nicky who practically jumped out of her skin when Piper put her hand gently on her shoulder. It was like she had been burned by Piper's hand and Piper couldn't help but wonder why she had never been jumpy around her before.

"Hey guys," Piper said uncertainly now that Nicky seemed to be nervously shifting her weight between her feet.

"Hey Chapman," Nicky muttered quietly. "I gotta go, I'll see ya later," She turned to walk away but she stopped abruptly when Piper called after her.

"Nicky, wait, I wanted to talk to you," Piper said. Nicky turned but she just muttered that she had work to do and walked away. "What just happened?"

The short brunette looked up at her and shrugged. "I dunno, she's been actin funny,"

Piper felt the heat that was usually followed by tears creep over her face. "Was it something I did? Is she mad at me? Lorna, you have to tell me what I did to her,"

"I dunno Chapman, she hasn't told me anythin, that was the first time I seen her since lunch and she hardly said two words," She put a hand gently on Piper's arm. "I'm sure it wasn't you, she's just on edge with the whole Vee situation with Red, ya know and she isn't used to you being here with us again, she'll get used to it soon enough,"

"I hope you're right," Piper said solemnly. "It's just I haven't been back for even one day, and I wanted to talk to her, or needed to rather, I've already fucked myself over with Alex, I don't need problems with her too, I couldn't handle that, I can't handle this without her," She admitted, and she reminded herself of a whiny, broken, lovesick, teenager who leans too heavily on their friends.

Lorna nodded. "I'll talk to her Chapman, but I'm sure it's nothing you've done. What happened with Vause, if you don't mind me asking?" The shorter woman asked trying to figure out more of the problem. She understood how hard it could be for people to return to prison especially after months of being out, she had seen it happen so many times, but never with someone like Piper and she wanted to help her however she could and right now that may be as simple as listening and offering small pieces of advice.

"You were there when she found out I'd slept with Nicky, she's furious, not just because of that, but because of our whole fucking past and I don't think I can fix it. I can't lose Nicky too, she's one of my only friends in here, you too" Piper added sadly. She was lost. She felt like she just lost the two people she cared about the most and she didn't even know how. She didn't understand.

"Well, I'm here for you Chapman and I'll talk to Nicky to see what's up, in the meantime, go to Vause, talk to her, apologize if you think you need to, then you can at least say you tried, right?" Morello said and Piper nodded in thanks. "And who knows, you might be surprised that she may not be as mad as you think,"

"Yeah, I guess so," Piper said and Morello gave her a soft smile before she left to go after the wild-haired woman, leaving Piper standing in the hallway.

She sighed to herself before she trudged off in the direction of Alex's bunk.

Most people were still in the cafeteria and so the halls were eerily quiet. Her footsteps were loud on the floor, the sound ricocheting off the walls. It made her feel small, self-conscience even. It also sent her thoughts into overdrive regarding her impending conversation.

Her raspy voice, cold and reprimanding was loud in Piper's head saying, rather yelling and cursing at her everything she expected to hear when she saw the brunette.

 _You broke up with me...You cheated on me...You ruined my life! How can you expect me to take you back? After everything? You left me in Paris...Ten years has changed nothing! You are still the same prissy, narcissistic, WASPy, manipulative bitch and you will never change! How could I love you after all you've done?! You've broken my heart too many times, when you first left me, then for Larry, and now for Nicky. You lie through your teeth and you expect everyone to either love you or feel sorry for you. I don't understand how anyone could love someone like you, not anymore because I don't love you, and I never will! I hate you, Piper Chapman._

The words and the voice may not have been real, but Piper's reaction was. She instinctively slowed her pace towards where she now hoped Alex wasn't waiting for her, and she was so tense she was practically shaking, to someone else it might look like she was shivering.

She didn't even realize it, but she had unconsciously stopped right outside Alex's cube. She peered inside after a moment of shallow breathing. She let out a shaky breath when she saw that Alex was asleep. At first, she debated sitting with her, but after a quick shake of her head to clear her thoughts, she recalled the one-sided conversation that played out in her head and made herself back away.

She didn't stop to look back and she kept her head down the whole way back to her room.

When she got back to her room she crawled onto her bed and collapsed. She had no desire to eat and even less to change into her pajamas. She just lay there thinking. It was early, but she felt so emotionally drained that she fell into a fitful sleep, continuously tossing and turning.

* * *

Alex woke to the feeling of someone sitting next to her, stroking their cool soft hand across her cheek.

"Mmm,confused" She hummed before opening her eyes. She blinked a few times, quickly becoming aware of the fact that she was no longer wearing her glasses, and that the blonde woman next to her had yet to notice she was awake. "Pipes?" Alex muttered huskily. She hadn't been asleep for that long, but it was long enough to make her voice rough and thick.

The blonde practically fell off the bed in surprise that Alex had woken up.

The brunette pushed herself up onto her elbows and raised an eyebrow at the blonde who had been caught and was now standing and fidgeting with her hands. "I-I'm sorry - I didn't mean to wake you, please go back to sleep, I - I was just leaving," Piper stammered as she turned to leave awkwardly.

Alex shook her head and grabbed her glasses. "Stay,"

The blonde completely broke down. Alex immediately took Piper's hand and pulled her to a seated position next to her, letting the blonde cry into her shoulder as she held tightly onto her smaller frame. She knew Piper was not in her right frame of mind, and this was just another example of it, she just didn't know how to help her, and she so desperately wanted to. She wanted to see the blonde who was carefree and all smiles all the time. She longed to hear her laugh, or to the see the brightness in her eyes again.

"Shh, Pipes," Alex rubbed a hand gently over Piper's back trying to sooth her.

"I- I'm sorry -" Piper murmured into Alex's shoulder. "I should have told you, I-I was going to- but there wasn't a good time-"

"Yeah, we both should have done a lot of things differently," Alex hummed lightly. "Did you tell Nicky?" Piper pulled away from her after a moment and wiped her eyes off.

"Tell her what?" Piper asked quietly.

"Don't play that game Pipes," Alex smiled softly at her.

Piper looked away down towards her hands. "No-"

"Piper," Alex admonished.

The blonde adjusted her gaze to lock eyes with the brunette again. "Tell Nicky what? Alex, I'm serious, what are you talking about?"

"That I fucking know you slept with her?! Jesus Piper," Alex's voice took on a sharpened tone and the blonde flinched but her eyes looked confused.

"What? Alex, Nicky already knows that, but still, she got sent to MAX, remember?" Piper responded.

"What? No! I saw her this morning, what are you talking about?" Alex had no idea what Piper was talking about.

The blonde shifted away from her. "She got busted for drugs Alex, she got years added to her sentence. That was like, what, two months ago? Alex, how do you not remember that?"

She searched her memory for any of this and came up with nothing. "If that's true, what's the matter with you then?"

The blonde looked at her incredulously. "I came to apologize; I didn't tell you because I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want this distance between us, but it happened anyways," Piper looked down.

"Didn't tell me what?"

"Jesus. That I'm getting out Alex! Remember that's why you've been ignoring me for the past weeks! Because I didn't tell you right away!" Piper said, anger lining her tone. "Look, I'm sorry okay? But I knew you had so much more time than me, and I didn't want that to get in the way of our last few days together,"

"You're getting out, already?" She asked confusedly.

"Already? Alex, I've been down for three years now, after they extended my sentence," Piper said. "Do you forgive me or not? I don't want to leave on bad terms with you,"

Alex was quiet for a second. "Yeah, I forgive you,"

Piper grinned. "Good, now kiss me,"

Her request surprised Alex, it seemed surreal, but the brunette was never going to pass up the opportunity to kiss the blonde. She pulled Piper closer to her and closed her eyes as she pressed her lips to the younger woman's, but was surprised when she didn't get a response. In fact, she didn't feel anything.

When she opened her eyes again, she was laying down in her bed, and her cheap prison issue blanket was on the floor. She sat up and ran a hand through her hair before putting her glasses on. It was just a dream. Why was it that things could only be good between her and Piper in her dreams? Why couldn't she ever wake up from a dream and have things still be good between them? She would rather wake up from a shitty dream to a good reality than wake up from a good dream to a shitty reality.

She cursed under her breath as she got up. What she could recall of her dream was on replay in her head as she walked down the hallway. She hadn't ever thought about the fact that Piper would eventually get out before her. Not only that, but she didn't think about what she would do about it, not that there was much to do, but when Piper got out, that could be the very last time she will ever see her. What if they couldn't fix things? Then she would be stuck in here with the shitty last memory of Piper and how broken things were and would always be.

She looked towards the nearest clock. Dinner was over, but she didn't care. She had been asleep for almost forty-five minutes and she still felt incredibly tired. She stretched her arms and yawned as she entered the TV room where a few inmates had the news on. She made the decision to listen to whatever had all of the girls' attention. She leaned against the wall in the back by herself and let herself be momentarily distracted by the TV.

 _"_ _In further news...there is a monster storm due to hit most of this region here…" The news reporter motioned to a map that was digitally displayed next to him on the screen. "Anyone living in these areas needs to prepare for severe flash flooding and potential power outages that could several last days…" He continued. "Be prepared to shelter in place and get used to who you're with right now cause you might be stuck with them for a while…"_

 _"_ _Right you are, Jim, it looks like the counties most affected by this giant storm will be…" The second reporter stated._

Alex was only started really paying attention when the second reporter started listing off the regions in the direct path of the impending storm. Of course, the county Litchfield prison was located in was listed top among the areas in the most danger, because when things couldn't be shitty enough, there was always something else to make it worse. _Fuck this prison, and fuck this storm. Fuck it all._ The brunette thought dangerously. All she wanted to do was relax, but this was adding just that much more stress to her life that she didn't need. She promptly left and was blindsided by someone walking quickly through the hallway.

"Watch it," She said outright to the shorter woman. It was Nicky. Alex felt uneasy upon realizing it was her.

"Sorry Vause," The shorter woman muttered quickly. The shorted woman clearly saw the vicious glint in Alex's eyes as she backed away from the taller woman. "What's got you riled up? Blondie?"

Alex took a step towards her, scowling dangerously. It made her sick to think of Piper and Nicky together. "What the fuck Nicky?!" Alex was beside herself with jealousy and regret and anger.

"Can we not do this now? Please? I have things to do," The wild-haired woman sputtered.

Alex wasn't gonna let her get away that easily. "Did you talk to Piper yet?" That was the only thing she could manage to say that didn't involve a lot of profanities.

The other woman looked at her curiously. "I may have seen her earlier," She shrugged. "Why? What are you gonna do? Now that you have her back in your lanky arms that is? She let you fuck her yet?"

"Fuck you, Nichols," Alex growled.

"Why? Tell me, are you hating yourself a little right now knowing that while you were too stuck up and feeling sorry for yourself when she needed someone, I was there for her and you weren't?" Nicky seemed to gain a little confidence in the situation and took a step closer to Alex. Alex just glared at her. "When she could have died you weren't there, and you didn't have the decency to even admit you were wrong," She shook her head in disbelief. "What I don't understand is, for the number of times you've claimed to love her, why weren't you there? How could you have let her feel that way about herself?! It was your fault she almost died, and if not for me, she would be dead! Don't you forget it,"

Alex already knew that was true, she didn't need Nicky to remind her, but still she didn't answer.

Nichols felt a little braver and stepped just close enough that she had to look up at Alex as she spoke. "After the destruction you caused, I was left to pick up the pieces. She needed you Alex, more than she has ever needed anyone. I don't necessarily believe in luck, but I suppose I was lucky that I was there to save her pretty blonde ass from self-destruction," She paused. "And her ass is cute, I learned that when I fucked her. Does that make you jealous? Sick? Regretful? Maybe perhaps you feel a little self-loathing, knowing that it wouldn't have happened if you hadn't monumentally fucked up?"

Alex didn't want to hear it anymore. It was true. It was all her fucking fault all of this happened. She knew it. Nicky knew it. And even though Piper said it had been mutual destruction, the blonde knew it too. None of this would have happened if it hadn't been for her. "Shut up!" Alex snapped angrily.

"No, you listen to me, Vause!" Nicky retorted. "Do you know how hard it was for me to sit across from her every week knowing she would rather be with you?! Not only that, but it was like I was watching her self-destruct, but in slow motion, week by week, there was nothing I could do to help her, and it was all because of you!" She paused briefly to take a breath but rapidly continued. "She talked to me about everything going on in her life. She told me about how she felt like she was in constant danger from _your_ cartel, and I swear to God Vause, if I hadn't known that it would have made things worse, I would have killed you for putting her in that situation! She loved you, she still does, even after you left her to deal with that on her own so don't you dare fuck it up this time!"

"Fuck off Nicky!" Alex hissed.

Nicky put her hands up in mock surrender. "You're the one who asked the questions here, you wanted to know," With that Nicky left a terribly angry and slightly bewildered Alex standing in the hallway.

Alex didn't want to talk to anyone else. She cursed herself for even getting up from her nap, she should have just laid there until she fell back asleep.

She went back to her cube. She didn't bother to do anything else that night, and yet even after laying there for what seemed like hours and after the lights were turned off, she was still far too distracted to fall asleep, and she found herself caught in her thoughts of the past months.

She only realized she had fallen asleep when she was woken up again after what felt like a few very unrestful seconds.

A bright light was being shined at her face as she sat up and put on her glasses. "Vause, get up and get dressed,"

"What the fuck?! It's the middle of the fucking night!" She responded to the CO roughly.

"You're on maintenance crew so you gotta get up!" The CO ordered.

She rolled her eyes. "What maintenance needs to be done now at this fucking hour?!"

She didn't have to get dressed cause she had never changed into pajamas so she just stretched and followed the CO to the next cube over where a girl who worked in electrical, and another who worked on her grounds crew, were sleeping. The CO woke them up as well before ordering all three of them to the area by the door to the yard while he found the remaining girls from the grounds and electrical crews.

She was mildly curious but mostly pissed that the restless sleep she was supposed to be having was interrupted by whatever the fuck they were going to be doing. There were a few people milling around by the door, and there was another CO watching them. She figured she didn't even need to ask what they were doing because she was going to find out in a few minutes when the other CO returned.

She saw Nicky leaning against the wall near the door and she caught her eye for a moment before she forced herself to look away. She didn't need to get into anything right then. She just needed to do her job and go back to bed, and maybe, maybe she could deal with things in the morning.

After about another minute or so of waiting, the first CO who had woken her up walked down the hall, followed by a few more inmates, one of them being a really tired looking Piper. Alex glanced at Nicky looking for a reaction but noticed that upon seeing Piper her gaze shifted to the floor in almost an apologetic manner.

Alex was only half listening when the CO explained that they needed to move sandbags to the edge of the reservoir to prevent flooding of the lower floors of the prison due to the on setting storm. She was more interested in observing Piper, and occasionally glancing at Nicky who still had her gaze firmly on the floor.

They were split into groups and somehow she was unlucky enough to be joined in her group by both Piper and Nicky. Thankfully their task was fairly simple. They and a few others had to move the sand bags out of storage to where the next group would take them to where ever they were supposed to go, Alex didn't really pay attention.

The CO sent them off to work and Alex fell in step next to Piper. "Piper? You alright?"

The blonde shrugged. She hadn't slept at all and was actually still awake when the CO came to get her. That didn't mean she wanted to get up, though, she would have much rather lied there alone with her thoughts than now having to work with other people, some of whom she most definitely didn't want to deal with, and in the middle of the night no less.

They continued walking, following the small crowd of people outside towards the detached storage building. "You look like you didn't sleep at all," Alex observed gently and Piper scoffed.

"So what if I didn't," The blonde asked roughly picking up her pace a little, but Alex's height and longer legs made it easy for the brunette to keep up with her.

"Come on Piper don't be like that," Alex said feigning disappointment with Piper's lack of positive response.

"Leave me alone Alex," Piper muttered as they finally reached the storage room.

"No, I don't think I will," Alex stated as they waited for the CO to unlock the door and switch on the lights which revealed a large pile of junk covered in dust. It smelled overpoweringly of mildew and rat feces.

Alex glanced at Piper just in time to see her roll her blue eyes at her statement. They filed into the room and got to work on moving the sandbags outside for one of the other groups to take to the edge of the water reservoir.

"Piper, maybe you shouldn't be lifting those," Alex observed Piper wince in some sort of pain as she tried to grip one of the sandbags. Alex assumed Piper's hands were the source of the pain and she promptly tried to take the sandbag out of her hands, but the blonde refused to let her.

"Alex, stop, I don't want your help," Piper sneered and continued to struggle to lift the heavy bag. "Nicky, will you come take this from me?"

The wild-haired woman was returning to grab another bag but she didn't stop to help the blonde. "Vause is right there, have her help you," Nicky said over her shoulder. Alex and Piper were both stunned by her response. Piper lost her grip on the bag altogether and almost dropped it on her feet.

"What's got you in a bad mood, Nicky!?" Piper asked rhetorically as she straightened herself up.

"What do you think? It's the middle of the fucking night!" Nicky practically spat as she walked past with another sandbag. Something was definitely up with her, Alex concluded, she was never like this, not even when she was sleep deprived.

"Piper, please let me help you," Alex said softly from beside Piper who slumped her shoulders in surrender. With all the outdoor maintenance work Alex had been doing for the past weeks, she had gained quite a bit of muscle. She slung her sand bag over her shoulder and lifted the one Piper had intended to carry and took them outside. She noticed Piper watching her in some sort of awe, and she couldn't contain a smirk after she turned her back towards the blonde.

She returned moments later to see Piper had barely managed to lift another sandbag, but the blonde made no attempt to stop Alex from taking it from her. "Thanks," The blonde muttered.

"You're welcome," Alex smiled gently before she made the trip outside again.

"Will you two cut it out and actually help? I wanna go back to sleep before breakfast!" Nicky said sounding really annoyed. Alex heard the end of her statement when she came back inside. Nicky had directed it at Piper, and she felt a little defensive that Nicky was taking out whatever her problems were on Piper. It wasn't Piper's fault there was going to be a storm, or that they were out there instead of sleeping, and yet Nicky was acting like it was.

"We are working Nicky, just like everyone else, we're all in the same situation, we all want to go back to sleep," Piper said relatively calmly, and Alex was surprised by the evenness of her tone.

"There are only a few left, get them outside and you get to go back to bed," The CO stated to the group.

Nicky rolled her eyes, but she knew better than to back talk the CO's, especially this late at night, she knew they probably weren't happy about this plan either.

Piper handed Alex another sandbag and said. "I get why you're part of this, maintenance crew makes sense, but why electrical, why are we doing this?" Alex shrugged, she could have come up with an answer for her if she felt like it, but she didn't and she figured Piper didn't really care if she got one or not, but of course Nicky decided to speak up again as she walked past.

"Because if the fucking lake floods, we could all be electrocuted. We're sitting fucking ducks and that's why it's our fucking job, I thought you had a brain," Nicky barked angrily and Piper cringed.

"Leave her alone, Nicky, lay off," Alex spun around quickly and glared at the shorter woman.

"Shut up Vause, I wasn't talkin to ya," Nicky made sure the CO wasn't paying attention before she shoved Alex lightly away from her, but it surprised Alex enough that she stumbled back and dropped the sandbag on her foot.

"Ow fuck!" Alex exclaimed even though it didn't hurt very much, but it was rather heavy still. Piper jumped up immediately and Nicky backed up slightly, observing what she did.

"What the fuck is your problem, Nicky?!" Piper yelped as she helped lift the sandbag off Alex's foot.

"What? She deserved that and I'm outta here, ain't no way I'm gonna be caught outside when this mother fucking storm gets here!" Nicky snarled as she pushed her way past them.

"No, she doesn't Nicky! I don't know what your deal is, but you need to drop it and leave Alex alone, she didn't do anything to you!" Piper's argument stopped Nicky dead in her tracks while Piper had moved in front of Alex in a defensive gesture that Alex took as a good sign that things could get better for them.

"Maybe not to me, but you, and I know you didn't fucking forget. The list of her shit you had to put up with is miles long," Nicky pointed a finger angrily in Pipers direction as she closed the distance between them again. "You're blind and ignorant and naive if you think you'll ever be able to work, not to mention dumb as fuck for trusting her again after everything, and even more so for getting your ass locked up in here again!" Nicky took a quick breath. Piper gasped at the low blow Nicky shot at her. She already knew she was stupid for getting locked up again, but it hurt more when Nicky verbalized it so harshly. "Thank goodness she is here for you, though, because count me out! I am not gonna be there to pick you up again, and no doubt, there will be a next time, but what the hell do I know?! I've only seen it happen a few times, and I was only one of your best friends, but you're right, you know what you want when you want it, far be it from me to try to protect you, have fun with the rest of your sentence!" Nicky turned and left a stunned Piper standing in front of a fuming Alex who was about to follow the short woman outside, but was stopped by Piper.

"Don't," Piper said monotonously.

"Piper, ignore her, she is just jealous or upset or something, she'll get over it," Alex tried to say soothingly, resting her hands gently on the blonde's shoulders but Piper shrugged away from her touch.

Piper nodded but the expression on her face showed disbelief. "I doubt it," She said quietly as she went to pick up the sandbag that now rested in front of Alex's feet, but Alex grabbed it first.

"I got it, Pipes, this is the last one, why don't you go on ahead and try to get some sleep," Alex offered, but Piper shook her head.

"It's alright, I'll walk with you," Piper said. The rest of the inmates had already started heading back to the main building along with the CO, so after Alex put the last bag down, it was just them walking slowly towards the eerie glow of the prison lights.

They walked mostly in silence down the halls. There was nothing much to say, and it was still extremely early in the morning.

Alex had purposely walked the long way back to her cube so she could walk Piper to hers.

"Goodnight Pipes," She said quietly before she continued her way down the hall. She still managed to hear the blonde's responding "Goodnight Al," though. She stopped briefly to glance over her shoulder and she was pleasantly surprised to see Piper give her a short wave before retiring to her room.

Perhaps they could make it work. That was if Nicky didn't cause any more problems. At that thought, Alex had already decided she wasn't going straight back to her bunk. Since the lights were still out, it made it easier. She passed her own cube and marched silently over to Nicky's. She didn't care at all if the short woman was already asleep or not, she needed to make it clear that she wouldn't let anyone hurt Piper again, especially not Nicky, whom Piper obviously cared about.

She leaned over the bed and gently shook Nicky's shoulders. It didn't take much to wake her up.

"What the fuck?" Nicky grumbled, still half asleep.

"Wake up, damn it!" Alex whispered harshly.

Nicky blinked a few times, her eyes slowly re-adjusting to being awake. "What the hell do you want?!"

"We need to talk!" Alex said sternly as she got up and walked out and towards the nearest bathrooms. She assumed it would be a conversation they needed to have somewhere where they weren't surrounded by a ton of other sleeping inmates.

Nicky groaned audibly from behind her, but based on the sound of her footsteps, Alex could tell the shorter woman had indeed followed her.

"You better have the best fucking reason in the world for getting me up again!" Nicky practically yelped as soon as she entered the bathroom.

"What did Piper do to you?" Alex asked straight out.

Nicky calmed down really quick and her eyes widened. "What?"

"I said -" Alex went to repeat herself but was interrupted.

"I know what you said, I meant why?" Nicky corrected.

"Because you obviously have a problem with her, and anyone who has a problem with her has a problem with me, so what the hell did she do to you?" Alex asked again.

"Nothing!" Nicky stated. "She didn't do anything!"

Alex was getting frustrated now. "Then why the sudden cold shoulder? She likes you, Nicky, she considers you her best friend, which I can't see why if this is how you treat her!"

"I treat her better than you do," Nicky retorted.

"I love her, and this time, I'm gonna make sure she knows it," Alex said determinedly. "This isn't about me, though, it's about you and her. So why does she treat you like a friend while you treat her like shit? Come on, it's not that hard of a question!"

"Because she doesn't know," Nicky muttered. "I'm not a good person, and besides, she has you,"

"Nicky, she needs you right now, what doesn't she know?"

Nicky shifted her weight and looked briefly down at her feet before glancing up at Alex again.

"Well?" Alex was getting really impatient.

"Nothing," Alex could tell she was clearly lying through her teeth.

She grabbed Nicky by the shoulders and shoved her against the nearest wall. "Spill! What are you keeping from her?!" Nicky just shook her head. "You better rethink that and start talking," Alex brought her arm up to Nicky's neck causing the shorter woman to gasp for air.

"Ok ok, I fold," Nicky surrendered. Alex only lessened the pressure she had put on Nicky's neck, but she left her arm there. "She doesn't know that I'm the reason she's back in prison,"

Alex was so unprepared for that response that she let her arm go limp as she stepped back to eye the shorter woman curiously. "What?"

"I called her parole officer. She told me how much danger she was in because of you, I might add, and I thought she'd be safer in here," Nicky sounded defeated and she hung her head, but she glanced up at Alex just in time to be punched squarely in the face.

* * *

 **A/N Please feel free to let me know what you think, and if you have any suggestions going further! I hope y'all enjoyed it.**


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